Chosen Tricksters
by Chilord
Summary: Very AU In their time, the Marauders went a bit further in their bid to be the best pranksters they could, invoking the power of myths and legends before their brotherhood was betrayed. Now, as Harry enters his 3rd year, those powers are rising again.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Characters and world are sooooo not mine, but the premise of this particularly Alternate Universe and the unique situations it presents are all products of my less than hinged mind.

Author's Note: Got stalled on Bondage Style, and started writing this. Much silliness and pranking will ensue in later chapters. Super Sirius to the rescue! Heh, I prefer doing slapstick/satire for my comedy, so... Hopefully you'll enjoy. Did a bit of revising and changing of this and that.

"So, how much longer you planning on staying here, wallowing in your misery?" The voice casually spoke across the shadows of Azkaban, to the waiting ears of one of its prisoners, a man known as Sirius Black.

"How much longer is it going to take for you to leave me alone?" Another voice rasped back, dead blue eyes looking out into the shadows the ragged figure curled into himself. He could feel them all around him, the screaming wraiths that suckled greedily on the hearts of his fellow prisoners, but never his.

"Really pup, you made your bond, you made your deal, just as your brothers did." The first voice called back, a hint of curiosity in those words. "Yet, here you stay, when if you chose to, you could walk away without a chance of them stopping you."

"I'm here, because I deserve to be," Sirius Black responded quietly, his eyes unable to look back to the figure watching him. "I failed them. I couldn't protect them. I couldn't avenge them. That damned Loki pledged coward..."

"And what of their legacy? Their son? Your Godson?"

"He's better off without this fool of a dog."

"You have been many things pup, foolish for certain, but only a fool while you remain here." The voice called back, simply and softly. "Before your brotherhood was broken... you four brought such joy to our lives. You reminded us that there were still reasons for us to pay heed to your world. You impressed us pup, and that is not easily done."

"He's better off with Mooney." Sirius countered back as he let his eyes fall closed. "Dumbledore will at least see that he's been taken care of. And while he's with Mooney, Hermes will keep himself from Loki's eyes."

"Oh? Is that why you stay here?" There was a pause, a confusion in the voice. "I thought you were simply being selfish."

"Save the riddles for someone else you old dog." Black's voice hissed with a tremor of underlying frustration. "You can look into my mind any time you so choose."

"No," the voice responded slowly. "While you deny me, and what you are, I cannot. You are closed to me, Sirius Black."

"Huh, so that's all I needed to do to keep you out of my head all those years?" The man laughed mirthlessly as he shook his head. "A pity I didn't know."

"He isn't with Hermes's chosen, he has no protections from any Gods." The words were spoken softly, yet thundered against his ears. "Mooney has forsaken his duties just as you yourself have. The former Chosen of Loki still lives, and he still poses a danger to your charge."

"Dumbledore..." Sirius began, denial and hope thick in his voice.

"Has left you to rot, and the boy to the ones you know as the Dursleys." The voice spoke with a resigned curiosity, tinged with regret. "I thought you knew this, but it would seem I was wrong."

"Wha....t....?" Sirius' voice burned in a whisper as those dead grey eyes suddenly shot open with a flash of life, looking onto a pair of golden eyes.

"Open yourself to the link and see for yourself." The coyote responded with a slight yawn as it would cant its head towards the man in front of him. "You do remember how to do that, don't you?"

"Yes, Mother." The man spat back sarcastically, before he slowly closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the cell as he could feel the strange, exertion of his mind expanding and the accompanying surge of power that rippled through him. He could feel the dementor's attention, their sudden surge of fear at the raw power that coursed through the man's body, even as the prison's wardens were left unaware. Then, as he focused it, brought his mind to bear, the past opened up before him.

"Not a very pleasant situation for the boy to be in, is it?" The canine offered blandly as he would lay down on the cold prison floor. "And because you two are being... what is it you Brits call it? Gits? There's nothing neither Hermes nor myself can do. And let me tell you, I'm getting rather tired of listening to Oberon and Titania going on and on about their Chosen's son and what he's being forced through."

If he heard the being speak, he gave no reaction, his eyes widening in horror and anger as the mix of emotions played across his features. This was not how things were supposed to be. He was supposed to be the one suffering for his failure, not Harry, not Mooney This was supposed to be HIS penance.

"What has he done...?" The words burst past his lips, as the tears grew in the man's eyes, hot, wet things that dripped down along his cheeks. "Oh Harry... what have they done to you?"

"So, I ask of you Sirius Black." There was a tone of formality in the being's voice as it spoke again, its body rising up from the cold stone floor as it sat back on its haunches, looking almost regal with its golden eyed stare. "Are you prepared to again take your mantle? Are you willing to again become my Avatar on this realm?"

"Why are you offering me this?" Sirius turned his eyes onto the great spirit before him and those blue grey eyes burned back. "I forsook that mantle, I turned my back on my position, why are you offering me this again?"

"Because Padfoot," the canine grinned back at him, "You gave it up, because you thought you were unworthy. You have lain here, 11 years, when you didn't have to even allow yourself to be taken by them. Yet, at that same time..." The spirit paused a moment before sending a hard look at the man. "Your forsaking of your status, only confirmed your guilt in the minds of those who knew you. Especially Remus."

"Leave it to Mooney to go and ignore that he could just ask ole Hermes." Sirius grumbled softly as he slowly stretched out. "I'll take a guess that the daft fool's been completely ignoring his patron?"

"You always were delightfully blunt when trickery wasn't needed," the coyote responded approvingly. "So then..." The figure paused before the canine broke into a grin. "Ready to go change the world?"

"What, no dinner first?" There was a light in the man's eyes, before with a sigh he stood up, brushing off the rags that had been his prison uniform. "Tsk, this will simply NOT do."

"Well, well," a broken female voice almost giggled in the cell next to him, "Has little Siri finally gone and lost the last of his marbles?"

"Ah sweet Trixie." Sirius spoke casually as he would make a brushing gesture along his arm, and suddenly the rags replaced themselves with a dragon skin jacket, shirt, and pants, leaving his feet bare on the cold stone. "Such a shame you had to go all dark... And what you did to Frank and Alice? Tsk tsk."

"Huh..." The woman blinked as the man who had been seemingly carrying on a conversation with himself suddenly managed a wandless transfiguration of his clothing and then casually walked through the cell wall between them. "How...?"

"I suppose I really should be running off." The man paused, before looking down at his cousin, before he squatted down, balancing on the balls of his feet as he looked into the wild, maddened eyes of Bellatrix LeStrange. "But, I am for the moment conflicted. You helped destroy two friends of mine Trixie, and your poor mind's gone and broken, hasn't it?"

"Awww what's a matter little Siri." The woman giggled again, squirming about on the cell floor. "Does cousin Bella scare you hmm? Why don't you let her make the screaming start all over again hmmm? Little Trixie's not gonna be coming out to play."

"And, people wonder why we Blacks have such a bad reputation." The man sighed again, before he would suddenly reach out, petting Bellatrix atop her head. "Well, lets see... "

With that, he grabbed hold of her wrist, pulling out her arm and exposing her dark mark with a simple strength, before he quite firmly put his thumb against it. He watched her eyes as power flowed into her, leaving her to thrash suddenly, wildly, helplessly. "And now, you have a chance, Little Trixie, its up to you what you do with it."

That said, the man turned and walked through the door, his bare feet rustling across the stone as he held a wild grin on his lips, and cast a wink back at his wild eyed cousin. "See you around little Trixie!"

Casually he walked down the halls of the prison, whistling slightly as he went, almost skipping in his steps as he could feel the dementors reflexively shrinking back at his presence. It wasn't exactly a new sensation, but still, the sheer volume of space they gave him now, was quite frankly, rather amusing. Still, the real fun only happened when he slipped through the doors leading to the prison's entrance.

"Why, hello there! Pleasant evening, isn't it?" Sirius Black grinned wildly as he would casually strut bare foot along the stone walk, his dragon hide jacket fluttering carelessly in the wind, his eyes a light with mischief as he watched the Aurors in front of him. "I simply had to come and take a constitutional, its been a good 11 years since my last one and what not, so I figured it was about time."

"What tha... It's Sirius Black!" one of the man shouted in alarm as the three Aurors on duty quickly reached for their wands and suddenly drew out... rather droopy daisies.

"Aw, flowers? For me? You shouldn't have!" The former prisoner smiled back at the men, suddenly walking up, catching them all in a massive hug. "I know you'll miss me, but, don't worry, I'll be sure to write!"

When he drew back, the confused Aurors suddenly found it rather difficult to move apart, as some how their clothes had become glued to one another as the man adjusted his jacket and gave a casual bow. "Now gents, I'm afraid I must be off, names to clear, people to protect and Death Farters to kill. It's been lovely, it really has..."

And with a bow, Sirius Black took a step off the island and dropped to the waters below. A moment later, he was seen walking, wandless, across the choppy waters, practically skipping as he went before fading from sight. And with that, a Marauder loosed himself on the world once more.

-Dursley House Hold-

Harry Potter was stuffing his things rapidly in his trunk as he listened to the screams in the house below him. Anger and fear pulsed through his skin, as he moved quickly to get everything he could together. He had to get out of here, quickly.

"Hmm, you know, you'd be able to fit more in there if you took the time to fold it properly." A slightly amused voice called out from behind him, "Yer mum woulda been scoldin you for it, but, Lils always was a bit of a stickler for neatness."

Whirling around, Harry found himself facing a grinning man, his grey eyes a light with mischief as he sat against the bed, lightly stroking his fingers against the white feathers of Harry's owl. The boy's hand snatched at his wand, before quickly leveling it at the man. "Who are you?! What're you doing here?!"

"Now, now," the man chided, his dark hair falling across his face for a moment before laughing, "I don't think you want to get the Ministry's knickers in a twist, under aged magic and all." The man stood, casually, before taking a slow sweeping bow. "As for who I am? Why, Sirius Black, exiled son of the house of Black, Marauder Extraordinare, the incorrigible Padfoot, Avatar of Coyote, Best Man at your parents wedding." He paused a moment, lightly tapping his finger on his lip, as if trying to remember something. "Oh, and of course your Godfather, can't forget that one."

"What...?" The wand dipped for a moment, shock rippling across Harry's eyes before his features hardened and he resumed pointing at the man before him, suspicion written on the boy's face. "How come I've never heard of you?!"

"Well, probably because I was thrown in Azkaban, that's a prison for wizards you know, without a trial." He paused a moment, leaning back as his eyes grew distant. "And I let myself rot there, because I thought I deserved it."

"Why were you sent to prison...?" The wand dipped, just a moment once more, before raising back, pointing at the man.

"Well, people thought that since I was your dad's best friend, I was obviously your parent's Secret Keeper, and there for, I must have been the one that betrayed them to He-Who-Smells-Of-Rancid-Snake-Oil." There was a pause then, a flash of anger across his features. "And since I failed to capture that Loki damned rat Pettigrew, I got blamed for the bastard's death, and the death of a bunch of muggles the coward killed in the process."

"You betrayed my parents?!" There was a flash of anger, the wand shaking in the boy's hand as he kept it pointed harshly at the man.

"No." The man responded simply, his eyes locked on Harry's. "They put the blame on me for it, and the real betrayer went free." He paused a moment, before chuckling a bit. "Though, living as a pet rat for all these years..."

"A pet rat...?" The boy blinked lightly, but still his wand kept itself pointed at the man. "What're you talking about?"

"Peter, myself, your dad..." The man gestured a bit, before suddenly morphing into a great black furred dog, then back to himself. "We were all animagi. I get my lovable puppy powers, absolutely great for moistening the knickers of pretty witches you know. Your dad was a stag, I'll spare you the mental buggery I could conjure with that one. And dear, traitorous Peter, is a rat, a common, cowardly, sneaky little rodent that deserves all manner of unspeakable acts of retribution upon him."

"And where is this... rat then?" There was a caution in that voice, even as a slight ripple of possible hope whispered into his voice.

"Well, as it happens," The man fidgeted lightly on the bed.

"You don't know, do you," the boy challenged with a glare.

"Quite the contrary actually," Sirius responded. "It's just that... well... he's kind of your mate's pet rat."

"Scabbers...?" The boy paused a moment, before staring back at the man. "You're trying to tell me, that Ron's family pet rat, is an animagus that betrayed my family to Voldemort?"

"Well, I think did actually tell you," the man responded a bit pointedly. "Therefore, I didn't try to tell you, I DID tell you."

"But..."

"How about we hop over to the Burrow and I'll go ahead and prove it?" the man said amiably enough. "Though, I do warn you, Molly will probably be a bit put off by my appearance... And my being with you." He paused a moment before he continued. "Well, more like she'll start shrieking and trying to hex me into oblivion to protect you."

"Ooook..." The boy paused a moment before twitching just a bit. "Why do I get the feeling, I might've been safer in the Chamber of Secrets with the basilisk?"

"Tut Tut!" The man tsked as he casually walked over to the boy, the trunk having some how packed itself rather neatly as the man stood over it. "We should... Oh wait, almost forgot!"

With a grin on his face, and a waggle of his brow, Sirius grinned at Harry. "Wouldn't want to take off without telling your 'lovely' Aunt and Uncle I'm back, now would we?" With a wink, he made a beckoning gesture. "Come on, you won't want to miss this..."

The bare footed man almost skipped out of the room, the boy trailing warily behind him as he watched the man, lean over the edge of the banister and call down at his almost frothing uncle and livid aunt. "Oooooh Verrrrrrnon! Oh Petuuuuuunia!"

Instantly the two figures froze, their faces ashen as they looked up to see the grinning face of Sirius Black almost leering down at them, as Petunia managed to sputter. "Y-y-you're supposed to be in prison!"

"Why yes, I suppose I am," the man responded, lightly flicking a bit of dust from his jacket. "But, to be honest, prison is quite the unpleasant place." He made a somber face before turning towards Harry. "Would be best for you to avoid it, Harry... Dementors and what not."

"I hadn't made any plans to visit any time soon," the boy responded cautiously. "But, you did say that you were sent there for selling out my parents to Voldemort."

"Complete and utter rubbish that," the man responded with a wave of his hand as he watched Vernon edging towards the phone. "Peter was just better at being a traitorous sneak than I anticipated." He paused a moment, before giving Vernon a pointed look. "Vernie, old bean, I don't think you want to do that..."

"You don't have your wand you freak!" the man responded imperiously as he grabbed hold of the phone. "You can't threaten me like that! Not in my own home!"

"I was more referring to picking up a squirrel like that, but hey." Sirius grinned as the phone had some how transfigured itself into a angrily chittering, and rather bushy tailed squirrel. "You might want to be careful, never know when they might be rabid."

Gasping audibly, the man had immediately dropped the rodent and watched as it quickly bounded away and raced towards the back door. "But... But no wand!"

"Yes, yes," the man said with a negligent wave of his hand. "We've established that; no wand." He paused a moment again before grinning madly down at the pair. "But, really, you should have paid more attention to what the five of us could do..."

"All of you, freaks! My sister the worst of you!" The woman snarled as she glared at the man above her. "She knew better! She came from a NORMAL home, but no, she just had to go and be a FREAK like the rest of you!"

"Now you see..." Sirius paused a long moment, "If I was the cold blooded, Death wanking, Dark wizard that I was portrayed as, I wouldn't care, other than to simply kill you here and now, for annoying me."

Petunia's eyes widened for a moment as her husband quivered slowly in purpling rage and fear. "Get OUT of our home!"

"But you see..." the man continued, as if he didn't even hear them, "Unfortunately for you, I do care." Those eyes burned like fire as they met the married pair. "Lils and I might not have have always been on the best of terms, but..." Again those eyes flashed, burning with sudden power as he stared down at the woman before her. "She was family. Real family, something I don't think you could ever, really comprehend."

Ignoring the indignant glares thrown at him, Sirius turned back to Harry. "Why don't you get your trunk Harry? I need to have a word in private, it'll just take a tic."

"... You're not going to kill them are you?" Harry asked, a quiet caution in his eyes. "I mean, even with what they've done..."

"No, I'm not going to kill them, Harry." The man smiled a bit, his eyes suddenly twinkling. "They might wish I had by the time I'm done, but, I won't be killing them."

"Promise?"

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good, but none of it of lethal intent," the man said, his hand over his heart as he spoke, before giving Harry a wink and suddenly leaping down, landing with his bare feet on the floor in front of the Dursley couple. "Now then, as for you two..."

Harry moved back into his room, for only a moment, but when he returned, trunk dragging behind him, he could only stare in wonder at what he saw before him.

His Aunt and Uncle were suddenly dressed in a green so bright, he almost had to squint his eyes and look away in pain, while wearing each other's clothing. The house itself, seemed, suddenly, radically changed, nothing matched, not the chairs, not the wall paper, nothing. Everything looked as if it had gone through an interior design blender, an overly eclectic mix that had not place in the homogeneous environment that was Privet Drive.

"You can't do this to us!" Petunia was shrieking, her eyes horribly wide as she stared in aghast at how she looked. "They'll think we're FREAKS!"

"Why, I think you're catching on," Sirius responded with a flippant wave of his hand. "I guess Lils didn't get all the brains in the family afte rall." The man quickly leaped up the stairs then grinned at Harry. "Ready to go?"

Harry wasn't sure just how to react, his lips, twitched violently as he looked at his family, knowing full well just how much pride they took on being just like every muggle on Privet drive was supposed to be. He couldn't help it, a slight, soft little chuckle escaped his lips, those emerald eyes suddenly alight as he would surrender to his smile. Next to him, Sirius grinned his own, wide, maniacal grin as he would clap his hand down on the boy's shoulder.

"Aye, we'll make a Marauder out of you yet Harry." The man grinned, his eyes a twinkle.

"What's a Marauder?" the boy asked, just as the world seemed to twisted around them, before suddenly the hard floor of the Dursley's home was replaced by the soft feel of grass beneath his shoes as the dimming night sky revealed the madness that was the Weasley family home.

"Harry my boy, so very much we need to teach you!" the man responded with a sigh, before grinning broadly. "Oh, the fun it will be!"

"What's going on out there? Who's there?!" The voice was tinged somewhere between outrage and fear as, suddenly a bright head of red hair appeared at the door. "Harry?!"

"Hey Mrs. Weasley," the boy responded sheepishly next to his trunk. "How're you doing this evening?"

"Oh, you startled me Harry!" The woman shook her head as she let out a sigh of relief. "What with the news of that criminal Sirius Black on the loose!"

"I made the news already?" the man in question responded. "My, I thought it would take longer for those Aurors to become unglued."

"What... SIRIUS BLACK!" The woman immediately shrieked in fear as she dug at her side, before brandishing her weapon at the man. "Harry! QUICKLY GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

"Um, Mrs. Weasley?"The boy spoke up delicately as he eyed the item in her hand. "I don't think he's afraid of your cucumber."

"I wasn't going to say anything," the man responded casually. "Really, its a very fine cucumber, don't you agree Harry?"

"Oh yes, very fine," the boy agreed with a nod. "But, I don't think its a very scary weapon."

"If only you'd seen the things I have," the man responded with a sad sigh. "The vegetable artillery barrage of '75... if I hadn't had your father around, I would have taken a cucumber right on the nose!"

"Really?"

"Oh yes!" The man nodded sagely. "Of course, it helped that I was hiding behind him so I could properly return fire with a kumquat."

"...I thought it was a vegetable artillery barrage," the boy responded in confusion. "Where'd the fruit come in?"

"It was a food fight, Harry," the man responded with a grin. "In such things, the fruit is often your friend, your ally, and of course, your explosive. The pineapple grenades went off rather spectacularly to be honest."

In front of the pair, Molly Weasley could only stare, her mouth opening in shutting like a fish out of water as she stared between the two, before her husband's voice worriedly called out behind her. "Molly? What about Sirius Black?! You're scaring the kids!"

"I simply must talk to my press secretary about all this," the Black in question grumbled slightly. "It simply will NOT do to have children quivering in fear of me. Totally ruins the mood when I show up, wouldn't you agree Harry?"

"What did you want them to be quivering in then, jello?" the boy asked, a slightly playful gleam starting to light up in his emerald eyes.

"Oh, now there's an idea!" The man nodded quickly, an eager grin on his face. "I haven't had any jello since Lils made some over the summer!" The man paused a moment, before grinning again. "Well, that and that one time I took that witch home after her wrestling match, but really, that was it!"

"Sirius Black is HERE!" Molly finally managed

"Yes, I think we've established that," Harry agreed with the wide eyed Weasley matron. "He says he's here to prove his innocence, by exposing the fact that Peter Pettigrew..."

"That Loki cursed, traitorous rat!" Sirius spat.

"Right, that Peter Pettigrew is still alive," the boy continued. "And was in fact my parent's secret keeper, therefore the one that betrayed them to Voldemort and killed all those people."

"I've always found that to be a rather pretentious name honestly." The grey eyed man spoke up with a sage nod. "He always smelled too much like snake oil gone bad for me to really get into the whole dark lord thing.."

"Right then," Harry nodded again before repeating, "We're here for Peter Pettigrew..."

"The Loki cursed, traitor of a rat," Sirius added again.

"To show that he was in fact my parent's secret keeper..."

"Not me like everyone thought," the dark haired man added glibly.

"And that he is the servant of the hygienically challenged man formerly known as Tom Riddle." The boy paused a moment before looking at Sirius. "That about covers it, doesn't it?"

"Rather nicely I think." The man nodded happily before looking back towards the dumbfounded looking Molly.

"Harry, get away from him before he hurts you!" Molly spoke up, quickly gesturing with her cucumber to the space next to her.

"Um, no offense Mrs. Weasley, but, if he was gonna hurt me, he would've done it instead of bringing me here." The boy pointed out.

"You're going to completely and utterly ruin all my street cred Harry." Sirius pouted, before grinning broadly. "Good!"

"Street Cred?" The boy blinked, eying the man oddly as Arthur Weasley appeared behind Molly.

"Molly, what's all this about... SIRIUS BLACK!" The man began before he caught sight of the man himself.

"Yes, yes." Sirius waved magnanimously. "We've established that already, but really, there is someone we need to fetch."

"Um, yeah." Harry spoke up. "Hey Mr. Weasley? Could you please go get Scabbers?"

"What? Why would you need poor old Scabbers?" Arthur blinked as he eyed the pair warily, "He's been a member of the Weasley family for almost 12 years now!"

"Right, and there's nothing at all odd about that." Sirius pointed out, the bite of sarcasm heavy in his voice. "I mean, a rat living three to four times as long as its supposed to, completely and utterly normal that."

"Quit talking down to my husband you convict!" Molly spoke up angrily.

"I'm not a convict."

"Eh?" The woman blinked before scowling. "Of course you're a convict! You just escaped from Azkaban!"

"No, a convict requires that there be a trial, and there by being convicted of something." Tgain the accused murderer responded casually, a gleam in his eyes. "And since I was never given a trail, or a chance to prove my innocence, I am not a convict. What I am going to do, is clear my name, so I can get back to doing what I should have been doing 12 years ago, taking care of my godson"

He paused a moment, before giving a glare at the two. "So, if you would PLEASE go and fetch the rat? It will just take a moment, and as soon as you do, I'll be more than happy to bring in a bunch of aurors, sound fair?"

"Ooooh you!" The woman glared at the man before Arthur put a hand on her shoulder.

"Molly, it can't hurt," he responded soothingly, before he would move back into the house, before returning a few minutes later holding a sleeping rat and followed by the sneaking pair of George and Fred, their eyes widening even more as they caught sight of Sirius Black. "Here."

"Lazy bugger's sleeping eh?" Sirius grinned, wickedly, before giving a half wave to the boys watching him before he turned and made a waving gesture to the yard. "Oh am I gonna feel this in the morning."

Instantly a group of figures appeared, most prominently among them, a startled looking Amelia Bones, and a frighteningly furious Alastor Moody, with a variety of other Ministry officials and aurors with them. When their eyes fell on Sirius Black, the man grinned as he could feel the sudden levelling of wands all pointed at him. Taking the rat slowly from Arthur's hands, Sirius grinned at the man, "Thanks, now then, ladies and gentlemen, I use the term in its loosest definition in regards to you, Moody, wouldn't want to insult you..."

"Ha!" the man in question growled, tightening his grip on his wand as he held it directly towards the man's heart, "What the hell're you trying to pull here Black!?"

"Well, I thought I'd go about proving my innocence," Sirius grinned back cheekily as he ignored the wands. "Since, I did go and wait almost 12 years for a trial and still never got one."

"Mr. Black!" Amelia Bones glared at the man. "You killed 13 people!"

"Allegedly," the man responded flippantly. "And if you'd have have put me under the proper potion, hint hint, like I would have happily taken, you would have found out that I never killed those people." He paused a moment, making a face before holding up the rat in hand. "Especially Peter Pettigrew, illegal rat animagus, and the true secret keeper for Jame and Lily Potter."

"You're trying to tell us THAT is Peter Pettigrew?!" one of the Aurors called out with a snort.

"I do believe I was actually telling you that," Sirius countered with a grin, before lightly tossing the rat forward and waving his hand. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, PETER PETTIGREW!"

In midair, the rat suddenly seemed to engorge and blossom into a rather plump individual, his beady eyes lain wide as he tumbled onto the ground, squirming as he caught sight of all the wide eyed people around him. The shrill squeak he let loose when he caught sight of Sirius however, caused a number of people to step back and twitch in pain, "S-s-s-sirius!"

"Why yes, this is serious." the man responded, the playfulness suddenly gone as he glared down at the man on the ground, before turning to the group he would casually roll up the sleeves of his coat, revealing unmarked forearms. "Now, note, no mark... However, if you check his..."

He trailed off, before glaring down at the rat animagus. "All those innocent lives Peter... The lives of those you swore yourself brother to, the pact you made and broke..."

"You don't understand, Sirius!" The man almost squealed as he backed himself away from the looming figure. "He would have killed me!"

"Then you should have died," The words brushed past the man's lips as he barely restrained the fury in his words. "Like we would have died for you!"

"Like you cared." The plump man suddenly snarled back, anger thick in his words. "I was just there to amuse you, poor, stupid Peter!"

"We made a vow of brotherhood with you!" Sirius growled again, his burning with emotion. "We meant every word of it! I trusted you, Lily trusted you, JAMES trusted you!" He loomed over the man, his hands, his whole body shaking. "I even trusted you over Remus!"

"It would seem..." Amelia Bones spoke up slowly, carefully. "That we have quite the... situation on our hands."

"Oh, that's the bloody truth," Alaster Moody agreed, his false eye spinning madly as he looked down over the frightened Pettigrew. "This is just a bleedin, raw..."

"Mr. Moody!" one of the female Aurors spoke up, "There are children present!"

"Don't mind me." Harry spoke up, his eyes clouded as his fingers clenched against his hands. "I've got a few things that come to mind that I'd add... This.... thing, cost me my family." The boy paused, before looking at the group before him. "But, I don't think there are words obscene enough to describe that."

Sirius put his hand down on the boy's shoulder, gently giving it a squeeze before his eyes turned towards Amelia Bones. "Ms. Bones, while I'm sure you're supposed to be going and taking me into custody, I must inform you that I must express my regrets at being unable to accompany you. After finding myself lounging in the Ministry's hospitality for over 11 years already, I'm in no rush ."

"Mr. Black," the woman said sternly, "You are still an escaped prisoner!"

"Let me put it this way then Ms. Bones," the man responded easily enough. "I walked out of your prison last time, I will do so again, as soon as you try to put me in it once more. So, instead of myself making your department look like incompetent fools, with a revolving door on the supposedly most secure prison about, you leave me be until trial."

"Mr. Black..." the voice came sternly once more as wands drew upon him.

"I'd listen to him if I were you." A soft voice spoke up, as a lean man in shabby worn clothes spoke up as he stepped from the shadows. "Azkaban only held him before because he allowed it to. Because he thought things were better off that way... Because he thought Harry had been put into my hands."

"Remus." Sirius spoke with a solemn, soft voice. "Its been a while."

"Sirius being serious instead of Sirius for a change," the poorly dressed man noted with a slight smile. "Frightening."

"Its a frightening sort of world these days." Sirius shrugged slightly. "He got you to open up your link huh?"

"Yes." Remus nodded quietly. "I owe you an apology, I thought, since you didn't use your link, that you went off with them, that you couldn't get away... That you broke the brotherhood."

"Eh." Sirius shrugged a bit. "And I owe you one for thinking you were the traitor." He paused a moment, completely ignoring the crowd staring at the two as he clasped Harry on the shoulder. "Believe it our not, this is little Harry... Harry, this is Remus Lupin, a friend of your parents' and mine."

"Its good to finally see you again." The man's lips twitched lightly before he winked at the boy. "Little Harry."

"Little?" the boy in question responded, eying the pair carefully. "I'd like to see how you two do against a 1,000 year old basilisk."

"Excuse me, Mr. Lupin." Alastor Moody growled out, his eye flaring and swirling wildly. " Would you mind explaining to the director just why is it that we should listen to either him or you?"

"Because, I'm fairly certain you really don't want to look like a laughing stock?" Sirius responded cheekily. "Or, you could just cite common sense of not biting off more than you can chew."

"Common sense?" Harry's lips twitched a bit as he shrugged a bit. "From what I hear, we really are kinda lacking in that. Especially me, if you listen to Hermione and Professor McGonagall."

"Two of us here are Chosen." Remus paused before casting a black gaze down upon Peter, "A betrayer, cursed by his Divinity for breaking his oath, and the child of two other Chosen, well..."

"And what exactly do you mean by Chosen, Mr. Lupin?" Amelia Bones eyed the man, before flicking her gaze to Black.

"Moody, why don't you tell her?" Sirius volunteered as he flopped down onto the grass and yawned slightly. "You're the closest thing to a neutral source for her."

"Chosen are the vessels for beings of power." Alastor Moody grunted slightly as he shifted his stance just a bit. "Great Spirits, Gods, various types of magical royalty that no sane being would want to fuck with. They can use the powers given to the ones they bind themselves to, with certain restrictions."

"Are you trying to tell me, that Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black are the two such... individuals?" Amelia Bones spoke up questioningly.

"Sirius Orion Black." The dark haired rogue stood and took a bow. "Somewhere between Chosen and Avatar of Coyote." He offered a lopsided grin. "Depends on how much he feels like taking part in the fun."

"Remus John Lupin." The weathered looking man in the threadbare robes added with a slight wave of his hand. "Chosen of Hermes," he gestured then down at the still trembling Pettigrew." And then you have Peter Pettigrew, FORMER Chosen of Loki."

"Unfortunately, we thought he was enough of a Gryffindor to handle it," Sirius said with a growl. "We were very, very wrong..." He paused a moment, before suddenly grinning at Remus. "Though, kinda amusing really, if he'd died fighting like we would have, he'd have gone to Valhalla with all those Valkyries..."

"Valkyries?" Peter spoke up suddenly, his eyes glazing distantly.

"Yup." Sirius agreed. "Buxom, beautiful Valkyries... waiting to sweep you away." He then grinned down right viciously. "And you threw it away because you valued your life more than those of us who would have died for you."

"But I..." The man started to protest.

"And now, because you were such a bad, bad boy." Remus spoke up. "You don't get any reward for being a good Chosen."

"No Valkyries?" Pettigrew asked pathetically.

"No Valkyries." Sirius confirmed, before turning and eying Remus' robes critically. "I see you still haven't improved your taste in clothes Mr. Moony."

"And you still haven't improved your taste in humor, Mr. Padfoot." Remus countered with a slight smile.

"NO WAY!" A pair of voices called out from the house as two identical red headed boys almost shot out of the Burrow ignoring the protests of their mother with a look of worship on their faces. "You guys are Marauders?!"

"Ah, it would seem our reputations have survived somewhat." Sirius grinned quietly. "Nice to know we had some positive impact on the future generations, isn't it Mr. Moony?"

"Indeed Mr. Padfoot." Remus nodded with a smile.

"But, who're Wormtail and Prongs?" One of the twins asked quickly, their eyes swelled wide with awe.

"Ah..." Sirius grew quiet at that, before sighing as he gestured towards Peter. "The traitorous Wormtail..." And then, he gently walked over to Harry and laid his hands on the boy's shoulders. "And Prong's son."

The twins looked at one another, before instantly falling to their knees, bowing before the surprised Harry as they exclaimed, "We're not worthy!"

"Eh." The boy stared a moment, bewildered at the pair. "Ok..." He scratched the back of his head slightly in confusion. "Someone mind finally telling me what a Marauder is, besides being friends with my father?"

"Why don't you two go take Harry inside and fill him in on some of the details hmm?" Remus spoke up. "While the rest of us get things settled out here."

"Right!" the twins responded simultaneously as they stood up, each taking Harry in an arm and hauling him back into the house, in spite of his feeble protests, his eyes watching the group of adults warily until he vanished behind the Burrow's door.

"Now then, on to business!" Sirius barked out, his eyes almost glowing with delight. "So, would someone please go and take the rat into custody, so I can be assured that he's NOT getting away this time?" He lightly popped the edges of his jacket, "I went through enough trouble because of him running off last time, and I'd rather not have a repeat."

"What you get letting down your..." Alaster Moody began with a smirk.

"Constant Vigilance?" Remus and Sirius finished in chorus, practically singing the words.

"I take it the two of you are familiar with Mr. Moody," Amelia Bones spoke up with a slight smirk before she cast a body bind spell on the worried looking Peter Pettigrew.

"We saw action together in the first war," Remus said softly before shrugging just a bit, as he suddenly smiled at Moody and held up a silvered flask. "Though, back then he was more careful with keeping his drink at home instead of with him."

"What tha-" The man froze as he quickly patted down his pants, and found his flask was indeed missing, his false eye blazing as he glared back at Lupin, "You bloody thief!"

Chuckling Remus tossed the flask back to the man, who caught it deftly with a growl. "Well, I had to make sure that I still had it after all." He paused a moment, before winking at the man. "Besides, how often does one get the chance to pull one over on the great 'Mad-eye' Moody?"

"Bah!" The man grumbled as he limped over to the frozen Pettigrew and grabbed hold of him. "I liked you better when you enjoyed a good drink."

"Drowning yourself isn't enjoying a good drink" Remus pointed out before shrugging softly. "So then, when will the actual trial be then?"

"I still need you to come with me Mr. Black." Amelia Bones spoke up, her voice hard as she gave the man a look. "It is still the law."

"No, actually I do believe you'll note that the law requires that I only be kept a certain amount of time without trial." Sirius countered. "Since that amount of time has clearly lapsed, I released myself into my own care until such time as my trial takes place." Seeing that the woman was about to protest, he held up his hand. "However, lets say I'll limit myself to my family home, Diagon Ally, have to get Harry's school supplies you know, and Hogwarts, and I will not carry a wand, sound fair?"

"Oh, and the Burrow I would imagine." Remus added politely.

"You can't expect me to just leave you around Harry Potter!" The woman glared at the two.

"Yes, I can." Sirius shrugged casually as he ignored the look of outrage on her face. "I walked into the home where he was staying... Rather abusive muggles that he's with I might add, worst kind of em, had plenty of time to do him harm, but instead, brought him here where his friends are. Does that sound like I have any intention of hurting my godson?"

"Mr. Black..." There was a growl burning in the back of the woman's throat.

"Ms. Bones," the man responded with a coldness in his voice. "I respect you, I really do, otherwise you wouldn't be here now." He paused a moment, those eyes burning coldly into her own. "But if you think I'm leaving my godson alone again, after I waited over a decade where justice wasn't done, you will find out just WHAT a Chosen is capable of."

"Amelia." Moody spoke up, his voice far more subdued than it had been before. "Let it go, get the trial published and the manhunt called off. I've seen Black in action, with Lupin backing him up? Not a chance of you taking him down."

"And how do we know Mr. Potter isn't in any kind of danger then?!" the woman demanded.

"Because he can do those things," 'Mad-Eye' growled. "If he had truly betrayed the Potters, he'd be like this one here." The man roughly nodded down at Pettigrew. "Just another wizard. Hell that's the reason so many of us thought he was guilty, because he didn't use those things."

"I gave up." Sirius spoke up softly. "Prongs and Lils were dead... Peter betrayed us, I had practically betrayed Moony here... All those people were dead, I thought Peter was dead too, I thought that Harry would be safe, and that I needed to pay my penance."

The man paused, before those grey eyes blazed in fury. "But it would seem I was wrong. My godson was put into the hands of magic hating muggles. Peter was roaming free, hell living in the same dorm as Harry, in the same bloody room! Remus, who I thought would be taking care of him, was off becoming a drunk, no offense Remus."

"None taken," the man responded with a wave.

"Then when he goes get sober, is beaten down by the same prejudices that I stupidly allowed myself to become suspect to during the war." The man finished before he would lock his eyes on head of the Aurors. "And let me tell you Madam Bones... I have the full backing of Coyote, of Hermes, of Oberon and of Titania, and that's something even Voldemort feared." He paused a moment, letting Moody's nod speak to confirmation, never letting his eyes leave hers. "We played by the Ministry's rules last time, they themselves chose not to."

"And what do I tell the Minister?" the woman finally asked in resignation.

"Well, depends on if you want to force him out of office or not." Sirius grinned, a twinkle in his eyes. "I could turn him into a sheep or something, he does seem to have the personality for one."

"Mr. Black, I would hope you're not insinuating that I would make such a political manuever?" Amelia looked back, a hard glint in her eyes.

"Nope, I was merely offering a suggestion." He grinned back. "And hoping you'd take me up on it. I have to play nice for the moment, so, I can't just go around, changing the political structure of the wizarding world on a whim. I do have rules I have to follow."

"Though, they're a bit more like general guidelines for him." Remus amended up casually. "One of the advantages of being the chosen of a trickster." The man smiled again, his eyes lightly shining. "I have less wiggle room, but more than a typical Chosen would, Peter had more, being the servant of Loki... James and Lily, far less, because of who they channeled. It all depends on the agreement you forge."

"Hence why I picked Coyote." Sirius added quickly. "I get to have fun, do good deeds, and punish those who deserve it, in witty and cunning ways that humiliate and embarrass instead of doing bodily harm."

"Wait... you can't hurt people?" Amelia spoke up carefully.

"With Coyote's powers?" The grey eyed man shook his head with a grin. "Not directly. I can trick them into hurting themselves though, and other people into hurting them. Like, oh, making making a Death Eater look like an Auror, or making someone think they're seeing someone else betraying them..."

"Or, seducing a woman with a really jealous husband, in someone else's form..." Remus spoke up, grinning sweetly at Sirius.

"Oh, you just HAD to mention that one, didn't you Moony?" Sirius grumbled in response, a look of disgust flashing across his features as he twitched in place.

Moody's eyebrow rose in response, before suddenly bursting out with a wicked chortle. "Oh, so YOU'RE the reason ole Crabbe tried to off Parkinson?"

"For reasons of self preservation, I refuse to answer that question." Sirius shivered. "As having to replay those mental images would rob me of what little sanity I have left."

"So when you attacked Pettigrew..." Madam Bones spoke up, cutting them off. "You were breaking your rules?"

"Nope." Sirius grinned. "I was using magic, not my powers as a Chosen. Two completely different things, why its more handy to be a wizard Chosen than a muggle one."

"I see." The woman nodded slowly before arching a brow lightly. "So, what you're saying is that if we tried to take you in..."

"I'd turn you into fluffy bunnies." The man smiled happily. "I think Moody would make a great jack rabbit."

"And I'd be damned sure to bite your carrot off!" The man grunted at Sirius with a sadistic grin on his face.

""Eheh..." Sirius took a step away from the man, eying him nervously. "As always Mad-Eye, you are a nasty, scary bloke."

"Someone's gotta do it," the man agreed with a savage grin. "I simply happen to like it."

"Right then," with a snap of his fingers, the Ministry officials, save Amelia and Moody, suddenly vanished behind a cloud of pink smoke, before it faded to reveal them all suddenly transformed into what amounted to playboy playmates in full bunny outfit. "Now then, do I need to make any further demonstrations?"

"Mr. Black!" There was anger in Amelia's voice as she glared at the man, suddenly pointing at him with a... carrot?

"Oh, ready to feed the girls already?" Remus observed casually. "I think Sirius lost his desire to after Moody's comment."

Moody was simply laughing as his eye whirled madly, capturing the memories of the mix of horror and curiosity that covered the faces of both Aurors and officials. "Almost as good as your Death Eater Cabernet, Black!"

"Well, I thought the Can-can they did was a nice touch personally." Black nodded casually. "Who knew Lucy would end up looking so much like Cissy?"

"Well you never know..." Remus said speculatively. "There were those rumors about your Uncle and Lady Malfoy..."

The sickened look on everyone else's face spoke volumes, though for different reasons. "Please, PLEASE, Remus... it's bad enough I'm related to the man by marriage! Don't speculate about us actually sharing the same blood! It's bad enough I'm related to my own mother!"

At Amelia's look, Remus shrugged a bit. "If you ever met his mother, you'd understand."

"Bah, typical stick up her arse, arrogant, Death Eater sympathizing pureblood bigot." Moody spat out.

"You forgot she was some how part banshee." Sirius added with a wince. "Could make your ear drums bleed she could."

"I tended to just Stupify her and be done with it when she started."the grizzled man smirked back.

"Yes, well you're a bloody mad Auror, I was a bloody teenager when I last saw her." Sirius shrugged. "Now then, if I turn the bunnies back, will you be on your way?"

"I don't like this, but, very well Mr. Black." Amelia nodded slowly. "I will make sure The Prophet posts something about this in the paper tomorrow."

"Lovely!" Sirius agreed with a nod before looking at the bunnies. "Now, as much as I would enjoy the sight of such lovely company, I did make a deal, so... back to your regular frumpy selves!"

And with a wave of his hand, exactly that happened, though the cheekily smiling man quickly found himself awash in dark stares promising no small amount of vengeance upon his personage.

"Now then, see you all soon, but, Mooney and I have some catching up to do with my godson!" And with that, Sirius Black gave a sweeping bow, before walking past the still staring Weasley parents to almost dance into the Burrow in search of the twins and Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Revelations of a Drunken Coyote

Not really, but hey

Author's Note: I am working on Bondage Style still, but it hasn't been going too well of late.

Lets make some magic!

Edit: Made some corrections, added a couple of sentences, etc etc etc. Not much different though.

-The Burrow-

There was a heavy layer of expectation on the air, as the sharp cracks of apparitions sounded outside the Burrow as Sirius Black casually strode into the home. Behind him followed a bemused looking Remus Lupin, and a still stunned Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. When his eyes caught sight of Harry sitting and chatting eagerly with the twins, Sirius grinned, pulling up a chair next to the boy and chuckling.

"So, as I await my long overdue day in court, I do believe you two have something that belongs to Harry," the grey eyed man said with a wicked grin on his face as he gave Fred and George a pointed look.

"Hmm..." One of the twins paused, before looking at his brother. "Do you recall ever taking something of Harry's oh brother mine?"

"Why no, not that I recall," other boy answered agreeably. "Do you?"

"Not the foggiest, my dear brother."

"Marauder Mischief Manifest and Magnificate!" Remus spoke up, chuckling as he too took a seat.

Suddenly from one of the twin's pockets, there was a shifting crinkling sound, as something suddenly came alive within it, as the boy gave out a startled yelp, a paper figure suddenly leapt from his body and landed on the table. Acting as if it was dusting itself off, it looked to be a humanoid origami figure that bent and moved like a living being. Shifting its head one way then another, it immediately began to tap its foot in impatient expectation.

"Bloody brilliant!" The pair couldn't help but exclaim in unison.

"Yes, the map was our finest creation," Remus said fondly as he reached out, picking up the little paper figure and depositing it on his shoulder. "In our seventh year though, we no longer really needed it."

The paper figure crossed its arms at that, some how conveying the appearance of giving Remus a dirty look as Sirius continued for him. "So, we let ole Filch get a hold of it; lock it away, until some deserving heir to our legacy braved his wrath to steal something from his confiscated goodies... The Map's charmed to help... properly inclined individuals find their way to it."

"So, what do you think, Mappy?" Remus spoke up as he looked down at the paper on his shoulder. "Do these two live up to the expectations of the Marauders?"

The little figure reached up, as if stroking its chin in thought before it lifted its 'hand' and waffled it from one side to the next before shrugging. As the twins sat, glaring indignantly at the animated map, Harry was mouthing, "Mappy?" to Sirius.

"Yes, we really, really shouldn't have let him name it, we know." Sirius responded back with a negligent wave of his hand. "Moony always was a bit unimaginative."

The figure on Remus's shoulder immediately nodded rapidly in answer to Sirius's statement as the poorly dressed man glared at it. "Traitor."

"I'll tell you what, that little bugger is a jerk, but he's damned good at sneaking into places to plant things." Sirius grinned nostalgically. "I remember, one time when he went and planted an enchanted stinkweed seed in Snivellus's pocket... then when he got to his potions class, the spell activated, and well..."

"Snivellus?" the twins chorused in unison.

"Severus Snape," Sirius qualified with a chuckle. "Ah, those were the days..."

"Professor Snape?!" Harry blinked and stared at Sirius. "Is that why he hates me?"

"Professor... Snape...?" Sirius said slowly, his eyes widening before he looked in aghast at Remus. "They let that Death Eater teach children?!"

"I'm sure he's... well, according to Dumbledore at least, he's repentant." Remus spoke up cautiously, as the figure on his shoulder some how conveyed an incredulous look without a face.

Sirius turned his head and then looked at the three current Hogwarts students assembled nearby. "Knowing Snivellus, which I must say I have the displeasure of, I'm going to guess he's less than repentant towards Gryffindors?"

"That's the bloody truth." One of the twins spoke up, grumbling lightly before his brother chimed in.

"He can't go more than 20 minutes without throwing out a detention or docking Gryffindor points!"

"Wow, you guys get that long?" Harry spoke up. "Normally we only get about 10, between me and Neville, well..."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret taking the DADA position this year?" Remus sighed as he caught the bridge of his nose with his fingers, ignoring the look of horror Sirius cast his way.

"Mooney! How could you?!" Sirius was aghast as he stared at his friend. "Becoming a part of the establishment?! How could you paint such a target on yourself!"

"Sirius," the man growled softly, "Do you think I CHOOSE to dress like this?" He gestured down at his threadbare robes.

"Well, you always were a little fashion disinclined," Sirius casually commented.

"And tell us then..." One twin began

"What does that make you?" The other finished.

"Why, quite obviously a paragon of fashion and style!" Sirius replied with a smirk.

"Well, as long as you're referring..."

"...To the style of a smarmy, would be..."

"...Casanova, you're right..." The twins back and forth answered again with a grin.

"Hey, nothing would be about it!" The dark haired man grumped. "I'm a damned casanova! Tell em Mooney!"

"... Getting shot down nine times out of ten doesn't make you a Casanova, Padfoot." Remus smirked in return.

"...See if I get you anymore dates Mooney." Sirius stuck his tongue out at his friend before crossing his shoulders grumpily.

"Oh, quit pouting Padfoot, it's unbecoming." The werewolf smirked as he pulled out bottle of aged fire whiskey. "Here..."

"Ooooh, niiiiiiice." The man grinned back. "Where'd you get this?"

"Knicked it from Crouch."

"Even better!" Sirius grinned broadly as he held the bottle close.

"Crouch?" Harry spoke up again, a curious look on his face.

"Ministry bugger who threw me away without a trial." Sirius grumbled back, before making a gesture, the bottle vanishing. "I'll save that for later, more important things to focus on than getting drunk."

"Who're you and what've you done with Sirius?" Remus asked, as Mappy shook its head and stared at the man.

"Hello, godson I've missed the last 11 years of his life here!" Sirius grumbled, gesturing to Harry. "We have much catching up to do." The man paused before grinning maniacally. "Yes, much catching up, and of course much has he to learn in the ways of the Marauder! Hehehehe..."

"I'd advise running now while you have the chance," Remus said dryly at the wide eyed Harry.

"Hey, if you're going to teach Harry..."

"... teach us too!" the twins chorused.

"I thought you two were already pranksters?" Remus rummaged through his robes, before pulling out a parchment. "Ah yes, here we are... Please be advised... etc etc etc... Weasley twins, Fred and George... etc etc etc... known to be determined and creative pranksters, with explosive tendencies..."

"We blow up one toilet..."

"...with Draco Malfoy sitting on it..."

"...and we're stereotyped as explosive for life," the twins complained in unison.

"You guys pulled an exploding toilet on Draco?!" There was a sudden surge of anger in Sirius voice, his grey eyes glinting as he loomed over the twins.

"Um... yes?" the pair responded worriedly in unsion.

"Good!" The man suddenly grinned as he flopped back down into his chair, "I never did care for what Lucy did to Cissy."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something?" Harry blinked a moment as he looked at Sirius.

"Narcissa Malfoy, Draco's mother," Sirius responded, "Used to be Narcissa Black, still my cousin, etc etc etc..." The man waved his hand magnanimously before grinning a bit. "Arranged pure blood marriage thing, same with Trixie, though, she ended up even worse off than Cissy... They should've gotten out with Rommie."

"Well, not everyone was as smart as Andromeda, or as stubbornly foolish as you." Remus pointed out with a smile.

"How come Rommie gets to be smart, and I'm just stubborn?" Sirius whined softly

"I think..."

"... you just..."

"...answered your..."

"...own question." The sentence flowed perfectly between the twins as they grinned back at Sirius.

"How do you two do that any way?" Harry suddenly spoke up. "I don't see Parvarti and Padma doing things like that."

"They, my good boy, have shunned the way of the twin." One of the two spoke up sadly.

"I mean, look at them, each in a different house!" The other added with a tsk.

"It's a shame really, but alas, some people just don't understand the joys of twinhood!"

"Too true brother mine, too true."

"I worry about you two sometimes, I really do..." Harry grumbled.

"Aww... Thanks Harry!" The two said in unison with a grin.

"Heh, hey Remus, any idea what Nymphadora's up to these days?" Sirius grinned. "I want to know how my second favorite cousin grew up."

"Nymphadora... Tonks?" One of the twins suddenly blinked. "You're related to her?"

"Oh, you know little Nymmie?" Instantly the man eagerly looked at the two. "How'd she turn out?"

"Well, mainly..."

"... we only know her..."

"... by reputation," the twins said nervously, before one of them continued on his own.

"She was a Hufflepuff seventh year in Harry's first. A metamorphmagus, with a mean temper." The boy paused a bit. "And a bit of a wicked sense of humor."

"Of course, there were the rumors, but..." The other twin added, shifting uncomfortably as Sirius suddenly stared at him sharply.

"What rumors...?" Cold blue eyes demanded.

"Well, she's a morpher, ya know?" the first responded, before his brother continued.

"I think people really gave her a hard time about it, girls... well you know how girls get with a girl prettier than them, and Tonks... well." The boy shrugged a bit. "Hard to compete with a girl that can look better than you in seconds when it takes regular girls hours to get all primped up..."

"And guys..." The other winced a bit. "We like Tonks, we really do, she's brilliant fun, but a lot of guys just saw the morpher."

"So, of course it was our duty to as Gryffindors to avenge our Puff friend's honor!"

"She looked out for a couple of mischievous ickle firsties, who liked to bite off more than they could chew, we just returned the favor."

"In spades."

Sirius got an odd looking glint in his eyes then, before he turned his attention to Remus. "Mr. Padfoot would like to inquire what Mr. Mooney thinks of these two gents."

"Mr. Mooney believes that they have put forth a most commendable record," Remus responded. "And he would like to wonder if Mr. Padfoot is planning what he thinks he is."

"Mr. Padfoot believes that their training should begin post haste." Sirius grinned. "Though, he does of course believe that Mr. Prongslet should be included."

"Prongslet?" Harry spoke up, a brow arched up.

"Well, it flows better than Prongs Junior." One of the twins pointed out.

"Or Prongs the Second," the other added.

"Or, the Second Coming of Prongs."

"Or, The Prongs Strikes Back."

"Or Return of the Prongs."

"Or..."

"Enough!" Harry groaned, "I get it, I get it."

"Just being helpful!" the pair chimed in unison.

Tears beginning to glisten in his eyes, Sirius turned his head and looked at Remus. "It's so... Beautiful!"

"What is?" Remus responded a tad warily.

"All that potential!" He grinned back, his eyes suddenly twinkling. "All that raw, waiting to be refined potential... Just think of it Mooney! Think of the Marauders we could make out of them!"

"You know Minerva is going to kill us right?" Remus offered up blandly.

"Bah, Minnie needs to learn to lighten up anyway!" Sirius was almost cackling now as he rubbed his hands together. "But, of course, they still need to get in touch... with you know what."

"I'm sure we'll be able to help them with that when we get to that issue." Remus responded easily. "Though, I'm not sure if we should be encouraging it..."

"Oh come on! How're they going to get their names without it?!" Sirius countered.

"Innovation and personality?"

"Nope, its Marauder tradition!" Sirius argued.

"What is?" Harry asked curiously.

Casting a furitive glance about, making certain that the Weasley parents weren't close enough to hear, Sirius whispered to the three boys, "Animagus training!"

"Brilliant!" the twins crowed in unison.

"Isn't that a bit, dangerous...?" Harry furrowed his brows a moment. "But it does sound handy."

"Harry..."

"...mate..."

"...you've been..."

"... hanging out with..."

"...Hermoine too much," the twins chorused back and forth

"Indeed, doesn't seem very healthy, not at all," Sirius agreed with a quick nod as he looked over at Remus. "What do you think Mooney?"

"...I already told you what I think, " the werewolf responded with a grunt as he looked back at Sirius.

"No, Remus, prefect, soon to be Hogwarts Professor, and rule following goody goody told us what he thought," Sirius countered with that wicked grin. "I asked Mooney, the Marauder what he thought."

"Bloody hell." The man sighed, putting his face in his hands. "I know I'm going to regret this, but...."

"That's the spirit!" Sirius grinned, clapping his friend on the back, before his eyes twinkled wickedly as he looked at the three boys. "Yes... this will work out VERY nicely."

"What're you plotting, Black?" the voice carried across the room, before the were all 'treated' to the sight of Severus Snape, stalking through the Weasley home, followed by a worried looking Minerva McGonagall and a curious looking Albus Dumbldore.

"Ah, speak of the Snivellus and he appears!" Sirius almost crowed, before paused a moment and amending. "Well, eventually, I'm afraid you ceased being the topic of conversation several minutes past, I suppose we could begin a new... Did you boys want to mention how utterly abysmal he is as a Professor again?"

"Black..." There was a growl burning past the potions professor's lips as his dark wand was raised and pointed directly at the man in question. "I don't know how you escaped..."

"Really, I thought it would've been rather obvious?" Sirius blinked a bit before shrugging as an apple appeared in his hand and he took a bite. "I walked out."

"A need for fresh air I suppose?" Professor Dumbledore offered as he raised a brow kindly upwards.

"No, I think it was more the being tired of waiting over a decade for my trial." The man took another bite from his apple before pausing shrugging a bit. "Though, the fresh air doesn't hurt. By the way, you just missed all the excitement. Amelia Bones, 'Mad-Eye', a good number of Aurors and Ministry officials, uncorrupted ones of course. Oh, and Peter Pettigrew."

"Peter Pettigrew has been dead 11 years!" Minerva McGonagall spoke up, glaring at the man. "Since you killed him!"

"No, Peter Pettigrew has been hiding as Scabbers the rat for 11 years." Sirius paused before taking another bite. "Since he framed me for killing him and a number of muggles."

"Oh, and then where would he be now then hmmm, Black?" Severus sneered, his cold eyes locked on the man. "Still hidden somewhere, pretending to be a rat amongst the Weasley brats?"

"Oh no," Sirius responded casually still eating his apple. "I handed him over to the Aurors and Madam Bones. He should be at the Ministry in Auror custody right now."

"... I... see..." Albus Dumbledore spoke up. "And, just what were you planning on doing now Sirius?"

"Oh, this, that..." The man made a negligent wave. "Catch up with old friends, spend time with my godson, making new friends, etc etc etc... Oh, Mooney, make sure you remind me to refamiliarize myself with the fairer sex... 10 plus years without it... yes, not a streak I care to continue."

"Naturally," Remus responded dryly as he chuckled just a bit, watching as Snape continued to level his wand at Sirius, "You know, Severus, it really isn't a good idea for you to be making threats towards Sirius."

"Stay out of this mongrel!" Snape snarled softly as the tip of his wand began to glow.

Remus sighed just a bit before holding up his hand and instantly Snape's wand flew from it into his. "Really Severus, try to be a civilized adult for a change."

Snape stared at Remus incredulously as both of the professors flanking him blinked in surprise at the display, before Dumbledore coughed slightly and spoke up. "That was not magic."

"No, it wasn't," Remus casually agreed as he lay the potions professor's wand down on the table before him.

"Am I to take it that you have... regained your former position?" Warily the professor spoke again, his eyes flickering to Sirius for a moment.

"Well, technically I never lost it, I simply stopped exercising it," the man responded, before pausing. "A shame really, if I hadn't, I'd have known about the grandiose stupidity that was going on far earlier."

"But, then you wouldn't have gotten the lovely sight of Snivellus standing there with his mouth trying to catch flies after you stole his wand." Sirius pointed out. "Almost makes it worthwhile... that memory's definitely going in the pensieve."

"I suppose..." Remus responded neutrally.

"I don't know about his pensieve..."

"... But as soon as we get one...

"... It's going in ours!" the twins spoke up.

"Oh, then we'll definitely have to make it worthwhile, won't we, Mooney?" Sirius spoke up, grinning with a twinkling sparkle in his eyes.

"Enough!" Snape snapped out of his stupor as he glared at the men. "Return my wand!"

"You know, I think you're not quite familiar with the situation you've found yourself in Severus Snape." Sirius spoke up, in a casual neutrality to his voice as he would let his eyes lock onto the potions professor. "You see, I find myself returning with a number of fairly disturbing bits of knowledge floating around in my mind, among them, things about you, and what you've done. And, of course, what your actions have lead to."

"Are you threatening me, Black?" Words came, laced with the venom of sarcasm and disdain as he looked down his hooked nose at the blue eyed man.

"Chosen don't threaten," A voice came past Sirius lips, as words were spoke, filling the with warning and power as bare feet crossed the Burrow's floor. "We warn, and then, when those warnings are ignored, we follow through."

"I would, again, point out that you should listen to him, Severus." Remus spoke up casually as he would lightly lay out the dark wand in his hand, before casually turning his eyes onto the infuriated potions professor.

Wand gripped in hand, Dumbledore carefully lifted his voice to speak. "Am I to take it that Sirius somehow found another that would take him... even after he broke his previous oath?"

"Wrong Dumbles." Sirius spoke up, his eyes the ones that were twinkling this time as he would casually gesture, just before Snape's dark billowing robes were replaced by a rather tight pink tutu. "I never broke my oath, if you paid attention earlier, you'd have noticed that. Or," he paused a moment, looking deep into the man's eyes, "Perhaps, you were paying attention, but were hoping your professors weren't?"

"Now, Sirius..." the old man spoke with a soft gentleness, before suddenly stiffening, his eyes flowing wide in shock.

"Tsk tsk, didn't you know Dumbles?" Sirius rolled his eyes lightly and turned his head to Professor McGonagall. "Really, he never learns about some things... you should never try to use Legimens on a Chosen... How've you been Minnie?"

"Mr. Black... Since its becoming obvious that everyone has been jumping to conclusions about things," the stern woman responded. "Would you be so kind as to explain?" She paused a moment, before glancing at the now pirouetting Severus. "And please stop Professor Snape's dance, before I'm forced to Oblivate myself."

"Ah, but think of the fortune those boys could make selling the pensieve memories!" Sirius countered before snickering softly and waving his hand, and suddenly Snape was once more wearing robes Although, pink with yellow polka dot robes, that actually swished instead of billowed might not have been an improvement in the Professor's mind. "Don't worry about Dumbles, Coyote will probably be berating him for a while now, he's somewhat of a hypocrite, loves to meddle, but hates when other people stick their nose where it doesn't belong."

"And you're doing what here?" The head of the Gryffindor house pushed once more.

"Always to the point, eh Minnie? No casual conversation, no reminiscing over old times..." Sirius gave a theatrical sigh, the back of his hand falling against his forehead before he would look back at the woman. "I feel so unloved."

"Sirius..." The stern woman's tone held a shiver of threat, despite how her lip struggled not to twitch upwards.

"Better at least," the man shrugged before he would continue, "I'm clearing my name, getting to know my godson, getting reacquainted with old friends and making new ones."

"I see..." She took one look at where Harry and the twins were watching with amused grins on their faces before turning back towards Sirius, her look hardening significantly. "These new 'friends' of yours, wouldn't by any chance be an attempt to pass on the... 'illustrious' legacy you, Professor Lupin, and Mr. Potter's father created, now would it?"

"Now Minnie, would I do that?" Big blue grey eyes stared back into the stern woman's face as he simply, smiled at her.

"... I do believe I be having a word with Poppy about stocking up on headache potions..." Minerva McGonagall said with a sigh.

"I'll see about getting you a good supply of scotch too," Sirius added with a grin.

"It better be damned good scotch, Mr. Black," the woman said sourly, though a slight ghost of a smile appeared on her lips.

"Noted, Minnie." The man gave a happy little salute before turning towards the still fuming Snape. "As for you... I do believe I owe you certain... words in regards to my godson, and all the other non-Slytherin students in your care."

"How I teach my classes is no concern of yours, Black." The man sneered back at the man, before suddenly he found himself forced up against the wall, without so much as a wave of the blue eyed man's hand.

"How you treat my godson, MAKES it my concern, Severus Snape." The words grew heavy in the air, power thickening around them as he began to slowly step towards the struggling, helpless man. "My godson is the child of the Chosen of Oberon and Titania of the High Sidhe court, he has been watched by them, by Coyote, whom I follow, by Hermes, whom Remus is Chosen for. Even Loki, cowardly, selfish, vain creature that he is, feels something for that boy. And through them, more eyes than you can imagine watch over what he does and what is done to him."

Sirius Black, paused a long moment, letting the words sink themselves into the man before him, as he stood a presence that shone with a power and warning as he continued. "Know this Severus Snape, they have watched, and they have seen you. Know this, and know you have earned the ire of forces beyond what any witch or wizard could ever hope to control. Know this, and know that you have been given the only warning they will."

And with that, the potions professor was released, his body slumping down the wall with his pale, sallow flesh glistening with sweat and fear as he looked back at the man looming over him. Seeing that the man was unable to form a response, Sirius shook his head in disgust and then turned his head towards the transfiguration professor. "How could you have replaced Slughorn with... that?"

"Severus is a more than competent Potions Master Mr. Black," the woman responded stiffly, though her eyes glimmered in resignation.

"A potions master is something I'll never deny about Snape, he's always been good with them," Sirius responded. "But a teacher, that's something he isn't by any measure of the word."

"When Horace retired... Albus insisted on hiring Severus." The woman allowed before sighing softly. "I can't say that I'm not disappointed in how he's... taken his position. What was once the most beloved class in our school has become the most hated."

"Hey, he got ME interested in potions, that tells you something," Sirius responded with that amused grin curled upon his features before he turned his gaze back towards the boys, pausing as he would casually caress his fingers against his chin. "Hmmm... I wonder... I'll have to look into that."

"... That was a most... unsettling experience," Albus Dumbledore spoke up as he roused himself from his stupor. "Being talked down to by a giant cartoon coyote in one's own mind... Not an experience one would care to repeat."

"Ah, the bumbler awakens." Sirius yawned a moment, before stretching out, casually wandering back over to the table and taking his seat again as he leaned back against the table's edge. "So, was there anything else you wanted?"

"Sirius..." the old man began.

"Anything that doesn't involve Harry being sent back to the Dursleys and their abuse?"

The man's jaw swiftly rose shut with an audible click as he would give the man a hard look. "That is for his own protection, Sirius."

"Blah blah blah." Sirius shook his head as he shifted just slightly in his chair. "Severus isn't the only one on thin ice, Dumbles."

"Sirius..." the man continued.

"That's Lord Poffenburger to you," the grey eyed man responded airily.

"Lord Poffenburger?" Remus asked curiously.

"Of course," Sirius nodded in response. "I won't let him address me with such familiarity. So, he can use a completely made up, fabricated and meaningless title." He paused a moment, before continuing. "Though, I was thinking 'His Much Macho Muttliness.'"

"Lord Poffenburger it is then," the werewolf responded dryly. "Unless you boys can come up with a better one?"

"Hmmm... " one of the twins began before his brother picked up for him.

"Count Oddit the Mildly Abnormal?"

"Duke Duckinchase, his most Quackiness?"

"Ooooh I like that one!" Sirius spoke up while the twins continued.

"The Grand Countess VonVundersmut!"

"Mugglilumpkins?"

"Twinkovali, the grand olimphone conductor!"

"Sir Snufflikins?" Harry added in just for grins.

"Now, you're just being silly." Sirius almost giggled as he winked at Harry. "Good."

"Sirius..." Dumbledore spoke up once more.

"You have been given a list of titles by which you may address me, Dumbles," the man snapped back. "You may use any, or all of them, but you do not have the privilege of addressing me by my name."

"Very well... Lord Poffenburger." Grudgingly the aged wizard spoke the title. "What exactly will you do then? Surely the Ministry will not allow you to go trapezing about free as a bird."

"Well, not that they could stop me." Sirius chuckled a bit. "But, I agreed to a bit of a... house arrest as it were, until the trial that is. I can go here, so Harry can visit his friends..."

"We'd naturally be welcoming him in open arms," one of the twins filled in quickly.

"And we wouldn't even be putting anything on his back," the other supplied.

"Which gives me plenty of opportunity to put something on theirs," Harry mused aloud, stroking his chin.

Instantly the twins took a moment, switching their looks between one another and Harry himself, before breaking into a broad grin as they looked at Sirius. "You're already a good influence on him!"

"Yes," the man casually buffed his nails against his jacket, "I know, I know, but as I was saying, I can be here, at home, Diagon Alley, to get Harry's school supplies of course... Never mentioned Nocturne, so not even going to see if that's close enough to cover it... and of course, Hogwarts!"

"You're allowed to go to Hogwarts...?" There was a tinge of worry rippling through the old man's voice as he responded.

"Yes, indeed," the wildly grinning man responded. "How else can I help insure that my godson is properly taken care of? I mean, the last two years have hardly been sterling examples of safety. And of course there was the fact that in however in all the years Pettigrew was hiding as a rat, you somehow, never once knew he was there."

"Shows you how amazing of a kid he is, doesn't it?" Remus spoke up casually, grinning softly. "A 12 year old, facing and slaying a 1,000 year old basilisk."

"Yes, it does give him some rather brilliant stories to woo the birds with, doesn't it?" Sirius grinned slightly at that as he lightly elbowed his godson. "And they they love an interesting scar... Still, doesn't change the fact that he never should have been in that kind of danger in the supposed safest place in the isles."

He paused a moment, before suddenly speaking in a series of hisses. "Mooney, remind me to go down with Harry to sssee what we can sssalvage from the basssilisssk."

"Good idea," Remus hissed himself, while Harry stared wildly.

"You're both parlsemouthsss?" the boy hissed, watching the confused and jealous stares the twins were giving them.

"Nope," Sirius hissed back with a grin. "We're cheating, but it is a right handy ssskill... Might wanna sssee if we can come up with sssomething to let you sssshare it, if you're willing."

"I can think of... certain sssomeonesss, I'd be willing to do that with," the boy responded as he suddenly grinned at the twins.

"Nice to know," Sirius responded as he switched back to English, "And we'll definitely have to look into that... Now then." He pointed a finger at Dumbledore. "You, stop trying to meddle in my godson's life. I can not only keep him safe, but healthy, something your little plan neglects entirely."

Turning his finger, he brought his finger like a dagger to point onto Snape, "You, either learn how to teach or quit. I've already warned you of your consequences."

Finally that finger turned onto Minerva McGonagall. "And as for you!" He suddenly grinned, before standing and striding over, catching the stern woman in a powerful hug. "Don't change, someone has to help balance out all the unruly influences I'll be having on my godson."

Her eyes softened for a moment, as she gently returned the man's hug, "Don't worry Sirius, I won't." she paused a moment before giving him another stern look. "But you still owe me that scotch!"

"But of course!" He nodded eagerly before grinning at her. "Just go easy on it, you'll need your wits about you to catch them."

"Hey!" the twins cried in unison.

"What? Its no fun if you never get caught my boys!" Sirius grinned at the pair. "Still so much to teach you..." He paused a moment, before grinning and winking at the boys. "Of course, it's also about choosing WHO catches you."

"And would that be why I ended up catching you four so many times Sirius?" The woman gave a tight lipped smile, struggling not to allow it to grow any further.

"Well, you, Professor Flitwick, or Professor Slughorn," Sirius grinned fondly for a moment. "Slughorn always did get a bit of a kick out of some of our more... ingenious ventures."

"Don't forget how happy Professor Flitwick was with some of those charms we developed," Remus added with a chuckle. "Ah, good times..."

"Oh, by the way, Harry?" Sirius spoke up, looking back at his godson. "We're going to be having words about your class selection, there will be some changes." His tone had suddenly shifted to completely professional as he looked back at Minerva. "Professor McGonagall, if you would be so kind as to send the appropriate forms? My godson needs to have a firm understanding of just how spells actually work."

"But..." Harry spoke up, before getting a hard elbow in his side by the nearest twin.

"Harry..." The twins quickly began their back and forth speech.

"...dear boy..."

"... he's quite right..."

"... don't take after..."

"... our ickle Ronnie-kins..."

"... we wouldn't be half..."

"...the wizards we are without..."

"...the right classes!"

"You two enjoy doing that entirely too much, you know that right?" Harry grumbled as he eyed the pair through his glasses.

"THANKS!" they both grinned at him as they crowed their response.

"Ugh!" The boy groaned softly as he flopped back in his chair. "As long as you don't turn me into a male Hermione."

"Perish the thought." Sirius waved off with his hand. "See Minnie? Nothing to worry too much about, I'll be sure he gets after his studies."

"Never have I found the prospect of a student excelling in their studies such a frightening possibility." The woman shuddered softly before sighing. "Gentlemen, I think its time we took our leave, before I end up needing a drink tonight."

"Well, I can't get you any scotch right now." Sirius grinned. "But I could get you some very high quality peyote!"

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt..." Dumbledore spoke up, a tad bit of hope in his voice.

"Albus!" the woman's protest slammed against the man she snapped back at him. "Come along now! You too, Severus!"

"... Bugger, I knew I should've spent more time enjoying the 60s..." the aged headmaster muttered quietly, his head hung low as he allowed himself to be lead off, vanishing in a puff of green flame along with his professors.

"Well, now that that's over with..." Sirius began as he rounded about back towards the table.

"Hold it right there, Sirius Black!" Molly Weasley's voice called out.

"Oh bugger." Sirius sighed, catching his face in his hand. "Hello again, Molly. Interesting evening, isn't it?"

"Oh no you don't!" The woman almost squawked as she glared at the man. "You don't come in her and... and abscond with my family!"

"Hmmm... now there's an intriguing thought!" The dark haired man's eyes twinkled as he looked at the twins. "How'd you boys like to be Blacks?"

As the twins looked at one another in silent speculation, Molly only brought her voice up once more. "I just said you're NOT absconding with them!"

"I know," Sirius responded. "Fortunately, you didn't say anything about luring, bribing or adopting."

"Bribing?" the pair immediately chorused.

"Well, of course!" he nodded, ignoring the flummoxed look on their mother's face. "Ending up with Harry as a little brother!"

"Hmmm, well that..."

"...certainly is quite the bribe..." the twins responded.

"Fred and George Weasley!" the pair's mother almost shrieked out.

"Actually, I'm George," the first twin countered.

"And I'm Fred," the second added, before pausing, "Or was I Forge and you're Gred?"

"I'm not sure, it does get confusing, doesn't it?"

"Indeed oh brother mine."

"... You're planning on adopting me?" Harry spoke up, carefully, his eyes guarded as he looked at the man.

"Well I certainly can't let you go back to the Dursleys now can I?" Sirius responded with a grin. "So, yes, that was the plan..."

"Absolutely NOT!" Molly spoke up, angrily raising her voice. "I won't allow Harry to be taken in by a... a... criminal like you!"

"Mrs. Weasley, I would suggest you calm down." Remus spoke up quietly, locking his eyes with the woman's. "Shouting and jumping to conclusions is not the way to approach this."

"Jumping to conclusions?! The man just escaped from Azkaban!"

"Where he was sent for 11 years without a trial," the scarred man countered. "And he was able to produce the person that he had supposedly murdered, who was the actual betrayer I might add. Now he's released on his on recognizance until his trial."

Remus took a moment for his words to sink in before he continued. "The reason he's still here is because Harry is friends with, and Harry apparently cares, or at least did, a good deal for your family... Though judging by the look on his face, I'm not sure how much that still applies..."

"... If I say I'd like to go, you won't take me back to the Dursleys right?" Harry spoke up, warily.

"Don't worry pup." Sirius reached down, catching Harry about one shoulder , holding him lightly back against his chest. "You're not going back to them, I promise."

"... Thank you." the boy said softly as he gave Sirius a soft hug, before looking at the man. "Can we go then?"

"Sure pup, sure," the man said gently as he stood. "We'll see about coming back so you can see your friends soon, all right?"

"That'd be nice," Harry paused a moment before offering a weak smile to the twins. "Nice to see you again Fred, George... Tell Ron I said hi, would you?"

"Sure thing Harry," Fred quickly responded.

"Hope to hear from you soon," George added, before the brothers shared a look then whispered down so only he could hear them. "And let us know how serious he is about that offer for us."

"Yeah, sure," The boy smiled a bit once more before nodding as he looked at Sirius, carefully avoiding Molly's gaze. "So, where're we headed?"

"You'll see." Sirius grinned softly. "The walls have ears you know" He winked then grinned at Remus. "I'm sure you know the way Mooney, see you there."

And with that, Harry Potter and Sirius Black vanished once more.

-The Next Morning-

"The Rat That Should Have Died!

In a surprise turn of events, a short time after his escape from Azkaban Prison, alleged, and yes, I do mean ALLEGED murderer Sirius Black summoned forth a group of Ministry Officials and Aurors, including Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement herself, Amelia Bones. At this undisclosed location, Black, in the company of none other than Harry Potter himself, whose parents Black was alleged to have played a crucial role in their betrayal and murder. But, this was not the most shocking of revelations.

Mr. Black then proceeded to produce none other than Peter Pettigrew, now revealed to have been an illegal animagus, his form a common rat, and marked Death Eater. It was Pettigrew, not Black who had been the Potters' Secret Keeper, a ploy meant to throw off He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's followers that was doomed by Pettigrew's betrayal. But the tragedy doesn't end there.

The past 11 years, Black had spent in a cold dark cell in Azkaban prison, waiting for his trial. Eleven years ladies and gentlemen, in which he waited to tell the world the truth about what's known as one of the greatest betrayals of our time. Let this reporter remind our readers, that even the LeStranges, three of the Dark Lord's most fanatical followers all received their trials.

But the same cannot be said for Sirius Black.

At least until this coming Friday, where the man who was accused of betraying is allowed to face his accusers, most prominent among them, Bartomey Crouch, whose own son was a known Death Eater prior to his death at Azkaban. Crouch is accused of being responsible for the 11 long years Black languished in the most horrendous of conditions without trial.

The rat himself, Pettigrew, is reported to have already confessed under Veritaserum to being the Potters' Secret Keeper, as well as the actual murderer of the 12 muggles on that fateful day. Hopefully, the truth will come out soon.

Black's Trial is scheduled for this Friday."

Sirius chuckled a bit in amusement as he handed the Daily Prophet over to Remus, while he bit into his toast. "Really, not a single mention of the fact that I simply walked out of there, with the Dementors giving me full leeway."

"What's a Dementor exactly?" Harry spoke up where he was tapping away at the soft boiled egg perched on his plate.

"We really need to get you caught up my boy." Sirius sighed again, before making a gesture, a floating black, wraith light figure floated at a grand height of six inches, his body cloaked in a grey tattered rag, as motes of shadow seemed to swirl around it. "This, is what a Dementor looks like, in miniature. They're right nasty little things, that love to feed off of the pain, suffering and anguish that people have experienced in their lives." he paused a moment, before eying Harry carefully. "Would be a good idea for you to avoid them until we get you properly situated."

"You had to put up with those things for 10 years?!" The boy stared at the man, a look of worry crossing his features. "That... I can't even begin to imagine..."

"Well, judging by the rest of my prison mates, I'd say it was rather excruciating." Sirius paused a moment as he dipped a slice of toast into the soft yolk of his egg. "Even had a chat with Trixie before I left... Thankfully I didn't have to endure all that dementor torment."

"You... didn't?" Harry blinked, confused for a moment. "But you said..."

"Yes, most people are quite helpless to them." Sirius spoke up cheerfully. "Myself though? Chosen they tend to avoid, we tend to rather... violently disagree with their palette."

"Oh... I see." The boy blinked a moment. "Who's Trixie?"

"Used to be my second, then third favorite cousin." Sirius spoke up. "After Rommie and then little Nymmie. Then she went all proper pure blood on us, dutifully married a Death Eater, became one herself, turned into He-Who-Smells's favorite. Right twisted she became." He paused a moment, nibbling again at his toast. "Completely shattered her mind."

"Oh..." The boy paused a moment. "Then she... did some rather bad things?"

"Absolutely unforgivable ones sadly." Sirius spoke up quietly. "If I didn't know how completely they destroyed her, I'd hate her... After what they did to the Longbottoms..."

"Longbottom?" Harry spoke up. "Like Neville?"

"Frank and Alice," Sirius nodded quietly. "His parents... The LeStranges and Bartemy Crouch Jr put them under the Cruciatus curse until their minds... were just gone."

A twinge of sadness and anger flashed across the boy's emerald eyes before he sighed. "Poor Neville... that does explain a lot though."

"A little lacking in the confidence department eh?" Sirius nodded a bit. "His parents were good Aurors, and good people. Friends with your mum and dad as well... His grandmother though... Heh, Augusta was always a bit of a... force."

"Doesn't help that Snape likes to single him out almost as much as he does me." The boy grumbled softly.

"Eh." Sirius shrugged slightly as he smiled at the boy. "I've got an idea about that, though, I'm not sure exactly how hard it will be to get my old potions professor to come out of retirement. Though, if he knew it was to teach you... I think he'd probably jump at the chance."

"Because I'm the Boy-Who-lived, right?" There was a slight sullen tone to his voice as he spoke up.

"Well, yes," the man nodded before grinning, "Partially at least... the fact that you're the son of Lils would probably mean just as much though. Ole Slughorn adored your mother."

"He did...?" The boy looked up, a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Oh indeed! Your mother was absolutely brilliant with potions! Blew Snape out of the water!" The man nodded eagerly with a smile. "Snape's good, there's no arguing it, but your mom, she was something else."

"Nobody ever told me that," Harry said quietly. "I wish I'd known... I would've tried harder."

"Well, the fact that you have a greasy git who hates himself and takes his frustrations at himself out on the wrong person for a Potions Professor doesn't help." Sirius spoke up softly before he leaned back a bit. "I suppose he never told you he knew your mum since before Hogwarts?"

"WHAT?!"

"Yup!" The man grinned devilishly as he took a bite out of his suddenly jammed toast. "They grew up on the same street, neighbors even."

"Why was Snape living in a muggle street?" The boy blinked again, his eyes wide and uncertain.

"His father was a muggle." The man shrugged a bit and chuckled. "Kinda ironic isn't it? The head of the house with the most blatant pureblood bigotry, is the son of a muggle."

"Wow..." The boy blinked a bit. "That's weird."

"Yes, isn't it?" The man shrugged a bit and rolled his eyes. "But its also complete and utter hogwash. The only people who care about that are people with sticks up their asses who want to feel like they're better than someone else. We've ALL got muggles back up along our family tree. Just the way it is."

"I guess." He shrugged slightly. "So... what're we gonna do until the trial?"

"Well, I was planning on getting to know you a bit better, if that's all right?" The man grinned, slightly nervously a moment as he shifted about on his chair, taking another piece of buttered toast to his egg's yolk and dipping it in.. "I mean, the last time I spent any real time with you before last night, you were still in diapers!"

"A lovely image that is." The boy shot back with a grumble.

"Don't worry, I figured we'd see about checking in on Rommie and Ted too, and if she's about, little Nymmie."

"She does sound interesting." Harry nodded quietly. "From what the twins said. But, how're we gonna get there, that's not one of the places you agreed you'd limit yourself to."

"Oh, forgot about that." Sirius paused a moment, before snapping his fingers. "Mind if I borrow your Owl?"

"You're not going to do something devious with her, are you?" Harry asked, his eyes cautious and wary.

"Perish the thought!" Sirius immediately protested. "I just need her to take a letter to Rommie and Ted, inviting them over for lunch or dinner."

"Oh, Okay." He agreed quietly, nodding his head just a bit. "Just make sure you give her a treat for it."

"Of course," Sirius replied quickly, nodding his head.

Harry paused a moment, looking at the man a bit carefully. "Were you serious about the adoption thing?"

"Of course I want to adopt you Harry!" The man proclaimed, his eyes exuding a happy eagerness. "Don't ever doubt that!"

"No, I meant the twins." The boy did manage a bit of a grin however as he looked back at him. "Though, that's good to know as well."

"Ah." The man smiled and nodded. "I wanna check with Nymmie first and confirm things... but if they're willing, and they can talk their way into it with their parents, I think they'd make fine Blacks... as Blacks should be."

"I would kinda like having brothers..." The boy admitted quietly.

"Well, just don't get your hopes up too high." Sirius warned quietly. "Molly probably wouldn't be too open to the idea, at least not anytime soon. But we'll see."

"All right." The boy deflated a bit, before smiling slightly. "I like this."

"Good." Sirius grinned back. "I was planning on doing it a lot more often."

-End Note: mm... fun... heh, back to bondage style again I suppose, but Tricksters is fun to write as well.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Like a Thief in the Day

Disclaimer: For those that haven't figured it out, I'm not JK Rowling, and thus I have no claim to Harry Potter and its characters, which I suppose is a good thing, I'd look absolutely horrible in a frock.

Author's Notes: Don't you know, madness is contagious.

-A quiet afternoon-

BOOM!

-Well, it was a quiet afternoon-

Harry glared at his godfather, his arms crossed about his chest and a frown on his face. Said godfather had the decency to offer his godson a sheepish, apologetic grin. "Ok, maybe I did add a little bit too much bloodroot."

For a moment, Harry coughed out a small cloud of purple smoke before starting to rub the burgundy colored soot off his face. "Sirius..."

"Sorry?" He offered up, wincing slightly with a nervous chuckle. "I am a bit out of practice."

"Why was it I agreed to let you tutor me then?" Harry grumbled slightly as he offered his godfather a glare.

"Because, at least it's not boring?" Sirius grinned happily at his godson. "And we get to do fun experiments, and when they go bad, it's usually me who they blow up on?"

"You do realize you're over 30 years old, right?" Harry pointed out, grinning slightly. "You're still acting like you're my age."

"Well, one of us has to." Sirius quipped back. "Obviously this Hermione is a horrible, horrible influence on you!"

"Like Remus was on you and Dad?" Harry countered with a grin.

"That's different." Sirius immediately protested. "We got to Remus early enough, and we outnumbered him! Plus… well… Hermione's a girl, and they're all just plain nutters."

"I heard that!" A female voice rippled through the air. "Sirius Orion Black!"

"Andromeda Cassiopeia Black Tonks!" Sirius immediately countered before he turned his grinning face to the dark haired woman attempting to glare at him with black heavy lidded eyes. "Rommie!"

"Same ole Sirius." Andromeda Tonks sighed even as the smile curled upon her lips, before she turned and looked at grinning but soot covered Harry. "And little Harry… Well, not so little as the last time I saw you. Got caught up in one of Sirius' schemes hmm?"

"Nah, he botched a potion," Harry responded with a slight wave of his hand as he studied the woman in front of him. "He's been talking about you a lot."

"Ah, has he finally spilt the dirt on my wife?" A deep rumbling voice lifted through the air, as a broad-chested black haired man appeared behind Andromeda, with a deep, almost serene smile on his lips. "You're a braver man than I Sirius."

"Ted, good to-OOOF!" Sirius began before he was tackled by a pinked haired blur that knocked him to the ground, hugging him tightly. "And I take it this little ballistic missile is ickle Nymmie?"

"Oi!" the young woman glared up at Sirius, even as she refused to let go, squeezing him tightly while her mother stared in bemused confusion and her father grinned. "Not so little you prat!"

"A braver man, and able to get away with calling our little Dora that." Ted laughed out loud as he looked down at his wildly dressed daughter in her jeans and t-shirt. "Just remember, he IS your cousin, Dora."

"Ballistic Missile?" Andromeda asked with a slight look of curiosity even through her amusement.

"Muggle weapon," Harry offered with a slight grin. "Gets a blast behind it that sends it off with a lot of explosive force."

"That does sound like our Nymphadora," Andromeda agreed with a soft, musical laugh.

"Oi! Mum! You know I hate being called that!" The girl finally released Sirius before standing up and grinning at Harry himself. "Wotcher! Last time I saw you…" Her nose scrunched up slightly as she thought back. "Well you were still in diapers."

"And you weren't that far out of them." Ted put in, grinning slightly.

"Dad!" Nymphadora whined slightly, lightly stamping her foot with a growl, her hair shifting to a brilliant shade of red and orange.

"What's wrong with your name?" Harry asked in confusion as he looked at the pretty girl in front of him. "Aren't nymph's supposed to be the embodiments of nature's beauty?" His face scrunched up a moment. "And, um, as far as I can remember how your name translates… Nymph's gift? Or something like that? I dunno…" He paused a moment before looking over at an amused and Andromeda. "I mean, you and your mum both look like you've both 're at least that pretty."

Ted stared with an almost dropped jaw when both his daughter and wife colored at the boy's compliment, though his wife's was immediately amused a moment later, while his daughter… Well, she was staring at the boy, her mouth opening and shutting like a fish. Behind her, Sirius' chest swelled with pride as he got a glimmer of tears in his eyes.

"Oh, Harry my boy…!" Sirius sniffled softly, his eyes watering.

"What? I didn't say anything wrong did I?" The boy immediately shifted uncomfortably, his own face flushing in embarrassment. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean..!"

"Hush!" Andromeda cut him off and smiled at the boy as she strode over, then gently pulled the boy into a gentle hug for a moment. "What you said was very sweet, Harry. Thank you for the compliment."

The boy stiffened for a moment, not really sure of how to react to the woman's motion, before he awkwardly nodded his head, slow to relax at the touch. When she sent a questioning gaze to Sirius over the boy's shoulder, he merely mouthed the word 'Dursleys' back to her. Frowning to herself, she quickly gave the boy one more hug before pulling back.

"Um, Ok." Harry said hesitantly. "Just telling the truth, Mrs. Tonks."

"Just call me Auntie, or Rommie, Harry." The woman smiled back at the boy, before looking back towards her still flustered daughter. "Well now Harry, it seems you broke my daughter."

"I didn't mean to!" The boy immediately protested, before he noticed how the girl's hair and eyes were continually cycling through a rainbow of colors. "Merlin, does she have some kinda charm on for that neat trick?"

"Just a talent she has," Sirius spoke up, before leaning down, to whisper into Harry's ear. "But, if you want to wake little Nymmie up, all you have to do is…"

Whatever else Sirius said was lost to the other's ears, but the boy immediately blushed bright red and smacked his godfather lightly. "BAD Sirius! No way I'm gonna do that!"

That seemed to bring the elder teen out of her daze as she looked curiously down at Harry, still blushing slightly. "Wha…? What did he want you to do?"

Harry made a beckoning gesture, and when the girl dipped down, he whispered the answer into the girl's ear, causing her to blush as brightly as Harry himself was. Immediately she twirled around, wand in hand and pointed at the man. At least, it was supposed to be her wand.

"You need a new trick already, Sirius." Andromeda noted dryly before shaking her head at the long, pink, cylindrical object in her daughter's hand. "And stop corrupting your godson."

"But it's my favorite trick!" Sirius, laughed softly as he looked at his cousin. "And I'm not the one who brought her… Well… 'special friend' with her." He grinned happily at the look of horror that spread on the quickly reflushing girl's face while Ted coughed and visibly averted his eyes, hiding the embarrassed blush on his own face.

"'Special friend?'" Harry asked in complete confusion before he saw the amusement on Sirius and Andromeda's faces, as well as the embarrassment on Nymphadora and Ted's. "Never mind… I don't think I want to know."

"As you see, I have made far too little progress in corrupting my little Harry." Sirius grinned back at his cousin. "Though, he does certainly seem to be a little charmer anyway. What do you think, should we start the work on the marriage contract?"

Nymphadora stared incredulously at Sirius, before her eyes practically bugged out of her skull when she heard her mother's agreement. "Yes, my dear little Nymphadora has had such horrible luck with men… And her taste? If you weren't her cousin, well… I think she fancies the older gents more than a girl her age should. Having a fiancé would certainly settle her down I think."

"And, she'd have plenty of time to go through her Auror training while Harry's finishing up his schooling." Ted added, fighting down the grin that threatened to break out across his face.

"Perfect!" Sirius crowed lightly. "Harry needs someone to help keep him out of all the trouble he gets in!" He paused a moment, before looking at his second favorite cousin critically for a moment. "You're not going to run from He-Who-Smells-of-Unwashed-Socks possessed people and basilisks are you?"

"It was only one basilisk." Harry protested immediately, before blushing brightly from the Tonks' stares, before grumbling quieter. "And only two Voldemort possessed people."

"One 1,000 year old basilisk." Sirius pointed out, happily savoring the looks of stunned shock on his cousins' faces. "Which you slew with the sword of Gryffindor."

"So I stabbed a giant stake with a shiny metal stick, big deal." Harry grumbled softly before glaring at his godfather. "You're the one that turned Snape into a ballerina."

Immediately the eyes shifted away from the boy, and turned to an unrepentantly grinning Sirius, who happily added. "Yup! Complete with pink tutu!" Sirius grinned back at his godson. "Harry's been rescuing damsels in distress since his first year at Hogwarts!"

"Sirius offered up hallucinogens to Professor McGonagall."

"Damned straight! Dumbledore tried to take me up on the offer too! Harry, hum… Harry helped brew polyjuice potion and snuck into the Slytherin dorms!"

"I was trying to see if Malfoy knew who unleashed the basilisk! You're the one that turned a bunch of Aurors into playboy bunnies!"

"And made Amelia's wand into a carrot. You're the one that got your DADA teacher to oblivate himself!"

"He was using Ron's broken wand, and trying to oblivate us! You're the one that…"

"Wait, you turned a bunch of my future co-workers into playboy bunnies?" Nymphadora cut them off quickly, her eyes narrowing. "And turned my future boss' wand into a carrot?"

"Well he was gonna turn them into bunnies, but Mad-Eye or something threatened to bite his carrot off." Harry offered up, shrugging slightly with a little grin on his lips, his shoulders slumped in relief.

"Great, as if I didn't have a hard enough time as it is!" Nymphadora glared at her cousin, her fists on her hips. "No, you just had to go antagonizing em, didn't you?!"

"Hmm…" Sirius tapped his lower lip for a moment in consideration. "Well, considering as I was mainly trying to get it through their thick skulls that I wasn't going to go back to Azkaban, and they couldn't make me, yes." Then, with an evil grin, he snapped his fingers, and suddenly the metamorphamagus shrink, along with her clothes, as her body, and face youthened until she looked almost exactly the same age as Harry.

"OI!" Nymphadora blinked slightly as she looked down at her now flat chest. "Wot the hell did you do with my boobs?!"

"Language Nymphadora Tonks!"Andromeda chided as she looked down at her daughter, her nose scrunching slightly as her eyes twinkled in amusement. "They do make a cute couple though, don't they?"

"Whatever you're thinking, Mum, no way!" the Auror in training snapped as she glared up at her mother. "Especially not if you're planning on trying to send me back for 5 more years of Snape! Do you know how hard it was to get my Potions N.E.W.T.S. with him?!"

"Well, it would give time for people to calm back down and forget all about the mess Sirius caused..." Andromeda said speculatively, lightly tapping on her lower lip.

"Daaaaaaaad!!!" She was whining now, pleading with her eyes as she looked desperately up at her father.

"It would be nice to have my baby girl back home." Ted agreed smiling at his wife as he seemed to be ignoring his daughter's pleas.

"You!" Tonks suddenly raised her hand, stabbing a finger out at Sirius. "This is all YOUR fault!"

As Sirius merely grinned back at her, she blinked a bit as she felt an odd pressure on her wrist. Frowning at his merry reaction, she noticed a pink fuzz out of the corner of her eye, before her gaze immediately widened. On her wrist, was one half of a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs. Carefully, she followed her gaze to the other side of her arm, and noticed the cuffs were attached to another arm. Following it up, she blinked a moment, before blushing again at a distressed looking Harry.

"Errr... Hello again." The boy offered up as he then glanced towards their wrists, and then at Sirius, before looking back at her. "I'm starting to worry that they might not be joking. You?"

"The thought had crossed my mind," the girl admitted freely, eying the adults grinning at them with diabolical grins. "Think we have a chance at escape?"

"There's always a chance." Harry responded, nodding in confirmation. "Otherwise, I'd be dead, what... hmm... five times over I think?"

"You've been in situations where you should have died that many times?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, Voldemort, Mountain Troll, jinxed broom, Voldemort Redux, Whomping Willow, crazed house elf..."

"Crazed house elf?" Nymphadora cut him off, eying him oddly.

"They're more dangerous than they look." Harry responded with a solemn nod. "Now, lets see... where was I? Oh yeah, acromantulas, Lockheart, basilisk, Voldemort once more... Hm..." He paused again, lightly tapping his lower lip. "Oh, and Hermione's study schedule."

"You're including a study schedule in the same class as the rest of that?" she arched a brow up, even as her eyes stared back at him wide and disbelieving.

"You don't know Hermione," he countered evenly enough.

"Hermione?" Andromeda asked as her attention turned towards Sirius, a brow arched lightly.

"Harry's friend, think Lily's brilliance with Remus' worst habits." Sirius said with a sad look on his face. "All that potential, and no a mischievous bone in her body. Very, very sad."

"Ah, that's a shame." Andromeda nodded sadly. "I always rather enjoyed hearing how she got one up on you boys."

"And, I'm fairly certain Ms. Granger isn't a werewolf." Remus' voice sounded out in amusement. "Nor, do I believe she's a thief."

"I don't think those were the worst habits he was talking about." Andromeda noted dryly before she slipped over and hugged the threadbare man. "Good to see you, you old wolf."

"Lovely to be seen." He smiled in return as he hugged them back.

"Remus!" Harry spoke up, his eyes alive with hope. "Help!"

"Oh?" The man turned his attention over to the pair, and arched a brow lightly. "What seems to be the problem?" He paused a moment, his amber eyes glittering with mirth as he lightly tapped his finger against his lower lip. "You're at the age where you should start appreciating being handcuffed to a pretty girl Harry."

"Well, I'm at the age where I don't appreciate having my boobs vanished and shrunk down around 6 years younger!" Nymphadora countered, with a slight growl. "Can you do something about this?"

"Hmmm..." Remus, paused a moment, considering as he continued to lightly tap his finger against his lower lip. "You sure you want me to?"

"NO!" Harry immediately cried out with wide eyes.

"YES!" Unfortunately, Nymphadora's voice loudly overrode Harry's own.

"Okaaaay." Remus grinned back at the two, before making an off hand gesture towards them, and suddenly Harry was decked out in tastefully cut dress robes accented in red and gold, while Nymphadora was placed in a matching black dress trimmed in yellow. With an innocent smile, he produced a camera he handed to a suddenly eager eyed Andromeda. "Well, she did ask me to do something about it."

"Oooh!" Andromeda squealed happily as she took the camera, immediately pointing it at the still stunned pair and taking a number of quick shots. "They look so CUTE!"

"Wha... MOM!" Nymphadora blushed brightly before looking down at her self then glaring up at Remus. "This isn't what I meant!"

"Oh?" Remus looked a bit apologetic. "I'm sorry, you should have been more specific."

"Oooooh, you!" Nymphadora glared as she started to lunge towards the man, dragging Harry along for the ride, even as she suddenly tripped in her new acquired heels, and went sprawling.

As it so happened, Harry himself had been thrown off balance by the both the sudden lunge, and her trip still tried to reach out and steady her before she could fall too far. As it would happen, all he truly managed to do, was to shift their bodies around, so he landed on his back, her atop him. Or, to be more precise, her straddling him at the hips, her face inches from his own.

-FLASH-

And of course, the moment simply had to be captured for posterity. "Don't they look so cute, Ted?"

"All right, I think we've had enough fun at their expense." The large man chuckled just a bit as he smiled down at his youthened daughter. "As amusing as it is... Please turn them back, Sirius."

Everyone's attention turned back towards the man in question, only to find him... frowning? His eyes distant, his voice could suddenly be heard muttering to someone they couldn't see. "But it was just a joke! What, are you trying to get me killed?"

Remus blinked a moment, then blinked again, before suddenly laughing out loud and looking down at Nymphadora, offering her a chuckling, but apologetic smile as she and Harry pulled themselves awkwardly to their feet. "Sorry, looks like you're stuck that way."

"WHAAAAAAT?!" Nymphadora

"Damned meddling mutt." Sirius grumbled slightly with a pout and a whine as he came out of his trance. "It was just supposed to be a little joke!"

Suddenly, a coyote appeared in the middle of the room, its mouth opened into a canine grin as it smiled up at Nymphadora, his eyes twinkling with delight and trickery. Twitching slightly, the girl glared at the canine. "This is your fault isn't it."

When the canine just inclined its head, the girl looked down at her now restored wand lifted it up, directing it towards the kitchen table instead of at the coyote. As a look of confusion appeared on the animal's face, Sirius' copy of the Daily Prophet flew, rolled up into Nymphadora's hand. Before the animal could figure out what was about to happen, it was reeling from the sudden and firm blow of the rolled up news paper on its snout.

"Bad Dog!" Nymphadora spoke up in a firm, hard tone, as she brought the newspaper down again. "You don't trap people 6 years younger than they are! Bad!" again she struck with the newspaper, striking onto the animal.

With a startled yelp, the animal started to run, only to be immediately find itself pursued by an irate teenaged girl, with a handcuffed Harry Potter along for the ride. "Get back here and face my Justice!"

"Well, she's certainly spirited." Remus noted dryly with a light little chuckle, before he glanced over at an amused looking Sirius. "So, what was that peyote hound thinking?"

"Bodyguard?" Sirius offered up slightly, shrugging just a bit as he seemed a bit too... hesitant for that to be everything.

"And?" Remus was looking at him now, his eyes firm and his words soft.

"She's being considered." Was all Sirius would say on the matter, before he turned his head to the side and looked away.

-Racing round the house-

"Get back here!" Nymphadora was brandishing her newspaper like a club, swinging at the desperately darting and jiving coyote at every chance she got. Unfortunately as she rounded a corner, the toe of her shoe caught on a loosened board, and again she went sprawling out. This time however, Harry wasn't able to divert the force of the fall to cushion her. In fact, once she landed, she felt him an instant later, his chest flopping down onto her back with a soft groan.

"Damned meddling mutt…" She groaned softly before shitting a bit, starting to push back up until she realized just the kind of position that would put her in. Blushing brightly at the contact, she looked up over her shoulder at an equally embarrassed Harry. "Um, Harry? Could you please… Get off?"

A loud barking laughter broke into the air as the coyote appeared, flopped down on its haunches as its eyes twinkled at the two of them in obvious humor. As she ran over her words in her mind, she immediately blushed even further and glared slightly at the canine. "Not like that! Ugh, you're worse than Sirius!"

The coyote inclined its head in agreement, watching in amusement as a brightly blushing Harry scrambled off of the girl, who shifted up then plopped down, glaring at the animal in front of her as she slid into sitting Indian style, her elbow on her knee as she caught her chin in her palm. "All right, make with the explanation already."

"Um… Nymphadora?" Harry spoke up, eying the girl warily. "You do realize you're talking to a dog, right?"

"It's not a dog." She corrected, still glaring at the animal. "It's a bloody coyote. THE Coyote to be precise."

"Oh, as in Sirius' Coyote?" he asked as he settled in, sitting next to her as he lightly glared at the cuffs on their wrists, before looking at the animal. "Could you get rid of this, please?"

The animal in question chuffed indignantly as it lifted its head, snorting haughtily as it looked down at the boy. The rainbow haired girl couldn't help bug giggle slightly at the display as she stage whispered to Harry. "I think it's more accurate to say he's Coyote's Sirius."

"Doesn't change me wanting to get out of these handcuffs," Harry complained slightly before sighing just a bit. "All right, seeing as how you're THAT Coyote, you can cut the act and start telling us why you're not letting Nym here go back to normal."

"Nym?" the girl in question arched a brow in regal approximation of the cool condescending looks she'd seen her Aunt Narcissa use on more than one occasion.

"Nym." He nodded sagely as he gave her a look. "Your name's too long for me to use all the time, you're pretty like a nymph's supposed to be, and no offense, but Dora sounds too boring to suit you."

"I generally just have people call me Tonks." The girl grumbled softly, glaring slightly at the boy.

"Yeah, well that would get really confusing, considering there are three of you here." Harry countered, before looking back at her challengingly. "So, you're Nym. Deal with it."

She glared back at the boy, reaching for her wand. "Do you want me to hex the living day lights out of you, Harry?"

In response, Harry rolled up his slave to reveal the still pink, and rather massive scar on his arm. "I just got bit by a basilisk a few months ago, you think I'm scared of a few hexes?"

The girl glared at him a moment longer, before deflating with a pout and sniffling lightly. "No fair! Ickle kids aren't supposed to be able to stare down Auror's in training."

"We're also not supposed to face Voldemort, trolls, acromantulas, and basilisks." Harry pointed out with a slight grin. "Just think of me as the exception to the rule." He paused a moment before turning over to look at the Coyote rolling on the floor in apparent laughter. "Ok, now, handcuffs and Nym back to normal now?"

"Heh, sorry kid." The voice was deep and melodious as it left the coyote's laughing mouth. "I'm overruled here. Titania and Oberon have plans for her."

As the girl paled and gulped audibly, Harry blinked a bit before he studied the animal in front of him. "The ones my parents were the chosen of?"

"Mhm, the very same." The animal agreed, before turning his head at the girl staring owlishly at him now. "You knew who I was."

"Well, kinda easy to figure out." She countered a bit, grumbling slightly as she eyed the scattered sheets of the newspaper. "You got lucky I tripped."

"Ha!" the animal barked loudly with laughter, its eyes twinkling in amusement. "I like you kid, you got spunk!" He grinned an almost evil canine grin at her as he lifted up off his haunches. "So, I'm not gonna make you spend the rest of the day as a little kitten for me to chase around."

She twitched lightly as she lightly glared at the animal in front of her. "Oh?"

"Nope!" The creature grinned even more at her. "Instead, I'm gonna do this!"

-Back with the adults a few moments later-

"I hope they're all right," Andromeda fretted lightly as she sat in her seat. "He won't hurt her, will he?"

"Coyote?" Sirius waved his hand dismissively with a laugh. "Nah, embarrass and possibly humiliate her, yeah, but he's generally pretty good about taking his licks when he knows he has em coming."

"Well, I think there are a few exceptions." Harry's voice spoke up dryly as he walked back into the room.

As the adults turned their head back to the boy, they call stared in shock as they beheld the glaring, and bright pink, coyote pup held in the boy's arms. A glittering, gaudy, pink, rhinestone studded collar dangling from its neck, with a leash running to a cuff on Harry's wrist. With scowling pink eyes, the animal lifted its head and barked angrily at Sirius, revealing the tag dangling from the collar that brightly proclaimed: "Nymphadora."

"Oh dear…" Andromeda stared at what she assumed was her daughter while Harry took a seat, settling the disgruntled puppy in his lap, while she struggled not to smile. "Is that really…?"

"Yup, it's really Nym," Harry affirmed, ignoring how the coyoted growled at him and started chewing at his sleeve in response. "She impressed him enough that he didn't do what he was originally planning on doing."

"Which was?" Ted didn't even bother to hide his amusement as he chuckled softly and reached down, petting his daughter's now canine head, before quickly pulling his hand back when she tried to nip at him. "And Nym?"

"A kitten he could chase around for the rest of the day." Harry affirmed with a slight grin as he reached up, and couldn't help but start to scratch behind the puppy's ears, instantly stilling its growling protests. "And yeah… Sorry, Dora seems a bit too boring of a nickname for her, and her full name's too long to use that often. I couldn't really call her Tonks, with two other Tonks here either, plus… I dunno, just doesn't seem to fit a pretty girl…"

"So I've noticed." Andromeda said dryly as she glanced over at her chuckling husband.

"And it really doesn't fit a beautiful woman." Harry continued, smiling happily at Andromeda. "So, I guess he had to be something really special for you to let yourself get stuck with that for a name."

The rest of the adults laughed in response as Ted glared lightly at the boy and grumbled softly. "It's a damned fine name."

"Whatever you say dear, whatever you say," Andromeda said soothingly as she lightly patted his hand. "I still love you, in spite of the horrendous last name you stuck my daughter and me with."

The pink pup barked a light laugh before closing its eyes with a yawn and curling up lightly in Harry's lap, shifting a bit so he was still in a prime position for scratching her ears. If she was gonna be stuck like this for the rest of the day, she might as well make the most of it after all.

"So, did the old mutt tell you how long she's going to be stuck like that?" Sirius spoke up, amusement dancing in his eyes as he looked at his now canine cousin.

"Nope, I'm mainly just guessing," Harry admitted with a slight shrug. "I imagine she'll end up turned back in a way that will leave us both in an embarrassing situation that will get us both laughed at."

"Oh? What makes you say that, pup?" Remus asked, his lips curled back in amusement as he watched the boy lightly petting the girl turned coyote.

"Living with Sirius the last couple of days."

"Ah, then most likely." Remus agreed with a soft chuckle. "Have any ideas of when that will be?"

"Several," Harry grinned back at the scarred man. "None of which I'm crazy enough to admit to. No way I'm giving you guys any extra ideas. The ones you get on your own are bad enough."

"Ah, how quickly he learns," Remus said in approval, smiling softly at the boy before turning towards Sirius. "So, was there anything in particular you wanted me here for, Padfoot?"

"Mhm," Sirius nodded quickly, his eyes glinting wickedly. "I need you to be there at my trial."

"Well, I was going to be there anyway." Remus drawled out. "Marauder solidarity and what not."

"Yes, but we just can't have you go dressed like that." Sirius made a slight tsking sound with his tongue as he gestured to the man's threadbare robes.

With a slow, sinking realization, the man's wide amber eyes turned over to a suddenly predatory looking Andromeda. "You can't mean…"

"You wouldn't want to make a bad impression at the trial, would you, Mooney?" Sirius smiled as innocently as he could back at the man in front of him. "Marauder solidarity, remember?"

"Padfoot, please… no, not that!" Remus was staring with wide, wild eyes. "Anything but that!"

"Anything but what?" Harry asked in confusion, staring at the fear that was practically rolling off Remus' frame while Sirius seemed to be on the verge of bursting into laughter. He frowned then, noticed the down right scare look of predatory anticipation on Andromeda's face, and the amused resignation on Ted's. "Why's… Rommie looking like she's a cat and Mooney's the mouse?"

"Because, my dearest cousin is going to take our dear friend Mooney…" Sirius paused, savoring the moment as he drew it out in almost sadistic anticipation. "Shopping."

"So?" Harry blinked in confusion, ignoring the looks of canine sympathy Nymphadora was throwing Remus from Harry's lap. "What's so bad about shopping?"

"It's not the shopping that's bad, kid." Ted spoke up, his lips twitching slightly. "It's that it's clothes shopping with my wife." He grinned even wider when she lightly smacked his arm, before flexing his arms slightly. "Still, I shouldn't complain too much… it does help me stay in shape."

"And you love it when we get to the lingerie department." Andromeda agreed with a sultry smile on her lips, causing Nymphadora to whine loudly before putting her paws over her ears.

"Well, of course." Ted admitted with a soft grin on his lips as he suddenly reached over, grabbing hold of his wife and pulling her onto his lap with her giggling protests. "Do you think I'd have half the free time I do if I didn't get SOMETHING out of it?"

Nymphadora whined again as she rolled over on Harry's lap, trying desperately to bury her head and block out the sounds of her parent's rather still quite healthy marriage. Slightly puzzled, the boy absently began to rub and stroke the coyote's stomach. "What's lingerie?"

The adults paused a moment, as they turned their attentions all firmly onto Harry, staring at the boy incredulously for a moment. Shifting slightly in discomfort, he quickly shrank back from the stares, unconsciously pulling the puppy in his lap closer up against his chest. "Sorry…"

"Nothing's wrong, Harry," Andromeda quickly assured him as she slipped off her husband's lap and slipped over to the boy. "We're just surprised is all. Most people know what the word means by your age."

"Oh…" Harry paused a moment, before looking up at the woman. "What's it mean then?"

As the woman opened her mouth to explain, a light blush on her cheeks, Sirius quickly spoke up. "Have Nymmie explain it to you once she turns back."

The puppy in question gave a bark of protest as she glared at Sirius, growling lightly in her cousin's direction. Seeing the reaction, Andromeda immediately looked down at her daughter turned coyote in disapproval. "Now Nymphadora, no need to take that kind of tone!"

Whining softly in protest, the girl immediately unleashed wide, glistening pink coyote puppy dog eyes on her mother. The mother that merely gave her a look in response, arms crossed about her chest. "That won't work on me, little missy! You immunized me against it years ago."

Huffing slightly, Nymphadora plopped her head back down onto Harry's lap and nudged her head under his hand as he reflexively started to scratch behind her ears once more. Smirking in victory, Andromeda leaned down and murmured at Harry's ear. "Try just above her tail."

Blinking in confusion, the boy hesitantly reached down, then began to scratch the spot Andromeda had indicated. The puppy froze for a moment, before she just seemed to melt into Harry's lap. As the canine panted contentedly, her mother nodded in smug satisfaction. "Ha! Like mother like daughter."

"So, um… what's the big deal about clothes shopping?" Harry asked, quickly trying to change the subject as he looked at the adults.

"Harry, my boy, clothes shopping is the most dreaded of tasks womankind inflicts upon us men." Sirius responded with a sage nod.

"He doesn't seem to mind it," Harry responded as he pointed to Ted.

"Ted's nutters." Sirius waved away the boy's point. "He was crazy enough to marry Rommie after all."

"I thought she was your favorite cousin?" The boy blinked in confusion as he watched Sirius ignore Andromeda's glare with a happy smile.

"She is," Sirius agreed with a broad smile. "But, it doesn't change the fact that she's completely mad. Especially when it comes to clothes shopping. I barely survived when Mooney tricked me into letting her help me pick out what to wear for your parents' wedding."

"That's what this is about? Revenge?" Remus grumbled slightly, half glaring at his friend. "That was over a decade ago!"

"Well, he was in Azkaban for over a decade." Ted pointed out with a mild, reasonable tone. "So, he didn't really have a chance to get revenge himself properly."

"But…"

"And, seriously, Remus!" Andromeda continued. "Have you looked at yourself? You're going to be teaching at Hogwarts! You simply cannot go in those dreadful rags!"

"I could always just knick something…" Remus shrugged slightly as he looked the glare Andromeda was sending at him, his smile wavering slightly. "What? Thievery IS one of Hermes domains, remember?"

"You're going shopping with me, and that's final!" Andromeda responded forcefully, before she reared around and pointed a finger at Sirius. "And you're joining him!"

"What?! Hey, leave me out of this!" Sirius immediately protested as he violently shook his head. "I'm quite happy with…"

"You're going." Andromeda said firmly, hands on her hips as she glared at her cousin. "You need some new dress robes for your court appearance as well."

"But…!"

"Can I come too?" Harry asked, looking up from where he continued to scratch and stroke the Nymphadora coyote.

Remus and Sirius both stared at the boy with a look of shared horror in their eyes when they saw the way Andromeda's eyes lit up. "Why of course, Harry! When was the last time you were taken clothes shopping?"

"Harry, no!" Sirius spoke up, quickly getting up, flying to his knees in front of his godson. "For the love of all things manly, don't do this to yourself!"

"Stop that." Andromeda smacked the back of her cousin's head and smiled again at Harry. "Well?"

"Um, Does Madame Malkin's for school robes count?" the boy asked hesitantly as he didn't quite meet his godfather's eyes.

"Yes!" Sirius almost shouted quickly.

"I wasn't asking you." Harry quickly shot back at his godfather, frowning slightly.

"No, Harry, it doesn't." Andromeda responded with an approving smile on her lips.

"Then, um… never?" Harry hung his head quietly as he looked down at his feet. "The Dursleys always just gave me the clothes Dudley had outgrown."

"But that boy's a whale!" Sirius immediately protested before eying Harry more carefully. "Well, I suppose that would explain the dreadful condition of your clothes."

"The only new clothes you've ever had have been your school robes?!" Andromeda was completely aghast, and even Nymphadora gave off a soft whine of disbelief, before yipping lightly when she was almost crushed by the hug her mother gave Harry.

"Dammit." Sirius slumped his shoulders in defeat. "I can't even be upset with him, can I?"

"Language, Sirius." Andromeda chided absently as she gave her cousin a look.

"You're also overlooking the more obvious problem." Remus quickly pointed out to his friend, a frown on his own lips. "Now, we have absolutely no way at all of worming our way out of this."

"We're doomed, aren't we?" Sirius moaned softly as he looked at his friend sadly.

"Well, there is a bright side to this." Remus pointed out with a slight smirk on his lips.

"And that would be…?" the grey-eyed man arched a brow curiously.

"If little Nymmie is actually stuck like this, she's going to need a whole new wardrobe too." Remus noted with a completely straight face.

The coyote in question's eyes immediately grew wide, and she whined loudly in protest, quickly shaking her head as Andromeda's eyes light up enthusiastically. "That's right! Oh, isn't that wonderful Nymphadora!? We get to go shopping again!"

Nymphadora cast Remus a cold, angry glare that promised a lengthy and bloody retribution upon the man. The werewolf merely shrugged unapologetically back at her with a grin and a wink. He knew he was already doomed, but he sure as hell was going to take as many of them down with him as he could.

Sirius simply groaned softly and began to bang his head against his table.

Ted, sat back, and smiled with a look of knowing amusement in his eyes. "Bah, bachelors. A buncha wimps, all of you."

"Harry, why don't you go play with Nymphadora and let the adults talk?" Andromeda offered with a smile.

"All right, but what're Sirius and Remus going to do then?" Harry asked, curiously as he glanced at the two friends of his parents.

Andromeda paused a moment, ignoring the half indignant, half amused look from her daughter turned coyote, as she lightly tapped her lower lip. "Hmm, you have a point… Why don't you two go play while I have a word with my husband and the two maniacs?"

"Ah, that works." Harry nodded his head knowingly as he set Nymphadora down on the floor. "Come on Nym, I'm sure we can figure out something to do."

Grumbling to herself about the sudden lack of cuddly warmth in soft grunting growls, the coyote nodded and trotted after the boy, only stumbling every now and again in the process.

An hour later Sirius discovered the pair sitting at a poker table with Hedwig and Coyote, in the middle of the biggest pot of the game. Blinking slightly, he stared at the animals and his godson, before quietly sitting down behind his godson and looking at the boy's hand. "How're you doing?"

"Eh, not too bad." Harry admitted, never taking his eyes off Hedwig. "I'm pretty sure Hedwig's been cheating every other hand, and Coyote's not much better."

"Prek!" Hedwig grunted indignantly as she glared up at him from behind her cards.

"And Nymmie?" Sirius looked across the table, studying his transformed cousin, her tongue sticking out of the tip of her muzzle.

"She has a lousy poker face." Harry responded seriously as he pushed in a series of chips. "I raise."

Hedwig studied her human for a moment, noting the complete and utter lack of expression showing on his face and clicked her beak in annoyance. Why did humans have to be so damned hard to read? They all looked too bloody alike! Sighing in defeat, she folded her cards and ducked her head under her wing with a huff of distain.

"Sirius." Coyote spoke up, as he kept his eyes firmly on his cards. "When did you teach this kid how to play cards?"

"I didn't." Sirius noted casually, grinning back at his benefactor. "It was on my list of things to do before he went back to Hogwarts."

"Kid's a damned card shark he is." Coyote grumbled as he threw in his own cards. "I fold."

"Just you and me now, Nym." Harry locked his eyes with the pink coyote, his eyes revealing nothing. "What's it gonna be?"

The pink little tongue exited just a hair further and Harry struggled not to crow in triumph as she pushed in a call. Grinning back at her like a shark, he lay out his cards in front of her, Full House, Kings over Queens. Whimpering softly Nymphadora lay down her own cards, a pair of one eyed Jacks.

"Come to Harry, my pretties!" Harry cackled softly as he pulled in the massive pile of chips, before grinning back at the three animals, his eyes suddenly innocent all over again. "Another hand?"

Hedwig stared at her boy in disgust, before chuffing loudly and noisily flapping away. Coyote, grumbled again and glared at the boy. Nymphadora just stared at her practically non-existent pile of chips and whined softly with a pathetic whimper.

"What'd you win?" Sirius asked curiously as he looked at the massive stacks of chips Harry was happily hoarding.

"Nym's next seven paychecks." Harry said with a cheeky grin, before frowning slightly. "I'm not sure where Hedwig got the money…"

The bird made a rude noise from sounded suspiciously like 'None of your damned business.' While Harry gave an aside to his godfather. "I think she's got a side business smuggling contraband into Hogwarts."

"Never mind where Hedwig got the money…" Sirius cut the boy off. "Where did YOU get the money?"

"Mmm?" Harry lightly tapped his lower lip. "Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Zabini, Neville, though I stopped letting him play after the third week, a variety of various other sucker- errr… students at Hogwarts…"

Sirius stared at the boy for a moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. "You've been card sharking your way through Hogwarts?"

"Why do you think Malfoy hates me so much?" Harry stared at his godfather. "He's into me for quite the hefty sum."

"How much?" Sirius asked curiously as he leaned in, and listened to the sum Harry whispered into his ear before his eyes bugged out. "But… but… That's most of the Malfoy fortune!"

"He's a very, very bad poker player." Harry shrugged a bit as he lightly shuffled the deck. "Even worse than Nym here."

The pink coyote in question stuck her tongue out at Harry before she hopped up onto the table, and made her way over into his lap. The boy immediately began to scratch against the coyote pup once more as he grinned up at his godfather. Shaking his head again, he chuckled a bit as he smiled up at his godfather.

"He's a little card shark he is." Coyote muttered loudly as he sighed and slumped down. "Raven's never gonna let me hear the end of this."

"Never bet what you're not prepared to lose!" Harry said cheerfully as he kept up the soft scratching motions on the coyote. "Not having any pride to lose helps too."

"Cheeky brat." The animal grumbled loudly as he sighed. "Same time next week?"

"Sure." The boy agreed with a nod. "Any other players that I should be utterly terrified of incurring the wrath of that you could bring?"

"You kidding, kid?" Coyote stared back at the boy before shaking his head. "Do you have any idea how much whining I'd have to listen to if I did?"

"Harry… I'm confused." Sirius stated carefully.

"Really?" Harry blinked a moment and looked up at his godfather. "If you're Confused, can I be Sirius?"

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, before it snapped shut with an audible click and he just stared at his godson for a long moment. "Harry… Where did you learn to play cards like that?"

"Dudley used to take my lunch money at school." Harry shrugged a bit. "I needed a way to earn it back."

"All right, but you're going to have to give Nymmie her money back." Sirius said seriously as he looked down at his godson.

Wordlessly the boy produced a piece of parchment and handed it up to his godfather. His eyebrows raising up in curiosity, the man picked it out of Harry's hands and began to read over it. Almost immediately his eyes began to widen, getting bigger and bigger the further and further he went down it, until he noticed the two paw prings, the claw print and Harry signed on the bottom.

"You have a magical contract for enforcing poker debts?!" Sirius stared incredulously at the boy.

"I play poker with Malfoy and his cronies." Harry said flatly, his arms crossing as Nym whined softly at the sudden lack of scratching. "It's standard procedure."

"Oi…" Sirius hung his head and sighed. "Come one… But you two are gonna be the ones to explain this to Rommie."

Nym immediately covered her face in her paws and whined slightly once more, even as she felt Harry pick her up and carry her in his arms. Sirius shook his head and sighed slightly as he rolled up the parchment and carried it in his hand. At the poker table, Coyote sat back on his haunches and grinned at Hedwig. "He's more perceptive than people give him credit for, isn't he."

Hedwig just glared back at the canine, before ducking her head under her wing and hoping to forget all about the shame of losing so much to a human of all things. The girls at the owlery were never going to let her live this down.

-Back with the others-

"So, let me get this straight." Andromeda looked up from the contract to fix her transformed daughter with a pointed look. "You went and bet your next seven pay checks against a 13 year old boy, his owl, and a coyote."

At Nym's nod, her mother took a slow deep breath, before continuing, "And this was after signing a magical contract to enforce and legalize your wagers?"

Again the nod and a look of shame entered into her down cast eyes.

"Then, you proceed to lose spectacularly in a final hand, betting on a pair of JACKS?!" Ted finished, glaring at his daughter with his arms crossed about his chest. "Have you forgotten EVERYTHING I taught you, Dora?"

The pink Coyote whined softly as she struggled to hide underneath Harry's shirt.

"Hey that tickles!" Harry giggled slightly as he reached down and pulled the little coyote pup out of his shirt. "Bad Nym!" He paused a moment, before confiding loudly to Ted. "And she has an absolutely horrible poker face. Reads like the Prophet."

Nym looked at Harry with betrayal written in her eyes, prompting the boy's immediate protest. "Hey, don't look at me like that! You're the one who let everyone know how good your hand was by how far your tongue stuck out!"

"Harry, you really shouldn't have taken advantage of Nymmie like that." Sirius chided lightly. "It's not nice to take advantage of family, especially a prospective fiancé."

"So, I shouldn't call in Malfoy's debts?" Harry asked with slight confusion written on his face.

"Debts?" Andromeda immediately perked up, her eyes latching onto the boy in front of her. "What debts and to which Malfoy?"

Harry pulled out a piece of parchment from somewhere as he handed it over to Andromeda. Her eyes widened in absolute shock as she looked it over, disbelief written in her eyes before wordlessly she handed it over to Remus. When the werewolf's jaw dropped at the contents of the page, he handed to Ted next.

Frowning slightly, the muggleborn wizard looked over the parchment , before whistling loudly. "Damn, that kid must be a really lousy poker player… But this can't be enforceable, can it? The kid was what, 12 when he signed this?"

"It's completely legal," Remus stated in disbelief. "As soon as he was old enough to exercise his magic, he's considered old enough to enter into a magically binding contract. Only muggle-borns are excused until they're 17, as they aren't expected to know better."

"Yeah, I figured I'd hold onto that until Draco was old enough inherit, then bam!" Harry grinned up at his godfather, before frowning slightly. "Or, can I not do that now that he's technically family?"

"Harry, you don't understand." Andromeda spoke up, her eyes positively glinting with glee. "That contract is enforceable here and NOW… Since Draco is his heir, Lucius HAS to pay any debts he incurs."

"Oh." Harry paused a moment as he lightly scratched Nym behind the ears, before stroking his fingers down her back. "Then, can we stop at Gringotts before we go shopping?"

"Of course we can, Harry." Sirius responded, a down right evil grin on his lips. "That'd be grand."

"Excellent," Harry agreed as he lightly swirled about on his chair, and began to cackle wickedly as he stroked his fluffy pink coyote. "Soon, Mr. Malfoy, revenge will be mine!"

"Ok, no more James Bond movies for that kid." Ted chuckled softly as he watched Remus and Sirius stare at the boy with wide, fearful eyes. "Especially not if they involve Blofeld."

"Awwww…" Harry pouted softly as he swirled back around. "But I've finally got the fluffy pet to pull off my Blofeld impersonation with!"

"The more I get to know little Harry, the more I'm starting to wonder who will be the bad influence and who will be the good influence." Andromeda sighed slightly before she noticed the yawn Harry and Nymphadora pulled off in unison. "You two still attached?"

Wordlessly Harry lifted up his wrist to show the leash cuffed there. Nodding, Andromeda ruffled his hair and smiled. "Why don't you go and get changed then go to bed? Nymphadora can sleep with you."

"All right," Harry yawned again before picking up the pink coyote. "Night."

As she watched the pair trudge off to Harry's bedroom, Andromeda shook her head as her husband twitched a bit. "You just gave that boy permission to sleep with our daughter, didn't you."

"She's a coyote, magically leashed to his wrist, you'd rather she sleep on the floor?" Andromeda countered challengingly.

"Well, no…"

"Then relax, what's the worst that could happen?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances for a moment, before sharing a secret, evil grin as they went to make certain they had plenty of film stored for their cameras.

-The Next Morning-

Nymphadora Tonks grumbled slightly as she slowly roused herself from her slumber, feeling remarkably warmer than she usually did when she first awoke. Not the uncomfortable stuffiness of heat she usually associated with summer months, but a delightfully relaxing warmth she immediately curled into. As she did, a slow filter of memories made their way into her now conscious mind.

Without opening her eyes, she stretched out and happily noted that she was no longer stuck in the small, pink furred body of a coyote. In fact, she didn't feel a single bit of fur along her very human body. Then, another observation managed to make its way through her mind. Her very human, very naked body, pressed up against another, thankfully pajama clad body.

Slowly cracking her eye open, she observed Harry's own, emerald orbs staring up at her, frozen in fearful shock. Blinking a moment, she sighed slightly before glancing down hopefully at her own body. Damn, still 13. Grumbling a bit she looked back up at Harry and simply shrugged. "Well, I wish I could say I'm surprised but…"

"At least we're not handcuffed anymore, right?" Harry offered weakly as he blushed brightly and refused to look anywhere other than her face.

"There is that." She agreed before pushing her face down against his shoulder. "So, how many cameras are pointed at us?"

"Ummm…" Harry paused a moment, looking over her shoulder to see his godfather and Remus pointing cameras at them with wicked grins on their faces. "Two. How'd you know?"

"Because it's Sirius." Was all she'd say as she pulled the sheet's more tightly around then grumbled a bit. "Wake me when they finish."

And with that, the flashing clicking whirs of the cameras filled the room.

AN: This came out… Rather odd. I'm not sure how this happened, but it still did. I started out originally with a very lack luster scene with the twins, that I quickly scrapped and replaced with Sirius and Harry blossoming into the scene with the Tonks.

As that played out, ideas just seemed to find their way of manifesting. First the ARed Nymphadora, then her becoming the little pink coyote, which led to the poker scene. I started that with the old dogs playing poker painting stuck in my head and well… heh.

I think I'll definitely have to be bringing back smuggler Hedwig in the future. I mean, Hagrid of all people got Hedwig for Harry… There's got to be SOMETHING dangerous about her ^_~


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Featherfall

Disclaimer: Still look horrible in a frock, so thankfully, its all JK Rowlings, Harry Potter wise at least.

Author's Notes: I tried writing on bondage style before I started this, I really did... but the funny just wouldn't come, where as here... I was just getting so many funny ideas that I couldn't help it.

-The morning of the shopping trip-

A slow mournful dirge signaled Harry's procession into the kitchen, the air thick with the soulful tones while Nymphadora stifled the laugh that threatened to ripple past her lips. Sirius, Remus, and oddly enough Coyote all stood there, dressed in their most somber black, heads bowed as a confused Harry walked by. Somber blacks, with black fedoras and black sun glasses.

"Um, Nym?" Harry shifted nervously as he took his seat, "What's with them?"

"We're here, to mourn the loss of yet another piece of Harry's innocence." Sirius intoned solemnly as his eyes remained hidden behind his thick black shades. "For soon he shall be sent forth, onto the very maw of hell itself, as a poor, virgin..."

Remus interupted him then as he looked over at Nymphadora. "Or is there something you two should tell us about what you did last night?"

The girl blushed brightly, but shook her head furiously, glaring at the man as Sirius continued. "As I was saying, as a poor, virgin sacra-"

"Hey, are you saying there's something wrong with me?" Harry huffed lightly, giving Nymphadora a look.

"Wha-..!? Harry, there's NOTHING wrong with you!" Nymphadora quickly protested shaking her pink hair quickly from side to side. "I think you're... that is to say any girl would be... Oh, sweet Merlin." The girl hung her face in her hands, as her whole body seemed to turn a bright crimson.

"Well, if you'd like to adjorn to the bedroom, we can pick this up again in a few hours." Coyote interjected with a wide canine grin.

Nymphadora only groaned in response, before looking up and glaring at the three. "I know men are supposed to be dogs, but you three..."

"Yes?" Sirius looked up brightly before suddenly popping into Padfoot, tongue rolling out of his mouth.

"Wolf, thank you very much." Remus corrected for himself as he smirked back at the girl before he was suddenly just that, sitting on his haunches.

"Coyote," the remainder of the three noted casually, before grinning back at her as all three canines grinned eager grins back at her.

"Can we get on with it already?" Harry grumbled a bit as he unconsciously scooted over closer to Nymphadora, and his fingers found there way to the base of her spine.

The girl stiffened a moment, before collapsing back bonelessly with a soft groan of appreciation, her tongue lightly lolling out the corner of her mouth.

Sirius reverted back to his normal form, and snickered at the sight in front of him. "Well, as amusing as this is... Where was I?"

"Virgin sacrifice." A reverted Remus reminisced.

"Onto the maw of Hell." Coyote casually clarified.

"Ah of course." Sirius sagely saluted before resuming his soliloquy. "Onto the very maw of Hell itself as a virgin sacrifice. Offered up, to the waiting talons of the beast, where what remaining shreds of sweet childhood remain, will be..."

"Ya know, I'm not THAT bad." Andromeda noted as she appeared, interrupting Sirius's remaining levity, before making note of the way Harry had reduced her daughter to practically a puddle of contentment. "And are you sure he's still a virgin?"

With Nymphadora blissfully unaware, it was Harry's turn to blush brightly, his hand snatched away from her soft flesh as he quickly ducked his head, before squeaking out. "Yes ma'am, quite sure."

Chuckling softly as she watched her daughter start back to attention, she winked at the boy, before she spoke up so everyone could hear. "Keep doing that to my daughter, and you probably won't be for long."

"You know, there are somethings, a father really, really shouldn't hear." Ted grumbled as he showed up behind his wife, giving her a mild glare that shifted occasionally to Harry and his daughter. "EVER."

"Yes dear." Andromeda patted him on the back while winking at the kids, before looking over at the coyote, his man child, and the amused looking werewolf. "If you're going dressed like that, we'll have to spend some extra time getting you something more respectable to wear for the rest of the trip..."

Instantly both men paled and in a flash and twin cracks, vanished from sight. Coyote himself shrugged slightly before grinning up at Andromeda with his best 'I'm just a cute, harmless little puppy' grin. She merely glared back at him. "And you... if you're coming, you get a collar and a leash."

Immediately looking affronted, the coyote sniffed daintily in the air and fixed her with a look. Smiling back at the coyote in her best, sweetest smile. "Why, I can think of just the CUTEST little robe set to put you in! The purple would go..."

With a horrified pop, Coyote vanished himself with his tail between his legs, valiantly, bravely even restraining the whimper of fear she invoked in his core. Smiling in satisfaction, Andromeda lightly dusted off her hands. "That takes care of that."

"Your mum's a little scary." Harry noted as he whispered to Nymphadora.

Looking incredulously back at the boy, Nymphadora muttered lightly under her breath, "Just a little?"

"Well, yeah," Harry admitted with a slight shrug. "She didn't threaten to take him to the groomers, get his fur lengthened and permed before being done up in ribbons before being dressed in those purple robes."

While the rest of the individuals stared at the boy, Harry shrugged slightly and smiled just a bit. "It's amazing what people will let slip during poker."

"EVIL!" Coyote's voice echoed in absolute horror through out the kitchen.

"You still owe me money." Harry responded flatly to the empty air before smiling happily to the staring group of adults. "What?"

"Remind me to never play cards with you, Harry." Andromeda chuckled softly while her daughter blushed brightly and hung her head. What neither woman noticed, was the speculative gleam in Ted's eyes as he studied the boy. His hands idly twitching in anticipation.

"I'm not THAT bad." Harry grumbled quietly as he crossed his arms about his chest and pouted lightly. "And it's not like I'm forcing Nym into slavery to pay off her debts her anything."

"Who knows, she might enjoy it." Andromeda mentioned innocently again as she savored the way the other four squirmed uncomfortably in reaction.

"Rommie..." Ted growled slightly into her ear, sending a slow shiver down her spine. "Behave."

"Awww..." The woman pouted slightly at her husband, before laughing just a bit as she grinned at him, suddenly pressing up against his chest. "Or else, what hmmm?"

"Oi, get a room!" Nymphadora interrupted, whining softly. "It's bad enough when my mother teases me about my sex life! I don't need to watch my parents and their foreplay!"

"Now, Nymphadora." Andromeda chided lightly, never once taking her dark eyes away from her husband. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman knowing what she wants... and how to get it."

"Ugh." The girl in question clenched her eyes tightly together before glancing over at Harry. "Help me out here, Harry!"

The boy shrugged slightly as he would lightly level the girl with a look, "Have you seen what my Aunt and Uncle look like?"

"Err, no, so?" There was obvious confusion written in those swirling eyes as she looked back at him.

"Until you've seen them, being..." A visible shudder ran through Harry's body as he made a slight retching sound. "Romantic... you've got nothing to complain about. Watching your parents, is kinda nice in comparison."

"I'll take your word on it." The girl paled slightly but gave a reluctant nod of her head, before shifting and laying herself across a suddenly blushing Harry's lap. "In the mean time... rub my tummy?"

"I think you spent too much time as a coyote." Harry grumbled slightly, but none the less began to rub against the girl's stomach.

"Meh, it was kinda nice." The girl responded as she closed her eyes contentedly. "And you give good scratchings and rubbings."

Ted sighed slightly and pinched the bridge of his nose as he lightly glared down at his wife who shrugged and smiled innocently back at him. "Like mother, like daughter."

"You know what they say about us men, Ted!" Sirius' voice casually slipped out as he appeared once more in his bare footed glory. "Their daughters..."

"Yes, yes." Ted grumbled slightly as he glared back at his wife's grinning cousin. "I don't need you to remind me."

"I'm just saying..." Sirius laughed off the glare that the man continued to level at him. "So, we ready to go?"

"Well, there is the matter of Remus, and finding it in me to ruin that picture." Andromeda responded as he gestured towards where Harry was rubbing Nymphadora's stomach.

"Ooooh, more pictures!" Sirius grinned wickedly before he gestured, cameras appearing and capturing the scene at the kitchen table for posterity.

"Are you going to do that EVERYTIME they do something you think is cute?" Ted asked with a slight tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Hey, I've got over a decade worth of cute and embarrassing moments I missed out on!" Sirius protested. "I need to stock up!"

Harry sighed slightly before lightly stilling his hand. "Time to get up, Nym."

"Aww..." The girl grumbled slightly before nodding reluctantly as she arched up, unconsciously nuzzling into Harry's hand when he lightly petted her atop her head head. "Fine, fine..." She snatched a piece of toast off the table and a handful of bacon as she chowed down.

Harry himself quickly ate a little bit of eggs and toast, before he quietly walked over to the adults, letting Nymphadora eat away. In a quiet voice that the pink haired girl couldn't hear, Harry addressed them with guarded emerald eyes. "You need to stop."

"Stop what?" Sirius blinked in confusion as he would stare down at his godson.

"Teasing Nym and having fun trying to push us together." Harry gave him a look before shaking his head slightly. "She's too brilliant, and I'm just a kid in her eyes, remember? I really like her, and I don't like you guys making her so uncomfortable."

Turning around before they could respond, he marched back to the table and sat down to the bright haired girl immediately forcing him to eat a much larger share of breakfast, ignoring his feeble protests.

Andromeda studied the boy for a moment, before sighing slightly and giving a gentle pout. "Well, that went and ruined all the fun of teasing them."

"I sometimes seem to forget how hard his life's been." Sirius grumbled slightly as he shifted his bare feet around on the kitchen floor. "Then he goes and just about punches me in the gut with the realization."

"What do you mean, Sirius?" Ted spoke up quietly, watching the way his daughter interacted with the boy out of the corner of his eye as Harry made a face, but reluctantly gave into the girl's demands of eating more.

"He's somewhat... Starved for tactile attention." Coyote spoke up as he materialized in the middle of the group. "He's not used to being touched, held, or touching people. What he's done with Nymphadora is the most contact he's had with a person in such a short duration."

Realization lit up in Sirius' eyes, but he chose to stay silent as the group watched the Coyote with a look of uncertain worry and apprehension in their eyes, before Andromeda chose to spoke up. "But… Merlin, that's the most? Was he…?"

"The most since his parents died." Coyote corrected, before glancing meaningfully at Sirius. "Part of the reason he was… removed from his previous living arrangements."

"You do realize how he's crushing on my daughter now, yes?" Ted spoke up, his eyebrow rising slightly.

"That was the idea." Coyote admitted with a grin and a twinkle of his eyes. "But, have a little faith in the boy. The only thing that will happen, will be what Nymphadora lets."

The adults turned their attention back over to the group, and watched while the pair of apparent children teased each other lightly back and forth, while the pink haired girl firmly insisted that Harry get plenty to eat.

-Later-

"It's calmer than I'm used to around here." Harry noted as he walked next to the practically bouncing Nymphadora, blinking slightly as he couldn't help but chuckle. "Merlin, Nym, do we need to lock up the sugar when you're around?"

"What can I say?" She grinned back at him as her hair danced through colors. "I never was one for sitting still for too long. Probably why I do so horrible in stealth training."

"That and you're dead clumsy." Harry noted with a teasing grin.

"That too," she admitted with a slight grin. "So, I guess you've only ever been here just before school when all the students are shopping with their parents?"

"Pretty much," he agreed with a nod, before pausing slightly as they passed the pet store. "Hmm… should I pick up a flea collar for you?"

"Hah. Hah." She glared mildly back at him before sniffing primly. "I'll have you know I don't have fleas, thank you very much!"

"Are you up to date on your shots then?" Harry shot back with a grin. "Wouldn't want to get in trouble for having a pet that wasn't proper."

"I got turned into a pink coyote, Harry." The girl said flatly as she gave him a look. "That's not exactly anywhere in the Quidditch field of normal."

"True, but you were a cute pink coyote." He countered with an amused grin as she blushed brightly. "And you made the most adorable little sound when…"

"Finish that sentence, and I'll hex you into next week, Potter." She growled slightly, brandishing her wand in his direction.

"Threatening the poor, defenseless Boy-who-lived?!" Harry stared back at the girl, his wide eyes trembling slightly. "You… you wouldn't hurt me, would you, Nym?"

"Merlin!" The girl twitched slightly as she stared back at the boy. "I know you're completely full of it, but damned if you aren't good at that."

"Eh." He shrugged slightly as he resumed his normal appearance. "When you have relatives that hate you as much as mine do, it pays to have a really, REALLY good pout."

"For some reason, I don't see that working on Aunt Bellatrix." Nymphadora noted with a dry drawl.

"Well, depends on if she's Bella or Trixie." Sirius interrupted with a sweeping little grin as he appeared next to the two. "Bella would try to curse you in the most painful way possible. Trixie would probably squeal slightly and think you're the cutest thing ever."

"You're talking about her like she's two different people, Sirius." Harry pointed out with a slight frown on his lips.

"She is." Sirius, Andromeda and Ted all chimed at once, causing Nymphadora and Harry to blink at them in surprise.

"The problem being, Bella beat Trixie down into the back of their mind." Sirius noted casually with a sad little sigh. "What's left, is… well.. I'm sure Nymmie here remembers seeing the pictures of when Bella was hauled off."

"It could have been worse." Remus noted with a slight curl of his lips as he spoke confidentially to the two. "She looked far worse after what Sirius did to her at her wedding."

"I was merely voicing my protest at such a wonderful cousin of mine being married off to a piece of muck." Sirius sniffed disdainfully.

"Thus, why I married Ted instead of following through with any of our parent's plans." Andromeda noted wryly as they walked up the steps and into Gringotts. "Sirius'… protests are near legendary in pure blood circles."

"There was a universal sigh of relief when he was thrown into Azkaban." Remus added with a wink. "Once they realized it meant they wouldn't have to deal with them anymore."

"I especially liked when Luci turned into an ass right after kissing Cissy." Andromeda noted fondly before grinning at the group. "I still keep a copy of that memory for when I need an extra bit of cheering up."

"You turned Draco's dad into an ass?" Harry said incredulously, before turning over to Andromeda. "Is there anyway I can see that memory?" The hopeful look in his eyes shone with an eagerness in them.

"My, my… Well, isn't this just… the reunion." A cold, aloof voice lofted through the air as instantly everyone save Remus stiffened in recognition.

"Mr. Malfoy." Harry noted, before suddenly grinning slightly. "Been having any more trouble with socks?"

Lucius immediately stiffened, his hand tightening on his cane as he glared down at the cheeky boy in front of him. "Potter. I see you're still as… charming as ever."

"I think you'll find him all the more so, soon enough, Lucius." Andromeda spoke up coolly, as a rather, unsettling grin slipped across her lips.

"Now, dear, no need to bait your dear, beloved, brother-in-law." Ted said soothingly as he lightly patted his wife on the shoulder, as he pointedly looked down at Lucius with a decidedly predatory smile. "Hello again, Lucius."

His eye twitching slightly, Lucius ignored the looming man to focus on Andromeda. "And what brings you and your little group of blood traitors and mud-"

"Now, Lucius." Sirius suddenly interrupted as he slipped into view directly in front of the Tonks, his grey eyes dancing with promise despite his mild tone. "Do you really want a repeat of the last time you uttered that particular word in my presence?"

"Black." The man practically hissed the words, his hand clenching even tighter on his cane. "I don't know how you got out…"

"Walked out." Sirius cut him off, casually making a sweeping gesture before smiling a sweet malicious smile at the man. "Even said good by to my cousin on the way." He noted, looking suddenly rather sad. "She's not doing too well I'm afraid, dementors and what not. From what I see, her friends are doing even worse. Terrible thing that, you know?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Lucius responded sourly before turning as if to go.

"Oh, don't go just yet, Brother-In-Law!" Andromeda said sweetly as she held up the parchment Harry had given her. "This does concern you as well."

"For some reason, I highly doubt it is anything I should concern myself with." The man sniffed disdainfully, while Harry sudden smiled a disturbingly amused smile.

"Sure about that, Mr. Malfoy?" Harry asked, before shrugging slightly and waving it off dismissively. "It IS his choice after all, Rommie." He gestured towards the goblins. "I take it you know who we need to see?"

"But off course, Harry." The woman agreed with an agreeing smile on her lips as she offered him her arm. "Shall we?"

"I'd be honored." Harry agree, taking her arm as he pointedly ignored the suddenly worried look on Lucius Malfoy's face.

"Cheeky little brat, isn't he?" Ted said in aside to Lucius. "Give him an inch, and he charms away your wife." Shaking his head and chuckling softly he turned to his daughter, and offered her his arm. "Well, shall we make sure your mother doesn't cause too much trouble, Dora?"

"Course dad!" The girl agreed as she took his arm, and practically skipped with him after her mother and Harry.

"Mooney?" Sirius eyed his werewolf friend speculatively.

"Sorry, Padfoot." Remus noted, shrugging just a bit and smiling blandly. "You're just not my type. You're too skinny." And with that, Remus wandered after the others, leaving Sirius standing there with Lucius.

"Hmm… ah well, one makes do with what one has." Sirius shrugged, and snapped his fingers, as suddenly Lucius experienced a sadly familiar sensation of wrongness.

"Blaaaaack!" the feminine growl that escaped the transformed Lucius' throat brought back many a fond memory to Sirius of the outraged anger he used to illicit from Narcissa, before he immediately forced his mind away from the most unpleasant direction it was taking.

"I was feeling nostalgic, what can I say, Luci?" Winking back at the now quite obviously female blonde, he offered her his arm. "Care to accompany me to find out just what my dear cousin is up to?"

"Words cannot express how much I utterly loathe you." She hissed back at him before stalking after Andromeda and the rest, after taking a moment to jerk her pants back up, and cast a quick resizing charm with an angry hiss.

"Any chance I can leave him like that?" Sirius asked to the empty air, before Coyote materialized next to him.

"Well, it would be interesting to see how Draco reacted to having, two mommies." Coyote noted with a slight smirk. "Or, hell, we could always make them one big, happy family…"

"You are evil." Sirius noted with a grin, before stroking his chin thoughtfully. "But… Oooh, now there's an idea…"

"I like it." Coyote agreed at the wordless idea passed between them, his muzzle curling back into an amused grin. "Classical irony."

"I thought so." Sirius laughed as he followed after the group, his eyes gleaming wickedly.

-Account Management Office-

"Can I help you?" The goblin glared down at the woman, smiling sweetly up at the squat creature perched atop its desk.

"Oh, yes, Mr. Potter asked me to help him take care of this." The sadistic glint in the woman's eyes was enough to make the goblin's own rise in curiosity as it took the parchment and carefully began to read over it, with its own eyes widening quickly in realization.

"I will need to have this verified first, of course." The creature stated quickly as it read over the parchment once more, eyes focused on the string of numerals listed.

"But of course." Andromeda smiled back at the creature before looking back over her shoulder. "Why, Lucius was even here…" Pausing when she saw the appearance of the furious blonde who so strongly resembled her own sister storming up behind the group with a merry looking Sirius strolling behind her made her smile glint even more. "Oh, I'm sorry, LUCI is even here so you can inform her as soon as its verified."

"Luci?" The goblin arched a brow as it handed the parchment over to another goblin, before a quick series of instructions were spat out in the goblin's native tongue before it caught sight of the furious looking blonde and nodded in understanding. "Ah, I see. I see that the rumors of your return haven't been exaggerated Mr. Black?"

"Depends on what they say, now doesn't it?" The man responded an apple appearing in his hand as he munched on it happily, another soon appearing in his free hand. "Apple?"

"No, thank you." The creature said sourly as it sniffed in disdain, before its eyes widened as it watched the apple vanish from the man's hand, and reappear… in that of another troubling development. "And I take it that… Both of you have resumed your, duties as they were?"

"Oh, looks like he's discovered our secret, Mooney." Sirus noted with a sad sigh as he took another bite of his apple. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Indeed I do, Padfoot." Remus took a bite of his own apple as he looked at the goblin sadly. "Indeed I do."

"Such a shame, really." Sirius nodded his head, as he bit down into his apple once more before looking over the suddenly nervous looking goblin. "Such a fine goblin too, in the prime of his life, apparently rising through the ranks… Ah well."

"Indeed, Padfoot, indeed." Remus nodded as he took a bite of his own apple, before looking firmly at the goblin. "Now, Mr…?"

The now nervously sweating goblin, glared down at the two in defiance as he spat out his name. "Shatterfang!"

"Hm, not a bad name." Sirius admitted as he took another bite of his apple. "Still, not as good as Narglecruncher."

"Ah, now there was a goblin." Remus agreed as he bit into his own apple once more. "Fierce, intimidating, rich."

"Is there a point to you two's mindless banter?" 'Luci' sneered as she glared angrily at the men, while adjusting her ill fitting clothing.

"Always." The pair chimed in unison as they each took a bite of their apples as one.

Shatterfang grunted softly before ignoring the two as he was soon rewarded by the return of his assistant, who spoke a few words in his ear and handed the piece of parchment back to the man. Sighing softly, the goblin turned his attention back to Andromeda. "I'm afraid, that the contents of the Malfoy vaults are 93 galleons 6 sickles and 4 knuts short of their debt."

"Debts?!" The blonde woman's eyes widened immediately, before narrowing into slits as she snarled. "What debts?!"

"Perhaps it would be best to show her a copy of the contract?" Andromeda suggested with an overly sweet smile on her lips.

"Fine." Shatterfang grunted softly as he tapped the parchment against a blank sheet next to it, transforming it into a duplicate of the contract, before he handed the copy down the desk. "Here."

Taking the parchment from the goblin, she smiled back up at the goblin in a positively predatory fashion that visibly impressed the creature, before she would hand it over to Luci. The blonde snatched the parchment from the woman, before slowly, carefully reading over it, her eyes, widening as she grew considerably more and more pale. Twitching slightly, the woman turned her head towards Harry, and simply stared at the boy for a long, shocked moment.

When she finally recovered enough to speak, she turned her head towards Shatterfang her voice a numbed squeak. "And this has been… verified as accurate?"

"Indeed, Miss Malfoy." Shatterfang smiled an incredibly dark smile down at the woman. "And, I'm sure you're familiar with the laws in regards to debts that one does not have the ability to pay."

"Eep!" Malfoy actually squeaked, her eyes wide and fearful as she just stared up at the goblin like a deer in the headlights.

"Well, no need to go that far." Sirius said smoothly, a particularly evil glint in his eyes, while he plucked the parchment out of 'Luci's' unresisting fingers. "I do believe that Harry might be willing to forgive some of this debt…"

"Really?" Harry arched a brow slightly as he looked up at his godfather. "You sure about that?"

"Say… 5%?" Sirius continued, sending his godson a wink that promised all manner of wickedness. "Of course, Harry couldn't just FORGIVE that debt…"

"5%?!" she practically shrieked in outrage. "That will still ruin me!"

"What I'm suggesting, Luci, is a gentleman's game." Sirius continued, ignoring the blonde's outraged protest while a look of comprehension dawned in Nymphadora's eyes as she grinned a particularly evil grin, rubbing her hands together. "Harry, will play you a game of poker, with the chips forth 5% of your total debt, against oh… lets say your family's manhoods and servitude? And, just by playing the game, we'll forgive the penalty for not having enough money to pay your debts properly."

As Harry's own eyes light up in understanding, he looked over at his godfather, a look of confusion suddenly written on his face. "Poker? But, Sirius…"

"This is outrageous!" The blonde woman protested, staring angrily back at Sirius. "I'll put up Draco's no more!"

"All or nothing." Sirius shot back while Harry tugged on his sleeve.

"But, Sirius… I don't think this would be a good idea…" Harry spoke up in protest, looking wide eyed in apparent fear at his god father. "I mean… I haven't ever beaten you at poker!"

Andromeda stared at the boy, a look of calculating respect in her eyes as she quickly silenced her husband before he could say a word, looking down at where her daughter was suddenly burying her face in her robes to prevent her expression from being seen.

"Oh, well… I suppose we could choose a different game…" Sirius said lamely as he looked down at his apparently fearful looking godson.

"NO!" Lucius immediately protested a look of predatory triumph in his eyes. "The agreement was for Poker! That was the offer!" She paused a moment, before looking up at the goblin. "And I want it in writing!"

"But…" Sirius began to protest, before the goblin spoke up above him.

"You did begin the transaction and make the offer Mr. Black." There was a touch of disappointment in the goblin's voice. "It is well within Mr. Malfoy's rights to demand that you follow through, and have a magically binding contract."

"… Fine." Sirius pouted slightly as he crossed his arms about his chest. "I suppose you can whip something up?"

Shatterfang smirked back at the man, while gesturing to where a quill was dancing across a parchment, before finishing with a flourish then laying down. Glancing over it, he nodded as he handed it down to the group. "Will this be agreeable? I'll have the fee for drawing up the contract deducted from your transaction."

"Standard fee." Andromeda correct as she gave the goblin a glare. "No more."

"Fine." The goblin spat with a grumble. "Standard fee and nothing more."

Luci glanced over the contract before nodding, quickly signing it with a flourish before handing it over to Harry. "Hurry up and sign, boy! I want to get this over and done with!"

"You really sure you want to do this?" Harry said, looking worriedly at the parchment.

"Yes!" The blonde demanded, growling slightly as she glared at the boy.

"Ok." With a shrug, Harry took the quill and signed it with a flourish, before handing it back up to Shatterfang.

The deed done, Nymphadora burst into laughter, clutching desperately at her mother's robes as the tears streamed down her face. Andromeda herself, was smirking, her eyes glinting with a predatory satisfaction, while Sirius and Remus each wore grins of jubilant expectation. Harry himself, suddenly worn a happy little grin as he glanced up at a suddenly confused, and gender bent Lucius Malfoy.

"What…?! Why are you so damned happy!?" She growled as a sense of impending doom slowly trickled down her spine. "He's just a boy! And he's never even beat the fool Black at poker!"

Smiling sweetly Andromeda leaned in and whispered into Luci's ear. "Oh, my dear sister-in-law, how do you think your son lost all that money to begin with?"

Paling visibly the blonde immediately turned towards the goblin, squeaking out. "I protest! I was lured into that contract under false pretenses!"

"Oh?" The goblin sneered down its nose at the pale, wide eyed creature. "Did they lie and give false information about the situation?"

"YES!"

"Nope!" Nymphadora corrected with a happy grin on her lips as she finally recovered from her laughing fit. "Sirius has never played Harry in poker yet. So, how could Harry have beaten him?"

"And I did say I didn't think this was a good idea…" Harry spoke up, smiling slightly. "You just thought I meant I didn't think it was a good idea for me, I didn't think it was a good idea for you."

Suddenly, Coyote appeared, grumbling slightly as he padded up through the crowd, parchment in mouth and glanced up expectantly at a suddenly paling Shatterfang. Recovering after a moment, the goblin looked down at the canine and bowed his head. "Lord Coyote, what can we of Gringotts do for you?"

With a graceful leap, the Great Spirit jumped up onto the goblin's desk before depositing the parchment in front of the goblin. "I need to have that transferred into Harry Potter's account."

"Yes sir, right away." The goblin's reply was automatic as it opened up the parchment, then stared at the amount. "This is…"

"A piece of advice," Coyote interrupted, loudly enough for the group around him to hear. "NEVER play that kid in poker." And with a pop, the animal was gone, leaving a trembling Luci to stare down at Harry in growing horror.

"So, got a room we ca use for a quick game, Mr. Shatterfang?" Harry asked lightly as he smiled up at the blonde. "I'm sure this won't take too long."

And with a slight whimper, Luci's eyes rolled up in the back of her head and she fainted.

"Was it something I said?" Harry looked around, his eyes wide as he stared innocently at Nymphadora.

"Yup." She agreed as she walked over and hugged him tightly. "It was just perfect!"

-Sometime later-

"Mooney, next time we're going to help arrange for the plundering and looking of a person who absolutely deserves it, remind me to not do so in Rommie's presence." Sirius groaned softly as he collapsed back into his chair. "I ache in places men are not meant to ache."

"Padfoot," the werewolf chided lightly as he glared at his friend. "You weren't the one who had an entire wardrobe bought for him."

"You weren't the only one either, Remus." Harry spoke up a he lounged on a nearby couch, now in a comfortably fitting pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a bemused looking Nymphadora sitting on the floor, back against the furniture. "And, I don't know, I kinda had fun."

"Bah, you just enjoyed it when Mum made me try on all those outfits and asked for your opinion." The pink haired girl groused softly even as she leaned back and looked up at the boy expectantly as her hair lengthened out.

"Spoilt brat." Harry teased while he lightly ran his fingers through the now long, pink hair.

"Mhm!" she agreed as she closed her eyes and settled back enjoying herself. "Though, the look on Uncle…"

"Aunt!" Sirius corrected with a grin.

"Aunt Luci's face when she realized she'd lost was rather priceless." She continued with a slight quirk of her lips.

"I kinda wanna see the look on Draco's face when he's forced to pay up." Harry mentioned as he grinned slightly.

"Kinda?" Sirius stared at Harry, a slightly hurt expression on his face. "Only kinda?"

"Yup." Harry's nod came quickly as he smiled at his godfather. "Would you want to spend more time around him than you had to?"

"You do realize that you're pretty much STUCK with HER for the rest of your life, right?" Sirius spoke up, his eyes glittering with amused glee. "With all three of them to be precise."

Harry paused a moment, opening his mouth, before shutting it with a swift, audible click as he turned his attention to his godfather and glared at the man. "You… you…."

"Magnificent bastard?" Sirius offered hopefully as he leaned back, lightly buffing his nails on his coat.

"I was going to go with evil son of a bitch." Harry responded simply as he glared at the man.

"Remind me to introduce you to my mother's portrait sometime." Sirius responded with a droll wink. "You'll see just how true that is."

"Ugh, please, no!" Nym shuddered heavily as she leaned back against Harry. "That bitch is…. Just NO!"

"Bad?" Harry asked curiously as he glanced down at the girl.

"You have no idea." The bubblegum pink haired girl responded simply.

"I see…" Harry paused, nodded before glaring over at Sirius. "Don't think I've forgiven you."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sirius nodded sagely with a grin and a wink.

"Good." Harry nodded back to him, before grinning wickedly. "Then I'm sure you won't mind me assigning Luci to take care of you."

"Eh?" Sirius blinked a moment, before staring back at the boy, a look of dawning realization blossoming on his face. "You wouldn't… you couldn't…"

"My servant." Harry corrected with a sweet smile. "I think she might enjoy making sure that you can't get any."

"Harry!" Sirius stared at the boy, the look of realization rapidly upgrading itself to a look of a pure, unabridged horror. "You can't be serious!"

"Thankfully, I really can't." The black haired boy nodded back as he looked down at Nym, and stage whispered to her with a wink. "I hear it's going to be very, VERY troubling to be Sirius for a while."

"Indeed…" Nym giggled softly as she looked up at the boy. "Very troubling indeed. And, just imagine poor Aunt Luci's reaction."

"Yup, yup." Harry nodded his head sagely before stroking his chin. "How'd you like your own pet cousin?"

"What, making the pureblood ponce bown down and serve his dirty, half blood cousin?!" Nym's eyes gleamed as she stared up at Harry. "Have you been reading my diary?!"

"Ugh!" Harry winced immediately and quickly and violently shook his head. "Bloody hell no! No diaries! EVER! The last one I came across tried to steal the person who got it's soul!"

"A soul stealing diary?" Nym quirked her brow slightly, looking at the boy with a grin. "Iiiiinteresting."

"You don't quite understand." Harry cut her off, before slowly and carefully emphasizing what he was explaining. "It was VOLDEMORT's soul stealing diary, from when he was still a student at Hogwarts."

"Ick!" The Tonks girl immediately winced before she offered the boy a sympathetic smile. "I can see how that could put you off diaries." She paused, before beaming brightly. "But, that means I don't ever have to worry about you breaking into mine and reading it!"

"True." Harry agreed, before he pointed over to Sirius. "But if I want to know what you've written, I'll just ask Sirius."

The girl blinked in confusion before turning her head when her eyes suddenly bugged out as she saw her disheveled cousin reading through a very familiar tome. "OI! Where the hell did you get that!"

"Hmm?" Sirius blinked a moment before holding the item up. "This old thing? I convinced Remus to knick it for me as soon as you two started mentioning diaries…" He paused a moment, before grinning at his colorful cousin. "Really, Nymmie… I had NO idea you had such a naughty, NAUGHTY mind! Makes me worried about leaving you alone with my poor, innocent, helpless godson! Who knows what kind of depraved intentions you have for him!"

The girl blinked a moment, before simply arching a brow at Sirius. "Huh, you sure Remus actually got you MY diary then? Sounds a bit like he's pranking you."

Sirius blinked a moment, before frowning as he noticed the suddenly absent werewolf before he tossed the diary down. "That scoundrel! I'll teach him!"

Reaching over, Nym picked up the diary and flipped it open, scanning it casually with a brief, flickering glance. "Huh, what do you know, it IS my diary after all."

-o-o-o-

"So, we ready to get this party started?" Sirius spoke up, his eyes gleaming happily as he lightly popped his dragon hide jacket and shifted about.

"You're going to court, Sirius." Andromeda admonished with a slight tsking sound as she mildly glared at the man. "Not a drunken orgy." She paused a moment, before lightly tapping her lower lip. "And since Lucius…"

"Luci!" Sirius corrected her quickly.

"I swear, you get entirely too much pleasure out of that." Exasperation bled into the woman's voice as she glared slightly at her beaming cousin. "As I was saying, since Luci isn't around bribing and pulling people's strings…"

"Did anyone actually tell her not to?" Harry asked curiously as he glanced at his Godfather. "Since ya know, she's likely to want to try and get a measure of revenge and all."

"Bah, Luci's a coward and all." Sirius waved his hand dismissively before grinning brightly. "But, maybe we'll get lucky and she'll try something! Oooooh, can I put her in her new uniform if she does?"

"Ya know, I'm starting to wonder if I really should give her to him." Harry noted as he looked over at Andromeda. "You want both of em? I was already planning on giving you your sister."

Andromeda blinked slightly as she glanced over at a triumphantly grinning Sirius. "Wouldn't that mean that Luci couldn't interfere with Sirius' love life like Nymphadora was telling me?"

"Hm, true." Harry admitted with a thoughtful expression on his face. "And I suppose it would be amusing to see her reaction." He paused, blinking a moment before looking around. "Where is Nym anyway?"

"Auror training." Andromeda said absently, with a wave of her hand. "Since Coyote won't turn her back, she figured she might as well get back into the swing of things."

"Ah, I see." Harry nodded, sagely in understanding. "So, Sirius, what kind of uniform were you thinking?"

-o-o-o-

"TONKS!" A snarling growl left Alastor Moody's face as he glared down at the little girl in front of him. "What the bloody hell are you doing, showing up looking like that?!"

The pink haired girl gulped for a moment, before steeling her spine and looking back into Moody's disfigured face. "Sirius Black is my cousin."

"Oh." The man deflated, visibly as he eyed the girl. "Stuck like that?"

"Coyote won't turn me back." The girl agreed with a slight pout as she grumbled. "And he cheats at cards."

"Well, you shouldn't be playing cards with deity class entities!" Moody glared down at the girl as he snarled lightly.

"Bah, he's nothing, the one you really don't want to play cards with is Harry Bloody Potter." Tonks shot back as she grumbled a bit. "He fleeced me, Coyote and… well the other one we were playing with." She paused a moment, before grinning brightly. "But, he also fleeced away the entire Malfoy fortune, and won their manhoods and servitude."

Moody blinked his good eye for a moment, as he stared at the girl in front of him. "He fleeced the Malfoys?"

"Lucius, is now Luci." The girl affirmed with a nod of her head, grinning brightly. "Harry's planning on assigning her to be the personal servant to Sirius."

"Cruel." Moody approved with a frightening grin.

"With the task of making certain Sirius doesn't get any." Tonks finished with a sweet grin on her lips.

"Twisted." Moody winced slightly. "What'd he to do deserve that?"

"Tricked Harry into getting stuck with the Malfoy's for the rest of his life?"

"Ah, the kid's got a nasty streak in him then." Moody approved again with a grin. "Now, that just leaves us with figuring out what to do about you."

"I think I know just what to do, Moody." A new, sharp voice said directly behind Tonks, causing the girl to jump up and yelp in surprise as she whirled around, and… was replaced by a bright pink coyote cub.

Amelia Bones stared down at the confused looking pink pup, before looking over at a cackling Alastor Moody. "Black?"

"I'd imagine so!" Moody crowed slightly as he grinned down at the seemingly pouting coyote.

"She seemed to change reflexively. Probably an animagus like trigger." Madame Bones sighed slightly as she glared down at the girl. "Get her some control over it then send her up to my office."

"Right right." Moody grinned back at the girl turned coyote and laughed again as she flopped down on her haunches and her tongue poked out of the corner of her muzzle as a look of concentration passed across her face. Shuddering at the look, Moody growled down at the girl and glared mildly. "Stop looking… looking… GAH! Don't make me say it!"

The coyote just pouted back at the grizzled Auror then resumed her look of adorable concentration.. Grumbling softly Moody glared at her once more before sighing and started to talk her through the usual steps of animagus transformation.

-o-o-o-

"The Wizengamot will come to order!" Amelia Bones' voice snapped out into the air as she leveled a monocled glare out across the room. "The trial of Sirius Black shall commence."

Yawning slightly, Sirius ignored the dark looks several members of the august body leveled at him as he leaned back, bare feet visible as he waggled his toes just a bit. Looking happily about, he would catch sight of an angrily glaring Luci Malfoy speaking to Cornelius Fudge. His eyes twinkling slightly with mirth as he saw the man quickly puff up, obviously being stoked into trying to take action.

Arching a brow just slightly, Sirius simply gave the man turned woman a look. As she glared back, Fudge followed the look before puffing up even more as he glared at black then moved over to Madame Bones. Speaking up, loudly so he could be heard the man quickly addressed the court. "Before this begins, additional charges MUST be filed against this miscreant!"

"Oh? And tell me Minister, what charges MUST be filed?" There was a cool warning in the woman's words. "As I find it quite interesting how interested you seem in seeing Justice carried out for Mr. Black after so many years denying it."

The Minister flushed brightly at the implication, as the stern woman did not even begin to waver at his angry glare. When he she failed to be dislodged, the Minister spoke up and gritted out. "The theft of manhood from the Noble House of Malfoy!"

Sirius snickered audibly, a reaction that was echoed about the room for various reasons, before he spoke up. "If I might address that allegation before it is added to the list?"

"You may, Mr. Black." Madame Bones nodded her head leaning back, as curiosity entered her eyes for a brief moment.

"While, I will admit I did play a teasing prank on my cousin, and temporarily transformed him into the lovely specimen of femininity we see before us now…" Sirius gestured as the seething Malfoy glared back at him… suddenly dressed as a French Maid. "SHE chose however, to enter into a binding contract with my godson, wagering 5% of the debt the Malfoy family had accrued to Mr. Potter. A debt, in which the Malfoys were unable to pay in full."

Fudge paled visibly as a trickle of realization began to drip into his mind while Luci merely fumed back at Sirius. They both knew that it had been a reckless gamble, with little to no chance of success, but, her pride had forced her to at least try something. On her high seat, Madame Bones spoke up questioningly. "What does this have to do with the accusation of theft of manhood, exactly?"

"Well, here's the contract." Sirius pulled it from his coat jacket then handed it over to one of the Auror's on duty, who inspected it for a moment, then brought it up to the head of the DMLE

For a moment, Amelia Bones remained silent as she looked over the paper in front of her, pursing her lips into a thin line until at last she spoke. "And I take it, that Mr. Potter was the winner of their wager?"

"Yup!" Sirius nodded his head, beaming happily. "Harry's planning on assigning Luci to me infact!"

A look of absolute horror crossed Luci Malfoy's face, before finally, she did the only thing left she could, she fainted into a boneless heap of flesh, satin and lace. Seeing the woman's reaction, Amelia arched a brow before shrugging slightly. "Can't say as I blame her…" Looking up, she spotted an amused looking Harry watching the display. "Mr. Potter, would you be so kind as to collect your servant?"

"Sure you wouldn't like to collect her and question her?" Harry offered up helpfully. "I'm sure she has all kinds of information she could… volunteer."

"Why thank you, Mr. Potter." The woman replied with a smile as she noticed how Fudge seemed to be coming close to joining the femininzed Malfoy on the floor. "However, that won't be… Necessary for now."

"Fine, take all the fun outta it." Harry pouted just a bit before looking at Remus. "Mooney? Could you…?"

"Fine." Remus rolled his eyes and gestured, causing the woman to vanish completely, though her uniform remained.

"Um, Remus?" Harry blinked slightly. "Did you just go and dump a naked Luci Malfoy somewhere?"

"No." Remus responded with a completely straight face. "She still has her knickers."

"Oh. Ok."

"Moving on?" Amelia Bones spoke up, before glancing over at Minister Fudge. "Unless there are more charges you'd like to try and add?"

Fudge wordlessly shook his head and slowly stumbled out of the room, lost in a daze as realization was slowly dawning on him of what had just happened, and what exactly it entailed.

"Good." Nodding her head, the woman turned her head and casually addressed Sirius. "Mr. Black, you are accused of aiding the terrorist known as Lord Voldemort." She glared slightly at the wave of shivering winces that rippled through the room. "Leading to the deaths of James and Lily Potter, as well as the deaths of 13 muggles and Peter Pettigrew." She paused a moment, before casually glancing at the rest of the body. "Personally, considering we now have Mr. Pettigrew in custody, and given his veritaserum interrogation, I move for all the charges be dismissed."

"Unfortunately, Madame Bones," a cool voice interrupted as a dark eyed man spoke up, "Not all of us have had the… opportunity to examine this so called evidence."

"Oh, really Mr. Nott?" The woman paused a moment, before nodding her head and smiling back at him. "Why, I had you all informed that the evidence was waiting for you to peruse at your leisure, prior to the trial. I suppose I could take Mr. Potter up on his generous offer of questioning his new servant while you're doing such now."

"Whenever you'd like!" Harry offered helpfully as he grinned back at the woman, happily. "I can only imagine the kinds of things she'd know!"

"Why, delightful!" The woman beamed back at the boy before looking back at Nott. "Shall I call two hour recess to give you time to review the evidence, Mr. Nott?"

"No." The man gave the woman a sour look, glaring slightly. "I'm sure that what you've said accurately summarizes things."

"Glad you agree." The woman smiled with a false cheer at him. "Now then, I again move to have the charges against Mr. Black be dropped." She paused a moment, before glancing at the broadly grinning man. "Unless you'd like to argue for restitution, Mr. Black?"

"Put Crouch in chains and make sure he's not hiding anything else, and I'll be happy." Sirius responded cheerfully as he stretched out. "Anything else I can do for you gents?"

"I wish I could give you back your wand, Mr. Black, but unfortunately..." Amelia left the rest hanging. "I will be certain to insure that your record is completely expunged."

"Delightful." Sirius grinned back at her before pausing a moment, as he suddenly flashed a disturbing grin at Harry, before looking back at the woman. "Madame Bones, I was wondering..."

"Whatever you do, Madame Bones, don't listen!" Harry almost shouted across the room. "Whatever he wants, he's up to no good!"

"Harry, don't you trust your god father?" Sirius shot back, grinning at the boy.

"Not with that grin on your face!"

"He does have a point, Padfoot." Remus pointed out, smiling at the suddenly pouting man.

"I was just going to invite her and her niece to dinner!" Sirius pouted lightly as he looked back over at Amelia, his eyes wide and glistening. "Is that so wrong?!"

"Don't trust him!" Harry called out again, his eyes wide. "He's up to something I tell you!"

"Mr. Black, you do realize what you're doing is highly inappropriate, yes?" Madame Bones spoke up in a simple, clear voice. "Despite the fact that my niece and Mr. Potter are Classmates." She studied him a moment, before casually arching a brow. "But then, with what you had in mind, appropriate isn't even in the ball park, is it?"

"Who, me?" A softly glowing halo popped into existence above the man's head as he smiled at the woman with a look of pure innocence.

A halo that lasted until Harry snuck up behind it, and poked it firmly with his wand, causing it to let out a hiss of escaping air and collapse onto Sirius head, somehow landing in the shape of a pair of horns. Her lips switching slightly, the director gave Sirius a simple, grave look, "Yes, Mr. Black, you."

"Rats, foiled again." Sirius chuckled softly as he lightly snapped his fingers. "Is it so wrong for a boy's loving god father..."

"Dog father more like it." Harry muttered audibly.

"Dog god father." Sirius amended casually with a grin on his lips. "To want to introduce him to some nice girls?! Is it?!"

"When you're trying to get the girl's Aunt to help you?" The woman glared sternly down at the man, before cracking a smile. "Smarter than just trying to get the girl."

"Thanks, I thought so!" Sirius agreed with a nod. "Sunday night, about 8?"

"If Susan's interested." Amelia agreed with a nod. "I'll let you know."

"Excelllllllent!" Sirius nodded and gave her a sweeping bow. "Until then, then, Madame Bones."

"Mr. Black." She agreed with a nod of her head, leaving Harry to gape slightly at the man.

"Don't try to understand it, Harry." Remus said consolingly as he patted the boy on the shoulder. "You'll only hurt yourself."


	5. Chapter 5

Chosen Tricksters Chapter 5:

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co belong to Rowling

Author's notes: Mah.

I had most of this written a while back. Just couldn't get the last 6 pages or so finished.

Just didn't have the time/inspiration.

Finally got around to it now.

-o-o-o-

"I will revenge myself upon you." Harry's voice came crystal clear as he glared at the amused looking Sirius. "It shall be grand, it shall be all encompassing, and it shall be lasting!"

"Careful, Harry, you're starting to sound like a Malfoy," Sirius noted with a bemused grin on his lips.

"Who do you think I, ahem, 'borrowed' it from?" The boy's eyes shone with amusement before he stretched out. "Hmm, so, how're we going to make sure the Weasley's are there to see the look on the Malfoys' faces when Luci tells them how far up a creek they are?"

"Doesn't Arthur…?" Remus offered up with a quirked brow.

"And if I wasn't set on having her being trouble for Sirius, I'd make her spend the rest of the summer cleaning up the Burrow." Harry agreed with a nod of his head.

"I take it Arthur didn't much care for Lucius?" Sirius asked, his eyes dancing merrily while he stretched slightly and grinned.

"Well, the whole giving Ginny a cursed diary that tried to suck out her soul and revive You-know-what-he-smells-like?" Harry nodded again as he grinned slightly and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think he liked how even when he was a guy, he acted like a bitch."

"Perhaps, only a few, select Weasleys?" Remus put forth hopefully as he shifted just a bit. "Like, say… the twins, your friend Ron, and Arthur? So we don't have to endure certain… tempers?"

"In other words, can we please, please not bring Molly into things?" Sirius clarified with wide, pleading eyes.

"And miss out on the self righteous anger?" Harry stared at Sirius for a moment, apparently completely in shock. "But… but she's like the Mother I never had!"

"… You had a mother, and she was scarier than Molly could ever hope of being," Sirius said flatly as he crossed his arms about his chest. "A mother who loved you very much."

"And who put Sirius in the dog house, literally, whenever he annoyed her." Remus pointed out with a grin.

"How she was able to trap me as Padfoot, I'll never know," Sirius admitted with a grumble.

"All, right, she's like the mother I never remember having, as I was left to grow up with my Aunt and Uncle," Harry countered crossing his arms with a slight pout on his lips.

"Ah, right, sorry about that." Sirius responded as he blushed along with Remus, before glancing slightly around the room. "So, we're agreed then? Those four of the Weasleys?"

"Well, that depends…" Harry pointed out was he suddenly let an innocent smile flow across his lips, sending a cold chill down the spines of his parents' friends.

"On?" The pair responded in unison.

"Why, just how we're going to pick them up of course!"

"… I was honestly just planning on kidnapping them," Sirius answered with a casual shrug of his shoulders.

"Well, of course we're going to kidnap them." Harry glowered at Sirius as he then turned his head and looked pointedly at Remus. "Was he always this dense?"

"More so I think." Remus agreed with a sad nod of his head.

"Tragic."

"Terribly so, especially for someone who's so creative the rest of the time."

"Must you two treat me like I'm not even here?" Sirius glared at the pair of them, even as he fought down the pout that threatened to break out across his lips.

"Only when you're being foolish." Remus responded with a simple smile on his lips.

"Is he ever not?" Harry asked, curiously glancing at Remus with that overly innocent smile on his lips.

"Well, have we ever not made an aside comment about him, like he's not there, when he was?" Remus answered, curiously tapping his chin.

"I think we might've forgotten a time or two," Harry admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Well, I suppose that might explain a few things," Remus agreed as he hung his head and sighed. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to try harder from here on in."

"... I will of course, have an appropriate response for this insult... eventually." Sirius' declaration rose into the air, just before the man huffed lightly and turned to stalk towards the kitchen.

"I suppose we really should be worried," Remus noted with a certain air of authority, before he couldn't help but let his lips curl lightly upwards. "Yet, for the life of me, I can't seem to bring myself to care."

"It was rather funny, wasn't it?" Harry noted rhetorically, smiling slightly as he nodded his head back to Remus, before the could hear the sharp crack of a particularly violent apparition before Nymphadora's voice rang out from the kitchen.

"YOU!"

"Hmm, we better go see what Sirius did this time." Remus noted with a slight chuckle and a rueful shake of his head as he quietly.

A startled yelp broke through the air, followed immediately by a variety of crashes and clattering symphony of destruction. When the pair arrived at the entrance to the kitchen, they were treated to the sight of the pink haired girl throwing spell after spell at the wide eyed and fearfully dodging for his life and manhood, Sirius. A pink haired girl whose eyes were burning with absolute malice.

"This is all YOUR fault! ALL because of this stupid transfiguration you did to me!" the girl growled even darker, eyes burning as she finally paused her spell barrage. "I've got to put up with another 5 years of SNAPE because of you!"

"Err… Sorry?" Sirius offered up, his eyes wide as he glanced around and took careful note of the wide spread destruction that had formerly been his kitchen.

"Um, Nym? Not that I don't understand the urge to hex him into oblivion… Really, I do," Harry said quickly as he glanced at his godfather. "But what did he do this time?"

"Because he bloody made me a kid again, Director Bones is sending me back to Hogwarts!" The girl growled angrily as she suddenly stomped her foot on the ground. "I can't even exempt out of Potions either!"

"Oh." Harry immediately felt torn inside, on one hand, he definitely sympathized with her on having to put up with an additional vie years of Snape, on the other... "Why can't you exempt out of Potions? Why would they even send you back to begin with?"

Blinking slightly as she realized exactly who she was talking to, the girl's face immediately fell as she was suddenly nervously staring at her shifting feet. "Um, well, err… you see…"

"They're sending you as Harry's bodyguard, aren't they." Remus guessed as his eyes twinkled playfully as he glanced from the girl to Harry. "Oh, this should be rather interesting."

"… Bodyguard?" Harry blinked, owlishly as he glanced from Nym to Remus and back again. "What…?"

"Oh, I think Remus is rather spot on." Sirius spoke up his eyes twinkling madly. "This is going to be VERY interesting."

Nymphadora herself, merely blushed, brightly as she hung her head, before suddenly she glanced up, glaring with a flushed face at her cousin before suddenly she was again a pint sized pink coyote, and Sirius was suddenly wishing that he was wearing shoes.

"OW! Hey! What the bloody-? Stop that!" Sirius was dancing around as the transformed girl went to work, biting at his ankles, and leaving slight scratches on his feet with her tiny little claws.

"Um, Remus?" Harry turned his head and looked towards the thin, almost sickly looking man, his voice paused a moment as he glanced between him and where Nym was tormenting Sirius. "I think I'm going to need to sit down."

"Mmm? Oh, right." The man casually pulled out a chair and pushed the boy down into it, before Harry suddenly found a large bucket of popcorn in his lap. "Popcorn?"

"Mooney! A little help?" Sirius yelped lightly as he danced from one foot to the other, doing his best to avoid the angry little pup's assault.

"I don't know, what do you think, Harry? He did promise to have an 'appropriate' response to our 'insult' just a few minutes ago." Remus was lightly stroking his chin before he pulled out a handful of popcorn from the bucket and took

"This is true." Harry answered in a bit of a daze as he found himself munching on the popcorn without even quite realizing it.

"I take it back!" Sirius yelped again as Nym took a nip at his toes. "Just help me out here already!"

"Are you Padfoot, or not?" Remus offered up serenely as he smiled back at the man.

"Oh." Sirius blinked as he froze in place, giving Nym a chance to get quite the hold on his foot. "Ow."

Glaring down at the pink coyote cub, Sirius suddenly shifted into Padfoot, and the grim-like dog suddenly seemed to smirk at the much smaller, pink canine. At least, until said pink canine immediately reverted back to her human form and unleashed a string of spells on him. When his fur lengthened and curled, caught up in a series of black ribbons, he'd been outraged. When it turned an almost blinding yellow, he'd cringed. When the rhinestone studded collar slapped about his throat and nails were freshly manicured, he'd let off a whimper.

"Humph, serves the bugger right!" Huffing slightly Nym turned, plucked the popcorn bucket off of Harry's lap then plopped down, shifting into her distinctive other form just before she made contact and curling up into his warmth.

Harry merely turned, glancing from Sirius to the girl, and blinking several times over the course of several long seconds. "Well… That was interesting."

A flash of a camera went off, and Harry couldn't help but smirk a bit, as for once, he wasn't the subject under its lens.

-o-o-o-

"Harry..."

"...Buddy..."

"...Pal..."

"You know we love you, really..."

"Like our own, ickle Ronniekins, we do..."

"...But next time?"

"A little warning."

The twins looked up from the plastic swimming pool, filled with a vibrant green jello and four familiar red headed faces. At least moderately familiar as they stared back at Harry, Sirius, Remus, and a strangely amused looking pink coyote behind their jello caked faces. Looking from one to the other, the twins sighed before they smiled back at the three smirking males.

"Though, we do admit..."

"It was well played."

Turning his head, Harry looked pleadingly over at Sirius for only a moment, before the man sighed and grumbled a bit as he gestured towards the boy and instantly Harry was seated atop a chair of his own, the pink coyote fluffed up and resting on his lap. His jeans and shirt, replaced by a cool grey, high collared suit that reached up to where the suddenly sinister grin curled upon his lips. "Good evening, Messers Weasley, I do apologize for the suddenness, but it was felt that you'd much prefer to see this evening's proceeding's in person."

"Err... Harry?" Ron Weasley put forth carefully as he stared at the boy as he was caught in uncertainty if he should be afraid, or simply laughing at his friend's appearance. "What's with the pink dog?"

"Coyote, Ron, she's a pink coyote," Harry chided slightly as he lightly stroked his fingers through the soft fur. "A highly trained attack coyote to be precise."

"You sure about that, mate? She looks like a poofy pink dog to me." Ron shrugged his shoulders slightly as he looked at the suddenly narrowed eyes of the beast on his friend's lap. "I mean seriously, she's PINK!"

"Nym...?" Harry paused his scritching of the animal before he pointed towards Ron. "Sic'em."

The coyote languidly turned her head, and stared up at the boy, head cocked to the side before huffing pointedly and grabbing hold of his cuff and dragging it back to her fur. Frowning slightly, Harry glared softly back down at her. "Oh, I see, he goes and says you look like a poofy pink dog in a way that insinuates that you're not a highly trained professional, and all you care about are more scratching and pettings?"

When Nym nodded her head in response and casually settled back down into his lap, Harry sighed as he glanced over at the twins. "She's got a vicious streak a mile wide, she does. Sadly though, she's a lazy, spoilt little ball of fluff."

"Um, Harry, my boy?" Arthur spoke up finally, a touch nervously as he glanced from Harry to Sirius and back. "I don't mean to be rude and what not, but Molly was expecting us to be coming down to dinner." He paused again, glancing at the coyote in the boy's lap, before looking warily at a pair of amused looking faces in Remus and Sirius. "And they haven't been feeding you some of those odd concoctions like the twins like to play around with, have they?"

"Oh no, Mr. Weasley." Harry quickly waved his hand as he smiled back at the man. "I'm just having a bit of fun impersonating a muggle movie character. I'd never wear something like like this for real." He paused a moment, before grinning slightly. "Pink coyote fur stands out too much on it."

"Speaking of..."

"Where'd you find her?" The twins quickly spoke up, curiosity shining in their eyes as they looked at the Coyote before one of them continued. "By George..."

"Yes, Fred?" The second twin offered up, his eyes twinkling with a playful glee.

"Is it just me, or is does that particular shade of brilliant bubblegum pink remind you of someone?" Fred asked, his eyes dancing merrily he lightly flicked a piece of jell off his nose, and at his youngest brother.

"Why, I do believe you could be quite right, Fred! Could it possibly be that ickle Harrykins has gone and gotten himself a Tonksie?" George readily agreed, before frowning slightly as he suddenly remembered something. "And what's this? Getting away with calling her by a pet name?"

"And again, I remind the Messers Weasley that she IS a highly trained attack coyote," Harry answered with a sage nod of his head. "Antagonize her at your own risk."

Just as George opened his mouth to answer the boy, Fred's hand came up, quickly covering it as he cut in. "Yes, if that is indeed the esteemed Tonksie, then, my dear brother, remember just what it is she could do to us."

As Fred's hand left George's mouth, the previously censored twin made a show of rubbing his chin, before nodding back to his brother. "Quite right, quite right."

"... How dangerous could a pink dog named Tonksie or Nym be?" Ron asked, staring blankly at the twins before gesturing back towards Harry and Nym. "Seriously, I know you two like to mess with me, but come on, it's PINK."

Harry blinked slightly as he looked back at his best friend and lightly arched a brow. "And, is there something wrong with something being pink?" Unseen by Ron, the coyote's attention was now firmly fixed on the youngest Weasley boy. "I happen to think she looks quite fetching in pink."

"It's... Come on mate, it's just so... girly! I could see someone like Malfoy with one, he acts enough like a girl as it is..." Ron answered back as he stared helplessly back at his friend. "But, if the guys back in Gryffindor hear about this..."

"I think the fifth years and above would be applauding him, personally." Fred cut his brother off, his eyes twinkling with a knowing delight. "But, as we've said, continue antagonizing the Tonksie at your own risk."

"I advise listening to your brother." Harry quickly added in as he locked his eyes with Ron's, then pausing before he quickly amended his statement. "Well, in this case. I refuse to give them a blanket endorsement, Merlin knows what they'd do with it."

"Do we have anything planned that could make use of that kind of blind trust, Fred?" George as quickly as he lightly stroked his chin in consideration while he glanced over at his brother.

"Nothing worthy of it at least. Only a few little tricky treats," Fred answered back with a slight sigh. "A shame, really it is, we could've extolled a grandiose scheme where we would have used Harry's endorsement for the maximum benefit."

"Then changed it up completely so no one could see you coming?" Sirius spoke up for the first time, his eyes twinkling before he offered a hand down to the still bewildered Mr. Weasley. "Arthur, terribly sorry about the mess, but well... It was too amusing of an idea to resist."

"Um, yes, quite..." Tentatively, the man took Sirius' hand, after carefully making certain nothing was in it and allowed himself to be pulled free from the pool. "So, um, why exactly would we be here?"

"Mwahahahahaha!" Harry let loose his wicked laugh as he continued to stroke the coyote in his hand, drawing everyone's attention back to him, before he smiled innocently back at their watching eyes. "What? Never had the urge to laugh maniacally before?"

"Yes, well, we generally restrain it." Fred spoke with a dry smirk as he glanced at his brother.

"Indeed, the urge is all well and good, but actually acting on it?" George shook his head and chuckled slightly with eyes twinkling. "That's just bad form. At least, when you're not a Dark Lord."

"Are you a Dark Lord now, Harry?" Fred asked, his eyes glinting curiously.

"Nah, I just play one in the movies." Harry grinned slightly before he lightly nudged the coyote on his lap. "All right, enough fun, we've kept the Malfoys waiting long enough, off, Nym."

The coyote simply tilted her head to the side for a moment, before she made a show of yawning and shutting her eyes as she curled back up against him even more firmly. Frowning slightly, Harry held up a finger to the incredulous looking Weasleys. "One moment. Nym, up, or I'll be spending your next paycheck on chocolate frogs and make you watch us eating every single one, without sharing."

The coyote froze instantly before she opened her eyes and stared back challengingly at the boy, who crossed his arms about his chest. "Yes, I will. And I'll even make it those dark chocolate ones you love so much. And I won't let anyone share a single one with you."

Instantly the group could hear the slight whimper escape the coyote's lips, her eyes glistening as she stared back up at the boy, pleading as she worked to make herself as adorable as possible. Harry gave the look a moment's notice, his arms still crossed about his chest as he glared back at her. "That didn't work for Coyote, it's not gonna work for you."

Instantly the pleading melted away, before the coyote grumbled slightly as she hopped off his lap and scowled up at him with a huff.

Dusting the pink hairs off of his pants and jacket, Harry turned his head a moment and looked back at Sirius. "Could I have my old clothes back now?"

"Could you?" Sirius lightly seemed to taste the word, his grey eyes dancing playfully as he finally nodded his head. "Yes, yes you could. But the real question is, will I?"

Harry paused a moment, before glancing over at Remus. "Sirius doesn't really have a full wardrobe anymore, does he?"

Remus paused a moment, opening his mouth as if to say something, before frowning and lightly stroking his chin thoughtfully. "You know, you're right, he doesn't. We'll have to remind Romeda about that."

"So we shall. And, of course, you know what that means." Harry agreed, before the pair of them wore vicious grins on their faces as they turned to face the wide eyed Black as they spoke in unison.

"More shopping!"

Harry was back in his normal clothes as soon as the pair finished speaking.

-o-o-o-

"Harry, mate, why, exactly, are you taking us to meet the Malfoys?" Ron shifted about, slightly as he glanced around. "I mean, after this year at Hogwarts…"

"Yes." Arthur's face darkened visibly as his fingers clenched slightly. "I've been wanting to have a few… words with Lucius."

"Luci." Three voices chorused back at him, accompanied by a matching bark from the coyote next to Harry.

"Luci?" The twins chorused, eyes suddenly gleaming with curiosity as they glanced at one anther then the widely grinning Harry.

The boy merely grinned back at them, before glancing over at Sirius, rubbing his hands together gleefully just before he gestured to the door in front of them. "Are they inside?"

"Now, Harry, remember we talked about this." Remus scolded lightly. "It's not nice to revel in the abject humiliation of your victims."

"But...!"

"Have you forgotten the greatest pleasures of life, Mooney?" Sirius stared back at his friend in wide eyed outrage before continuing, "To crush your enemies! To see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women!"

"Ignore him, Harry." Remus shook his head and chuckled softly as he lightly placed a hand on his shoulder. "He's seen too many muggle movies, and well, he DID pick up some bad traits from his mother."

Sirius immediately stiffened before he narrowed his eyes at Remus. "Mr. Padfoot would like to remind Mr. Mooney about the rules on mentioning that individual."

"Might I remind Messers Marauders, that if they keep this up, I will get Rommie and send them to escort her on a shopping trip." Harry cut in before grinning slightly.

"… Mr. Padfoot thinks that the Prongslet likes using that threat entirely too much, wouldn't you agree, Mr. Mooney?" Sirius eyed the boy with those grey eyes of his while a frown curled down his lips.

"Mr. Mooney does indeed agree with Mr. Padfoot's assessment." Remus nodded his head quickly back at his friend.

"I only use it when you go on tangents and need to be brought back on track," Harry immediately objected as he eyed the pair, before pausing as he lightly tapped his chin. "Though, I do have to admit, the sheer horror on your faces when I do is terribly amusing."

When the coyote at his side yipped in agreement, the pair of Marauders glared slightly at the pair before glancing at one another before Sirius spoke. "You know, if I wasn't completely and absolutely against the idea, I'd start going shopping with my cousin regularly just so he can't use that bloody threat anymore."

"Oh, are you volunteering?" Harry perked up and smiled at Sirius. "I'm sure she'd absolutely love the company on a shopping trip!"

"Um, Harry?" Ron spoke up hesitantly as he glanced at his friend. "Don't take this the wrong way, but.. Have you gone round the bend?"

The coyote at Harry's side barked in affirmation and nodded quickly in agreement to the Weasley's question. Seeing the action, Harry scowled slightly as he responded. "I have not gone round the bend." He paused there, before reluctantly admitting. "I might've peaked around it though."

"So, Harry, old boy…" One of the twins quickly cut in as he glanced from the boy to his younger brother.

"What exactly is going on?" The second twin finished.

"Well, you know how… I have a certain… talent we'll say, for cards?" Harry offered carefully as he ignored the sudden glare directed at him from the coyote at his side.

"We'll get you your money, Harry, we promise." One of the twins spoke up quickly before the other picked up after him.

"We've just hit a momentary… set back."

"Only momentary, we assure you."

"We'll have your money right quick."

"… Wait." Arthur Weasley cut in as he glared at his sons. "You two owe Harry money?"

"Just a smidge."

"Nothing terribly much, honest!"

"I was honestly just planning on making them my minions if they couldn't pay anyway." Harry cut in with a shrug of his shoulders. "But, you see, they aren't the only ones who owed me money."

The twins glanced at each other, before opening their mouths only to be cut off by Harry. "I said owed. You two still owe me."

When they both snapped their fingers in unison, Harry shook his head, a grin on his lips as he continued. "Anyway, a certain ponce, who shall remain nameless, managed to lose a sizable sum of money to me." He paused there, before scratching behind Nym's ears as he continued. "And since I got into the practice making sure people signed contracts to insure proper payment…"

"How much did you…"

"Take Malfoy for?" The twins quickly asked, their eyes shining hopefully.

"It might've been for a very, very significant sum." Harry answered back vaguely, before yelping as Nym bit him. "Hey!"

"Harry, can I please get a straight answer?" Ron asked pleadingly as he looked back at his friend. "I mean… This is all so bloody confusing."

"Yes, and we don't want to keep Molly waiting too terribly much longer," Arthur agreed as he nervously glanced around.

"Long story short…" Sirius quickly spoke up, grinning from ear to ear. "Dear cousin Draco lost the Malfoy fortune, and then some, to my most beloved of all possible godsons."

"…And then some?" Arthur's eyes widened at the implications as he stared back at Sirius.

"And then some," Sirius agreed with a grin. "Dear Luci was actually right there when we got the goblins involved and found out firsthand how much had been lost…"

"Then, you made me make a bet with him." Harry's face turned into a glower as he glared back at Sirius. "You tricked me!"

"I tricked both of you, and it was hilarious." Sirius corrected with a grin before he winked at the twins. "I mean… really, it's hardly my fault that you didn't think through what it would mean to win their manhoods and servitude."

"Wait does that…"

"Mean what we think it does?" The twins eyes gleamed before they turned back to Harry expectantly.

"I thought Ron might appreciate the look on Draco's face when he finds out exactly what's going on," Harry agreed with a nod of his head and an innocent smile on his lips.

"You mean, while he's still a he and not a she?" Remus offered with a smirk on his lips as they stopped in front of pair of double doors.

"Indeed." Harry paused a moment, before glancing back at Remus. "Wait, is she going to be decent?"

"It's Luci, I doubt she'll ever be decent." Sirius offered with a completely straight face.

"About time you finally showed up." A new voice cut in as Andromeda stepped forward, arms crossed as she glowered a bit back at the men. "I mean, really…"

"Sorry, Harry insisted on being a ham," Sirius apologized with a smirk on his lips.

"Nym was being lazy." Harry shot back with a huff even as said coyote voiced her protest by biting at his ankle. "Ooow."

As Remus opened his mouth, Andromeda just shot the man a look. "I'm sure you have some other, perfectly reasonable excuse, but to be honest, I don't feel like listening to it." As the werewolf began to pout, she turned her head towards the Weasleys. "Hello, welcome to the mad house, will you be staying, or is this just a visit?"

"Visiting." Came from Ron and Arthur, before the twins glanced at each other and spoke up in unison.

"Can we stay?"

"Visiting was the right answer." Andromeda noted with a bemused smile on her lips, before she offered her hand to Arthur. "I'm Romeda."

"Arthur." Arthur took the hand and nodded his head back to the woman, before looking at her, pleadingly. "Would you please be so kind as to tell us exactly what's going on?"

"Wish I could." Andromeda chuckled ruefully and shook her head. "But that would require me joining them and going completely nutters. They've already got my daughter, I'd prefer they didn't get me."

The coyote yipped in protest, earning herself a bemused chuckle as Andromeda reached down and patted her atop her head for a moment before standing up. "Shall we get on with this? If I remember my sister, she doesn't take too well to being left waiting."

"Ah, right then." Harry nodded his head in amusement before he bowed with a flourish. "Ladies first?"

"Why, what a gentleman." Andromeda smiled back at Harry before taking a step back and gesturing. "But as they still have their wands, why don't we throw my baggage handlers in first?"

"They do make good living shields," Harry agreed thoughtfully as he lightly tapped his lower lip thoughtfully.

"Baggage handlers?" Remus coughed politely as he struggled not to glare at Andromeda and Harry.

"I protest!" Sirius spoke up fervently. "That's what we have the Malfoys for!"

"Then you two can go in there and tell them," Andromeda responded mildly as she gestured to the door. "Do hurry as your other guests are apparently in a hurry."

"Humph!" Sirius huffed a bit as he glared back at them before striding up purposely to the door. "Fine, you cowards!"

When he pulled the door open, he promptly yelped as a he was forced to duck away from a string of curses fired at him. "HEY! Stop that!"

"Stand up and die like a man, Black!" A familiar voice called out shrilly.

Quickly ducking behind the door, Sirius called back. "Well, that's more than you can do, Luci! Having fun sitting down for the loo?"

"DIIIIIEEE!" The voice was practically screamed out, before it was cut off by a calmer voice.

"_Stupify_." There was a flash of red, then the sound of a body hitting the floor before a much more cultured female voice called out. "Must you always make my life so… difficult, Sirius?"

"Mother… you just…" A shocked boy's voice spoke up. "You just…"

"Stunned your…" There was a pause as the woman could practically be heard considering her words. "Well, we'll figure out what to call him…"

"Her!" Sirius corrected jubilantly without sticking his head out.

"…Her." The female voice grudgingly allowed. "Later."

Carefully peaking his head around the corner, Sirius made note of the unconscious, and covered in just a bed sheet, Luci, as well as the blonde woman standing over her and the 13 year old boy at her side. "Lo, Cissy. Been a while, hasn't it?"

"A time of ignorant bliss." Narcissa Malfoy answered back as she crossed her arms about her chest. "I trust you can explain exactly what's going on, without breaking into your juvenile sense of humor?"

"I can, yes." Sirius agreed with a sage nod of his head and a growing grin.

"Behave yourself, Sirius." Andromeda cut in as she strode, almost regally into the room, followed by Harry, Remus, and the Weasleys.

"What're _they_ doing here?" Draco spoke up, his voice cracking as he jabbed his finger towards Harry and the Weasleys.

"They," Harry gestured towards the Weasleys with a placid smile, "Are here because I thought they might enjoy the show."

"The show?" Narcissa spoke with her brow arching before her eyes narrowed. "And what show would that be, exactly."

"Well, really, you should be asking Draco here, how it all started." Harry offered as he glanced down at his nails for a moment. "He _was _the one to lose such a… significant sum to me."

"… And exactly how… significant would that be, Mr. Potter?" Narcissa allowed only an edge of anger to drop into her voice.

"I guess I won't need to introduce myself then." Harry half pouted lightly as he set the pink Coyote down onto the floor before him before producing a parchment and holding it up, before glancing over at Remus. "Be a good chap and give this to her?"

"Don't you have a perfectly functional pair of hands and legs, Harry?" Remus noted as he lightly glowered at Harry.

"Yes, and I'd prefer to keep them that way." Harry agreed as he glanced back at Narcissa warily.

"Ah." Remus slowly nodded, before he crossed his arms about his chest. "So would I."

"Cowards." Andromeda rolled her eyes as she took the parchment from Harry's hands and strode over and offered the parchment to her sister. "Narcissa."

"Andromeda." Narcissa's voice was cool and wary as she took the parchment and began to read. For a moment, there was nothing but silence as her face remained blank, save for the flicking motions of her eyes. Then, the façade cracked as she made note of something and she turned and stared at her son in horror. "Draco… how could you be so utterly foolish?"

"He has plenty of practice?" Harry offered helpfully before shrinking under the glare Narcissa leveled at him. "Well, he does."

"Mother?" Draco asked uncertainly even as he spared a glare toward Harry.

Wordlessly, Narcissa turned the parchment towards him, letting him read it for a moment, before he blinked in confusion. "What about it?"

"Draco…" Narcissa fought down the urge to strike her child, before she very, very carefully spoke. "Do you know what happens when someone is unable to pay their debts as stipulated by a magical contract?"

"Of course I do." He huffed up as if insulted she'd even asked the question as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"Then why would you sign a magical contract for more than we could _pay_?" Narcissa hissed out as she dug her fingers into the parchment she held.

"What?" Draco stared back at his mother, confusion written on his face.

"The Malfoy vaults couldn't pay that much when I called it in." Harry offered cheerfully.

"… _What_…?" The stare on Draco's face only grew in confusion and incomprehension. "But father always…"

"Assets, Draco, the value was in the _assets_." Narcissa hissed out. "The majority of which are currently illegal. Which means that when the goblins discovered them, they _disposed_ of them, and they charged the disposal fee back against the original debt."

She let those word dawn on Draco before she hissed out more. "Which means, we now have to deal with the _penalties_!"

Draco himself looked on the verge of fainting as he stared back at his mother with wide disbelieving eyes, before slowly he looked over and back to Harry.

"Oh, don't worry, dear, dear cousin." Sirius was grinning like a loon back at the mother and her son. "Luci worked out a deal with me to forgo the penalties."

While Draco's face lit up with hope, Narcissa took one look at the faces smiling back at her and immediately sat down, her face completely drained of color. "How bad?"

"Mother…?" Draco blinked back at Narcissa confusion written across his face. "But he just said…"

"I know Sirius. I know his friend. I know Andromeda. They wouldn't be smiling like that if it was that simple," Narcissa whispered slowly as she stared back at Sirius, Remus and Andromeda, before settling her eyes on her sister. "Well?"

Shaking her head, Andromeda plucked a second parchment from Sirius, before handing it over to Narcissa with the slightest pursing of her lips. "I do believe this sums everything up."

For a moment, Narcissa simply stared at the parchment, before slumping slightly as she negligently tossed it aside. "I take it that Lucius lost this… wager?"

"As spectacularly as his son," Harry admitted cheerfully with a nod of his head.

"I see." Narcissa closed her eyes for several moments. "That would explain her behavior."

"Wouldn't it?" Sirius agreed with a nod of his head and a grin. "Oh, just think of all the fun we'll have!"

"… If you think you're going to force me to faint in sheer horror, Sirius, you are bound for disappointment." Narcissa inclined her chin and glared up at her cousin.

"Mother…? What's going on?" Draco was shifting, his nervousness visibly growing at his mother's reactions.

"The Malfoy family isn't just ruined, Draco," Narcissa said quietly and slowly shook her head. "It's destroyed. Completely and utterly destroyed. There will be no more Malfoys."

"But… what!" Draco's voice broke into a shrill note as he stared wide eyed at his mother.

"Oh, must you be so melodramatic, Narcissa?" Andromeda shook her head before releasing an exaggerated sigh. "Really, it's hardly the end of the world."

"My husband sold himself and his family into slavery to try and recover some of the debt my son brought upon us," Narcissa countered with a hiss. "How is that not the end of the world?"

"S-s-slavery!" Draco's eyes widened fearefully as he turned and saw the almost serene smile on Harry's lips.

"As a girl," Harry agreed with a nod of his head.

"Wait, Harry, what's going on?" Arthur's eyes were wide as he looked at the three Malfoys, before pointing towards the unconscious Lucius. "You mean that's….?"

"Luci, yes," Harry said agreeably with a nod of his head. "It's going to be her job to make life difficult for Sirius."

"Are you still on that?" Sirius shook his head and sighed out. "Really, Harry, come on! I got you three hot blonde maids!"

"They're Malfoys," Harry stated flatly as he crossed his arms about his chest.

"He said it," Ron spoke up quickly in agreement and support of his friend.

"You know, I'm really quite conflicted. Fred?" George put forth as he glanced at his brother.

"Indeed, on one hand, it's the Malfoys," Fred agreed.

"On the other, Lucius makes for a disturbingly hot woman," George continued.

"And of course, Narcissa always was," Fred said with a nod before glancing speculatively at Draco, "So how do you think he'll turn out when he's no longer a he, but a she?"

"I'm almost afraid to find out," George admitted.

"Well, it is about that time to find out," Sirius said entirely too cheerfully as he grinned at Draco. "Any last words as a boy?"

"Wait, _what_?" Draco's eyes widened comically as realization finally worked its way through his shock.

"I thought it was obvious, you're about to be frocked," Remus noted dryly as he shook his head.

Nym barked eagerly as she looked back at Sirius. Sirius himself paused at the bark, then tilted his head to the side. "You know, that's not a bad idea."

"Mother! They can't just-! It's not-!" Draco struggled with something to say, his silver eyes growing wide with panic as he looked pleadingly back at his mother.

Narcissa arched her brow back at him and slowly shook her head. "Draco, my son, there's nothing I can do, there's nothing you can do, there's nothing your _father_ can do. All we can really do is to try and make the best of it."

"Make the best of it?" Draco's voice was rising in pitch, growing into a high soprano as he failed to notice his hair growing down past his shoulders as it began to turn into shining curls. "They're talking about… about making me into a servant! A girl servant!"

"I was thinking Nym's personal coyote groomer," Harry supplied helpfully.

Nym barked again before nodding her head in sage agreement.

"This… no! Y-you can't do this! I… This…!" Draco stared, sputtering and unable to form the words to properly express the panicked denial as he actually grew an inch in height, though his body was rapidly losing mass. "I'm a Malfoy! Do you hear? A Malfoy!"

Narcissa palmed her face slightly and let out a slight groan as she glanced from the panicking Draco to the unconscious Luci and crossed her arms about her chest. "I do hope you're not going to try and force me into one of those ridiculous little mockeries of a maid's outfit."

"Weeeeeeeeeell…." Sirius paused, before shaking his head and sighing as he glanced at Andromeda. "Knowing Romeda, not likely."

"Depends on how well she behaves," Andromeda answered vaguely with a serene smile directed towards her sister.

"… I was under the impression we were to be serving… Mr. Potter," Narcissa said simply.

"I'm assigning you to Romeda," Harry said helpfully.

"Stop ignoring me!" Draco's voice was a light, airy whine, face and features now visibly that of a girl as his dark clothes were lightening and turning to a slowly intensifying red and gold.

"And… my… Luci?" Narcissa asked warily as she glanced towards Lucius, making a point to not respond to her son's demand.

"Harry is assigning her to Sirius," Remus said cheerfully.

"To insure he's properly punished," Andromeda agreed with a nod.

Narcissa stiffened lightly and glared back at her sister. "Haven't we been punished enough? We've just lost _everything_!"

"No, punish _him_," Harry said as he pointed at Sirius.

"I said stop ignoring me!" Draco actually screamed this time, causing everyone to look at over at the source the outburst.

Draco was now most assuredly female. Pale, curling locks of light blonde hair, with pretty silver eyes narrowed into an angry scowl and bow-shaped lips pulled back into a snarl. She didn't even seem to be aware of the fact that her previously dark and well cut robes had been replaced by a frilly, red and gold dress, complete with knee socks and shiny black heels.

"… I think you'll find it hard to be ignored for quite sometime, Draco," Narcissa stated blandly as she looked at her newly female child.

"Bwa?" Ron's statement was half way horrified, half incomprehensible as he stared at Draco, his mouth hanging agape.

"Oh… My," Arthur stated with a blink before looking over at Sirius and Remus. "And this is… permanent?"

"Got the paperwork and everything," Sirius grinned proudly, before pausing as he looked over at Narcissa. "You have had all your shots, right?"

"… What?" Narcissa blinked and stared back at Sirius in utter confusion.

"He's talking about a muggle thing they do to their pets," Andromeda stated simply with a bemused smirk curling over her lips. "Generally referring to their pet dogs."

"... I suppose it would be safe to assume he's calling me a 'bitch?'" Narcissa asked blandly as she sent a scathing glare in Sirius' direction.

"Considering who he is? I don't know why you'd assume anything else." Andromeda noted as that smirk never waved for even a moment.

Draco opened her mouth to say something new, only to release a startled squeak as a mirror suddenly appeared directly in front of her, forcing her to stare at the image of who she'd become.

"Wow." Harry blinked slightly, a look of pure amazement crossing his face. "Something actually shut him up."

"Her!" Sirius corrected absently in an overly gleeful tone. "Though, really, it is harder to come up with something appropriately feminine from Draco."

"So good of you to notice," Narcissa drawled back and shook her head in annoyance. "Must you be so...?"

"He's Sirius, of course he must," Andromeda responded in that same droll tone before glancing at the still gaping Draco. "So, who's idea was it to turn her into looking like a teenaged tart?"

"Coyote!" Sirius proclaimed innocently.

"Sirius!" said the greater spirit in question as he popped into place next to the man.

"Coyote!" Sirius proclaimed with a blink.

"If you expect me to partake in something as childish as saying our names back and forth..." Coyote paused a moment, tilting its head to the side in thought. "Well, ask me again tomorrow. This is a ser... Errr... Not so light-hearted occasion."

Sirius snapped his fingers lightly and huffed in irritation.

"My this must be serious," Remus noted with a somber nod. "He wouldn't even let Sirius get into a serious joke."

Immediately, Remus was caught under a baleful glare from everyone in the room, save a still insensate Lucius and Draco.

"Was it something I said?" Remus asked entirely too blandly.

"Yuck it up, wise guy, yuck it up," Coyote muttered sourly, before suddenly grinning almost wolfishly back at Remus. "In fact, please, do. I just remembered some of the IOUs I can cash in from Hermes."

"The wise guy has decided it would be in his best interests to remain silent," Remuse noted before shutting his mouth with an audible click of his teeth.

"And moving on," Coyote noted with a drawl and a nod of his head. "And really, she needs to get used to frocks and knickers, might as well start it out right away."

"Must it be so..." Narcissa gestured towards the dress and frowned again.

"Helps hammer the point in." Coyote stated simply with a half shrug at his shoulders. "Now then, to help save time, yes, they're stuck like that, yes, they have no further say in the matter, by your land's own laws and customs. So, enjoy your maid's outfit, I know the rest of us will!"

"... So, it was _your_ idea?" Narcissa pressed as she glared down at the grinning canine.

"Nope! Oberon's, with Titania's full approval!" Coyote let out a sound that was disturbingly like giggling as he looked at Harry, eyes shining. "And they wanted you to know, if you ever get tired of her, they could use another maid!"

Narcissa paled visibly at the thought and glanced fearfully from her son turned daughter to Harry.

Harry noted Narcissa's response before glancing over at Remus. "I thought Oberon and Titania were good?"

"Mmph mmh maum!" Remus shrugged through lips that refused to open and held up his hands helplessly.

"They're fey," Sirius stated simply. "Which means, well..." He paused, glancing at a reproachful looking Andromeda and an uncomfortable looking Arthur. "I'll tell you when you're older."

"George, old bean, I do believe this smells of naughtiness afoot," Fred noted with a nod.

"And kinkiness, can't forget that," George agreed. "Which means..."

"Research!" the pair chorused in perfect unison.

"... I knew I should've kept Molly from trying to discipline you two so much," Arthur said with an audible groan and shook his head sadly. "Just leave Harry and Ron out of it until they're older."

"But..."

"They have enough of a bad influence from those two." Arthur stated simply as he gestured towards Sirius and Remus, before pointing at the still stunned Lucius. "Could you please wake... her?"

A silent _Ennervate_ from Remus restored the woman to a groggy consciousness.

"Hu-wha...?" Lucius stated blearily as she struggled to gain her bearings. "What... happened?"

"I _stupidifed _you before you could get us in even more trouble," Narcissa stated blandly and sighed as she shook her head.

"Oh." There was a pause as she glanced down and noted the heaviness on her chest. "... I didn't dream it then."

"No, you didn't," Narcissa agreed with a slight tilt of her head. "You and Draco have successfully done what no one else has before. Completely and utterly destroyed the Malfoys."

"Oh." Lucius blinked at that as he struggled to process what she was saying.

"Lucius," Arthur cleared his throat, drawing the still dull eyed gaze onto his own. "I can see you're still indisposed. I suppose I really should be the better man and just walk away, confident that you have gotten your proper comeuppance."

There was a pause, before he sighed and shook his head. "But really, I did want to be the one to catch you red handed. As that won't happen now... At least I'll be able to take a measure of satisfaction from your new roll in life. Have fun cleaning those high shelves."

He turned towards Sirius and Remus. "I thank you gentlemen for the opportunity, but I'm afraid we really must be heading back now. Boys?"

"Err... Right, talk to you later, Harry?" Ron offered hesitantly.

"Cya at Hogwarts!" Harry agreed happily, before his grin grew even wider. "And so will Nym!"

Ron glanced down at the pink coyote, who he couldn't help but feel was grinning, savagely back at him. "Err... right then."

"Cya, ickle Harry-kins!" The twins agreed with a pair of matching grins.

And then the four Weasley men vanished in a shimmering spectacle of lights, with a slight sound akin to tinkling glass.

"... Really?" Andromeda turned her head and stared at Sirius. "Star Trek? _Really_, Sirius?"

"Live long and prosper," Sirius agreed, holding up his hand, fingers grouped in pairs, outer and inner and then spread apart between middle and ring.

"You fail at being a Vulcan," Andromeda stated flatly. "I'm starting to wonder if your mother dropped you on your head

"No, that happened at Hogwarts," Remus said with a chuckle. "He had a tendency to.. upset the fairer species, I suppose you could say?"

"Yes, I remember," Narcissa agreed with a twist of her lips down into a frown. "He some how always managed to worm his way out of trouble with the staff."

"I didn't do anything wrong, and you can't prove otherwise." Sirius stuck his tongue out at Narcissa and huffed slightly. "Not my fault you all decided to blame me for everything perverted that happened to you. I know for a fact that at least half of them were caused by Moony and Pettigrew."

Instantly, Andromeda and Narcissa were glaring at Remus, and Remus and Lucius were now glaring at Sirius.

"What? You expected me to let you throw me to the wolves! Ha!" Sirius snorted softly and crossed his arms about his chest, before looking over at Harry. "This, Harry, is a fine lesson for you. Never throw anyone to the wolves when they can incriminate you."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, then frowned, shut it, thought for a moment again, then let his mouth click shut as he stared at him with narrowed eyes. "... I will get you for that."

Harry blinked a moment, then glanced from Remus to a smirking Sirius then back again. "... Don't you have proof he did them?"

Remus' continued glare and Sirius' triumphant smirk answered the question for them.

"... Really?" Nym popped back into her regular, 13 year old form and blinked at Remus. "You saying he didn't do anything?"

"No, I'm saying he never told me about any of it," Remus admitted grudgingly. "Peter and I used to try to impress them, so we told them about our stuff... but James and Sirius never told if whether or not they did... certain things."

"Certain things?" Narcissa slowly turned around and glared at Sirius. "Such as my 7th year, where I ended up in that ridiculous, scandalous muggle outfit?"

"Actually, the lime green mini was all Pettigrew," Remus said quickly as he looked meaningfully at Sirius.

"... Hmmm..." Sirius lightly tapped his lower lip, smirking softly but saying nothing as his eyes danced.

"... You?" Narcissa turned around and pointed her wand directly at Remus. "That was _your_ prank?"

"Well, I was going to go with red, black or emerald, but Pettigrew insisted on lime green. I don't really want to know why and I didn't feel like arguing at the time."

"I'm surrounded by deviants," Narcissa muttered sourly as she glared at them all.

"Deviants?" The majority of the group chorused, save Sirius who merely nodded and grinned.

"Don't get me started on my... daughter and whatever you want to call Luci," Narcissa stated blandly before pointing towards Andromeda. "Nor do we need to get into you, which most likely rubbed off on her."

As her finger shifted to Nym for a moment, the girl scowled back at her, arms crossed about her chest, before her finger moved to Harry. "He's James and Lily Potter's son. And the werewolf already outted himself."

"Really, Narcissa, I would hardly call..." Lucius spoke up, struggling to maintain a modicum of his normal aristocratic air. "And really, it's not polite to air any kind of sordid tales in front of... well, anyone."

"I'm not a deviant!" Draco insisted loudly, her lip jutting out into an angry pout.

"Oh, really, Draco? You think I don't know about your... reading material?" At Draco's blush, Narcissa snorted softly.

"Sirius, am I a deviant?" Harry asked curiously, frowning slightly as memories from the Dursley's began to quietly pound in the back of his mind.

"You'll likely end up that way, as much as everyone else here is, Ms. High-and-Mighty included," Coyote said simply with a shrug as he answered for Sirius. "It's better that way. You'll have more fun."

"I am not...!" Narcissa began to protest, only to be affixed with simple look from the animal that she was addressing a being that was quite a bit above her in the cosmic food chain.

"Now then, moving on?" Coyote said helpfully. "I think you should start introducing them to their new... Roles."

The three Malfoys looked decidedly less than pleased at that.


End file.
